Day 543: Looking Vs Experiencing

Pulling up a chair with a bag of popcorn watching life pass you by, often times seem better than actually participating in it, being that of an observer verses being a participant, seem to be a safe way of looking at thing, the same as looking for something to say, instead of saying what it is that you are experiencing, where the statement comes up of, how do I put into words what it is that I’m experiencing, while remaining articulate at the same time, I mean is there such a thing as being to articulate, or will my Rant & Rave suffice , the same as, how do I participate in life, when it’s moving too fast; As

The starting point of who is it all for, I once read in a blog, who is the point of your existence, with the answer being YOU, which should be the starting point of everything we do, but as soon as someone else comes in to this equation in our minds, we lose focus on our reality and get caught up in a world of wonder, meaning, I wonder what They think about what I wrote, (In other words) I wonder what would They think if I participate in life, which will eventually turn into “do they like me”…, giving up our right to self-perseverance all in a split second, where we split ourselves in between whether or not to do what it is that we’re trying to do, to experience what it is that we would like to experience, so we end up watching from the sideline, full of conflicting emotion on where to jump in, as if we’re playing double Dutch jump rope, with our minds holding the cords, in which case we’ll never be on one accords with ourselves, because we’d rather Look instead of Experience.

The experience I’m having is keeping up with rectifying the pattern within me as they come up and oh boy it’s a lot of them, and there are time where I look at them in marvel, like man this is what I existed as, this is how I have defined myself in my life in this existence, and since I’m becoming aware of myself more and more, doesn’t make it any easier to get through, but the constant consistency of a push is an experience I’ve become use to, and if just so happen I find myself wavering back into the looking glass that I’m so accustom to, I start losing focus, then drifting into my mind, where mistakes happen and I’ve already made enough mistakes equivalent to 10 life time +, so I must stay within the experience of participating in deconstructing these patterns or else I’ll find myself back knee deep in the shit I’m currently pulling myself out of, so;

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to get wrapped up in the experience of being a good looker, instead of participating in the corrections needed that life shows me, oh so subtly.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to still from time to time perpetuate the experience of being a fence sitter, instead of getting down off of the fence and cleaning up the shit of a mess I’ve made of my life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself, have would rather sit back and watch life pass me by, instead of participating in it, within it, as it, to becoming it, life as who I really am.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become to use to the solace of my own vices, meaning my egotistical way to ever want to change them, instead of realizing that my ego will one day take its revenge on me and leave me stranded to face the consequences for what I’ve done onto other, for who I pushed away from me life, for the abuse I’ve caused life through my neglect and disregard of life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe my vision when looking at others differently than I would look at myself, instead of seeing the similarities of the human, being me as all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from the man in the mirror, instead of embracing, the reflection of myself, shown to me by another.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have enjoyed the experience of chasing after an energetic rush of a high that conflictual situation bring, instead of condemning this conflict within and as me to oblivion, through writing/self-forgiveness and self-corrective application.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to shy away from experiencing life as who I am, due to the work it takes for me to become life. I often time relate it to time, in thinking that it would take up too much of my time, instead of realizing, the faulty starting point of me saying this needs to be corrected into understanding I’ve done the same thing for Eons, life after life, after life, after life, so in relations to time, this one lifetime is but a walk in the park, when I commit myself to changing me, so I commit myself to changing me in this one life time that I have left.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that I need to be articulate to be able to change, instead of realize the excuse within the point of needing to be something, defining myself as something outside of myself, instead of experiencing that in which I think I need to be, I taking my time to redefining the words that I speak, which is a point of taking out all the ticks from within this system as me, so that I’m able to amalgamate with my Human Physical Body.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to forgo the point of my existence as me, that would give way to all the personalities I’ve created and lived out through characters as me, instead of seeing/realizing/understanding that I’ve designed this experience for myself, for me as life, so why not, live life for me, to stop these character and personalities and become a person who respects life, into doing that which is best for all life, always in all ways. I commit to changing me.

So, you see the experience is always greater experiencing it than it looks, being that with experiences comes the understanding of Self and once you’ve investigate what you experience, you’ll start looking and seeing to realize with your real-eyes the lies that’s been spread, under the guise of freedom and happiness, that has blinded us from really looking at what has always been right in front of us, that being the experience of life. Investigate to have an experience of a lifetime.

Thanks for reading.


About carltontedford

In Process.
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