Day 553: The Start Never Stops

How many times have we carried our troubles over into the next day, just to miss out on what the New day has to offer, where we wake up with a congested head full of thought from the previous day, then end up re-hashing/replaying/re-living the same patterns over again, that opened up a world wind of emotion within us, not once considering that the start never stops. (Let me explain)

I once asked my mother for relationship support for a past failing relationship I was in, some 4 years before I found Desteni and oddly enough she told me something that stuck with me still today, which was; at 12am midnight, everything that happened in your relationship, throughout the previous day, leave in that day and start anew from that point on, which worked for the time being, but later on I found that it was missing one key element, that being how to stop my mind, because although I left what happened the day before, in the day before, these thoughts would still come up in full force, when going to do things and interacting with my partner, where we would eventually end back up in another argument and/or just not talk to one another, while still holding a grudge towards each other, I mean there was no way I knew of (at the time) to release all of this pending, pint up energy that I existed as, so although I followed this as best as I could, it only made matters worse in the long run.

Before that point, you could say that this was essentially the story of my life, not only in relationships, but me in general, where I would carry thoughts/memories/energy experiences/pint up emotions/feeling and pictures etc. into the next day after the next and so on and so forth, like rollover minutes in a cell phone plan, simply diminishing my chance from ever getting to expanding/growing/developing myself into the next level in my life, my utmost potential, so in essence I remained within a cycle of blame, irritation, agitation, gullibility and stagnation, going Nowhere real fast, and the I stayed stuck in this formidable cycle.

I mean you can say that the only things that I ever started over as a constant in my life was Games, video game, basketball games and a self-interested way of reinventing myself into a New character whenever the old one stop working. but as far as giving myself a fresh start every day = “What’s that” and I really hated starting anything of substance (per se) over, which I would later on find is one of the keys to walking my process, giving myself a fresh start, a clean slate.

Then you have the saying; “You only have to do it right once, in most cases is true, but only if you have somewhat of an unobscured view on how things really work, then yeah ok I need to do this that and the other, relating to projects, homework and objective job work that’s been done before, and I’m sure at times frustration ensue, but after going back over things a few times you finally get it and although you may have completed it in a short amount of time, it was still a process, that took repeating until you got it.

When I discovered, through Desteni that one could change oneself through saying/redefining and living words, initially I was baffled, because it was unbelievable, that I could do by myself what I was waiting for a higher power/Jesus, a super power and/or any other power to do for me, which brought up self-doubt as a misnomer within and as me, and like anything, I learned that it takes repetition and constant application to achieve this self-change, that for most part I’ve been looking for, so of course like most, I became overzealous and wanted to tell the people in my world’ about everything, but no one wanted to listen and found myself with a few less friend, but as I continued investigating Desteni and uncovering more things about myself, I started becoming overwhelmed with everything I was learning, simply because coming from a punishment bases society growing up, I learned to punish myself whenever I would do something wrong/make a mistake, in the sense of beating myself up over it, where I would be still stuck on the same point for days and sometimes weeks, which I then learned was self-judgment, claiming how could I keep falling for the same shit everytime, not realizing that it wasn’t me falling for the same shit, but that I would never let the shit go and carry it into the next days and weeks.

And although I have heard the analogy to start each day a new, it really only began to sink in recently, when enough became enough. What I was doing was applying my self-forgiveness on specific points and mistakes I’ve made, but when I would wake up in the morning, there would be this thought hanging over my head, as if to be saying, remember what you did yesterday, where I would then go into the I’m sorry Character, that would drag me down at the start of my day, the spend that rest of the day trying to play catch up, so what I see/realize as points for me to continue to work on is to stop this self-punishment things that I have so engrained within and as me since childhood and the word to be lived in relations to this is unconditionally, meaning I need to let go of yesterdays and what happen within them, After correction unconditionally and Start the next day fresh and Anew, then will I see/realize that the Start never Stops.

Thanks for reading.


About carltontedford

In Process.
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