Day 555: The Title Eludes Me (Self-Forgiveness)

This is a continuation from the previous post, where I’ll open up more Self-Forgiveness on these point;

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have separated myself from other in the sense of looking down on them, disassociating myself from them, no longer interacting with them and/or shunning them, because the things I used to do, I don’t do any more and they still do, which is in fact is me still living as a religious ideology where you’re taught to disassociate yourself from those who are non-believer, showing that I am still infected by this limited form of separation instead of accepting a person for who they are and the level they’re at in they’re process.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have gotten the big head of sorts, in being the lie that I am more superior than other, because I’ve gotten over a few points that they’re still walking, not realizing that by taking this stance on things, I am no better off than them.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have been judgmental in comparing my process with what other in my world is doing in their life, that are not walking this process from consciousness to awareness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have in a way complained about how others are stuck in their own ways, instead of realizing that by complaining, I too am stuck in my own ways of wanting to change other, without staying focusing on changing me or realizing the time it took me to move forward in my process.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have climbed onboard with a group of friends in my past and believe that others are not like us, instead of realizing, but what is the us to like, if I don’t accept others for who they are, as I was once accepted by another without question.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have fall into the trap of saying “No New Friends”, when in the end, I found myself without those who I considered would be in my life forever and a day, as the day came when I woke up and found myself alone.

I forgive myself that have accepted and allowed myself to have not realized the changing-ability of my mind, where in one moment I would think someone is cool and in the next “Vamoose you’re wack to me”, where my Ego would then step in as the exclamation point, making me believe that I made the right choice/decision to not interact with them any longer, then later on find that I made the wrong decision, as those who I kept around are no longer around, showing me that I did things in reverse.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have been quick to respond secondly after someone else responded to what someone has said, out of fear that being the first one, might be the wrong move, if what they said doesn’t go over well with those around/the people in the group.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have accepted the point of being pushed aside and told to “shut up, you didn’t know anything”, by older people in my life growing up, to the point of introverting the voice that I had, that I’m just now getting over, through walking my process.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to grab onto knowledge and information from others throughout my life and recreated it to suit my interest and called it my own, as if I came up with it, made it up, then presented it to others and when they didn’t accept what I presented to them, I would then move away from them and right into another failing relationship, not realizing that nothing would ever change, because first off the information I was given was faulty, then believing it, and shunning others for not believing in this faulty information I would presenting to them.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have treated someone inappropriately in my past, then as time passed by, forgotten about the way I’ve treated them and ran into them someplace, with a smile on my face, saying “How are you”, as they gave me the dumbfounded look, I then start remembering the way I treated them and instead of taking responsibility for my past actions in that moment, I found a way to slowly backing away from them.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see/realize/understand that “Why Me First”, as I have lived it throughout my life, is not a question asked, but a selfish statement of separation, in saying “Why should I care about other”, then the statement of “Me First”, meaning with no consideration of other beings in my world and reality, instead of realizing the “Why” is an abdication of taking self-responsibility for my actions towards other and/or not wanting to see myself within others, and the “Me First” aspect should be the Me I see within them, in accepting others for who they are, without downing them, shunning them, nor walking away from an interact that could be assistive and supportive to both parties involved.

So, you see the eluded title was a way I accepted my mind to play games with me, to not look deep enough and get to the hidden dimensions of these points that came up as the statements; “Why” and “Me First, that’s why investigation into oneself is utterly important, because it’s easy to overlook things within points that comes up in one’s life, so;

I commit myself to making it a must to always take a deeper look within any point that comes up within and as me, being that in the initial understanding of a point, I’m only scratching the surface, overlooking what lies underneath, and what shows me this, is when the point comes up again in the same context but different dimension, which I then think I’ve done enough on this point, why is it still coming up, so within that I commit myself to double checking and re-checking to see if I left something lingering within a point that I’m walking through and correct it.

Thanks for reading.

Advertisements

About carltontedford

In Process.
This entry was posted in Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s