Day 557: Let’s Talk About Me Pt.2

The interesting stories we tell, as the stored memories we exist as, is always the highlight of a conversation when meeting someone New or being introduced to someone New, within that the excitement of meeting someone New, brings out the need to hear what’s being said, so when the attention is given, we tend take advantage of the opportunity in divulging extra added information, in making it seem as if we’ve done more than what we’re claiming or that we we’re a certain way, when in fact it’s not necessarily the case.

A problem of mine is that I am guilty of all that I’ve written on this topic, which screams the lack of self-acceptance, I existed as, but the tricky thing about this point when one hasn’t participated within it for a period of time, is how this point resurfaced for me, as I saw it in hindsight as a test to my resolve, where the other day I was invited to watch the Final Four College Basketball game at a friend of a friends place, so upon arrival, all was well and the introductions was made, but after a while the friend who invited me begin to tell the story of how we met in Hawaii, but putting an extra emphasis on who I was , how cool I was and the status I had in Hawaii, were he had everyone who was there undivided attention, which I then felt this energetic rush creeping up within and as me, as what it seemed that everyone started looking towards me in a way to validate and add to his story, which for most part was true, and instead of keeping it simple and to the point, I fail for it and started talking more about me, which in this day and age in our society is the normal thing to do, but the point is I knew better, being that I’ve walked through this point before, but wasn’t expecting it to come up in this way, lol as if the mind hired my friend to test me and said ‘get em’, as I once again got caught up in the excitement of being the center of attention, saying to myself “Let’s talk about me”.

All and all things turned out well, where we all had a cool time and that was that. But it wasn’t for me later on when looking back on my day and my behavior when around others, where I saw this as a point that I needed to investigate a bit further, so for this;

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to accept the minds tricks of the trade, brought on through another in egging me on to take the stage of sort, as the center of attention in a group gathering of friend I was introduced to, and fail for it, then begin talking about me, thinking I needed extra acceptance, more than already being accepted for who I was, when I was initially introduced to the people at the gathering.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience an energetic rush coming up from within and as me, when being talked about/pumped up by a friend who introduced me to his friends at a gathering, and instead of seeing this as a sign that I was on the verge of falling back into an old behavior pattern, I welcomed this energy within and as me and fell into the mode of “Let’s talk about me”, then into an energetic mind possessive state of being.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to instead of realizing in the moment through the sign that I was giving, the character I would re-perpetuate/re-live and playout, to stop it, left it to hindsight to awaken me from this momentary extended day dream, I fell into.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see/realize/understand to be self-aware at all time, especially in the time when I think I’m self-aware, which at times causes me to only focus on parts of myself, certain ways of being, patterns and behavior that I know require more of my attention, to not fall back into, as I am still walking these points, which shouldn’t be the case in choosing one or the other point to be more attentive to, as I now see/realize/understand the whole of me needs my undivided attention at all times.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to let the excitement of talking about me overshadow, showing and living through action who I really am as life, without any extra additives or preserving any part of me that would somehow compromise me through the triggering of my Ego, as I would then let it take its revenge, leaving me in a state of consequence.

So, I commit myself to no longer accepting and allowing myself to fall into the trap of being pushed into expounding on myself, when driven by an energetic rush of a feeling, brought on by someone else talking about me, where I accepted and allowed myself to re-live an old behavior pattern in the midst of meeting someone New, but instead to keep it simple and to the point of any questions that’s asked and leave it at that.

Thanks for Reading.


About carltontedford

In Process.
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