Day 558: Soliciting Reactions

It’s interesting how my mind find things (in ways) to bring up within and as me in order to solicit a reaction from me, as the innated trigger point to our inevitable demise, if I don’t open my eyes to see/realize what’s going on within us, which was the case throughout the majority of my life , where for sure enough, I’d end up following suit, being that I believed people deserved what came out of me as a reaction, because for most part it was rather hard to get me to react to things and show it, so where it seemed as if I was calm, standing, was a front where I held my reaction internally, suppressed them, let them compound, then would blow up at an inappropriate time.

As a slave to the mind there’s no realization of the damage being caused to one’s own physical body, and that of another in the midst of reacting, being that we believe that we’re making up our own mind, and the mind is who we are = there’s nothing wrong with me, so when it comes to being depressed, stressed out, anxious, frustrated and in pain, these things are deemed as normal, making it a cool thing in a way to say things like “Man I’m stressing out”, or “They made me feel depressed” or ‘You’re giving me anxiety, I can’t take it” (So don’t) with no Idea that the these things are solicited by our mind.

Oddly enough if you were to talk to anyone, it doesn’t matter who, about the mind, nine (9) times out of Ten (10), they would agree with you, but shortly after, the mind will give them something to react to either good or bad, that would erase the point that you brought up about the mind; We soon forget, and if asked a few minutes later, we’ll say hold on let me THINK about it, which was me in a nutshell.

It’s funny how the way we word things, when conversating with others, we place in the form of soliciting a reaction from them, simply because after we say what we’re trying to say, we then say; “You know what I mean” or “You get me” and this is uniform around the world, and once we receive this reaction, it fuels the energetic movement within us, but if we don’t get the reaction we’re looking for, we’ll continue talking until we do, in a way trying to force the other person to feel how we feel about what we’re talking about, which is done mostly through Gossip, and something else altogether.

But looking at the point of soliciting reactions, in being aware of everytime I react or about to react, It’s as if I can’t believe the amount of things that comes up in my mind for me to react to, like Wow that I’ve been unaware of me existing and reacting to things this way my entire life, which is a lot of shit, like have you ever sat there and counted ever single thought that comes up, within a minute span, then times that by 60 min, 1 hour, then 24 hours, 1 day, then 30 days, 1 month, then 12 months, 1 year, then to how ever old you are, added up to how many times + we’ve reacted to our mind soliciting us to react and do so, I mean that’s a lot of times, showing just how deeply engrained within us this reactionary things is, that’s not just going to go away overnight.

Of course it’s a process and while walking my process, whenever I find myself reacting to things I soon forgive myself for reacting shortly thereafter, and if I see that I’m about to react to something, I catch myself, by stopping and taking a breath and then forgive when necessary, but these reactions would still come back in the same way, which prompted me to look into this point of soliciting reactions a bit further, why am I so prone to reacting, what’s triggering this, who in my world have I solicited a reaction from, why am I being solicited to react at time by others, even if I don’t react?

So the other day I had somewhat of an AH HA moment, when doing some physical work, all alone by myself, with no outside distraction per se, only me with me and that’s when I started seeing, the cycle of how my mind would bring up these random thoughts in soliciting a reaction from me, and if the thought didn’t interest me,
I wouldn’t react to them, I would say Stop, but my mind would continue replaying it over and over and over again as I ignored it, until I would forgive it, then it would go away, but not even a millisecond later the next, then the next and the next thought after thought would come up to solicit a reaction from me, so as I stood there, I took a step back outside myself to observe what was going on inside my mind, and became dumbfound to how in hindsight I let all this shit pass throughout my life and this is why I look to solicit a reaction from others, so in the next post I open up this point more, and do some self-forgiveness on the point of soliciting a Reaction.

To be continued…

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About carltontedford

In Process.
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