Day 546: Intimidation Pt. 2

Interesting point of a look, is when you are unaware of your facial expressions in the moment then find that someone was intimidated be the look on your face, although your intentions wasn’t as such. This was the case for me, plenty of time where people would tell me, you look intimidating, and it would surprise me, like “Really”, then I would notice the look I had on my face, like wow, that being one way I have Faced the intimidation factor, as the intimidator or sorts, as an adult, but as a child it was in reverse, where. I would be intimidated by the loud talking person, simply because I didn’t want to be embarrassed by them, were I would then get anger and want to do something about it, so I would stay away from those loud talking people.

Another interesting point of intimidation was of those who always wanted to fight, I mean there were a lot of those running around when I was in grade school, not that I didn’t know how to fight, but I was scared of getting hit, then going berserk, I mean because I was a Christian and that’s not the way a good Christian should act lol, plus we took the passage “Turn the other cheek” literally to an extent, at least so I thought, until I got a bit older and learned the amendment that my parents made to it, that of standing your ground and don’t run away from anything, for nothing or face them when I got home, which was the only thing I was really intimidated by, my Parents.

So as it goes, when push comes to shove, you never know the ability you have to overcome something, in this case intimidation, where in elementary school I had this friend who was a bully, who always went around messing with people, come to think about it, if I’m not mistaken, lol he bullied me into being his friend, I mean I was an easy going person, who didn’t like conflict, so I said ok, I’ll be your friend, and so be it, we were friend, the only thing was, he would always get into trouble and try an drag me along with him and if I refused he would want to fight me, but I would just walk away, because he was intimidating.

So one day after school he wanted me to come with him to go do something, and I told him that I had to walk my little sister home, and as we begin to walk, he started following us, saying, “Well, let’s fight then” and of course I said NO, but he kept following us and antagonizing me say, come on let’s fight, so after saying No a bunch of times, I started to ignoring him while keeping an eye out just in case he tried something, so as we got closer and closer to my house, I began to get more nervous that he would come all the way to my house and everyone would see that I was intimidated by him.

Anyway we got about a block away from my house and he said it again, “let fight” , I then said, for the last time No I don’t want to fight you, leave me along, at which time my little sister turned around and said, “You heard what momma said, if you don’t fight him, Ima tell momma when we get home”, I then weighed my option in a split second and turned around and commence to putting it on him, until he ran away, and when we got home my sister didn’t say a word and neither did I, but from that day on, I wasn’t intimidated by this guy any longer, as my first lesson in sticking up for myself.

The point is not to fight your way out of a wet paper bag, because even if you win the fight, the intimidation won’t just disappear, being that what got me into fighting this guy, was the dilemma of either I would face him or my mom when I got home and so, being that my mom had a brown belt in judo, was more intimidating to face then my bully friend.

Although I then grew up knowing that I could handle my own, the intimidation of certain thing still existed within and as me, that has nothing to do with fearing another man physically, but even more simpler than that, I mean the idea of starting a new job could be intimidating to some, meeting new people, definitely is a major profound factor, if not the most profound intimidating factor of them all, which is fear in itself, but also brings up the point of why fear, because of the unspoken about existence of being Spited, meaning intimidation comes up when meeting others, because we fear that there’s a possibility that they could spite us in some way or another, so we throw on our guarded character suit before meeting them, consisting of a slightly frowned face and a tight hand grip when shaking their hand and saying Hello.

Then you have your relationship with the friend you come to know and hang out with, where out of the group of them, there’s always this one that feels that they’re running thing and everybody better do what they say, because if you done they’ll talk about you, belittle you, make you feel bad in front of all the rest of your friends, who’s laughing at his or her jokes about you, because they don’t want to be put on the spot as well, so for most part that’s kind of intimidating, mostly when everyone else is around, but when you’re alone with them. you’re fine, because they don’t have an audience to show off to, so alone they treat you with respect, and at times become all apologetic and shit, and we fall for it every time, claiming they’re our friend though, and that’s just how they are, which really isn’t cool, but we put up with it, until we don’t any longer.

Point being that intimidation comes in all forms, shapes and size that fits, but hurts when you stick your foot into the shoe of intimidation, being intimidated, allowing yourself/myself to be intimidated, which is disempowering to say the least, but one is able to get over this innate fear (intimidation) of others/situations/projects at work and our parents, because when you really look at it, intimidation really don’t exist, only the Idea of “what if” exist in our minds, making it a mental controlling point, by abdicating the point of responsibility from ourselves, to our mind, that shocks us into believing that we should fear this person, that person, this situation or that situation, that we follow oh so blindly into the self-diminishment/inferiority and limitation of ourselves, but the key to resolving this issue (because it’s you) is you, and what I’ve found through walking with Desteni, for the last 3 ½ + years is the tool they offer to be effective ways of releasing oneself, from the control of one’s mind, through Writing, Self-Forgiveness and Self-Corrective Application in Self-Honesty, where one is then able to step out of the shoes of intimidation and live in our day free from fear. That being said, in the next post I’ll do some Self-Forgiveness on this point of intimidation, that I see may still exist within me, even on the smallest of levels, into correction.

To be continued…

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About carltontedford

In Process.
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