Day 540: Hidden Resentment

Telling yourself that I’m over it is not a solution or resolve to the way you feel about someone who’ve done you wrong in some way or another in the past. We tell ourselves Yes, I forgive them, but then when we’re alone by ourselves, looking back at the situation, we tend to forget our placement in the matter, meaning putting our self in the position of allowance for such thing to happen to us, I mean is it really all their fault for doing what they did? It could be in some cases, but if you hadn’t gone through that experience, would you be better or worse, is the question we chose to manipulate when answering it to ourselves, then later on tell ourselves; “Man if I wouldn’t have gone through that, I would be in a different space right now, meaning (simply), less aware of things if this wouldn’t have happened.

Especially life changing experiences, where by you going through it and/or someone putting you through it at the same time while going through a transition in your life, ends up all the better for it, and we recognize this to ourselves, but then in the back of our minds looms the resentment of; “But they didn’t have to do me like that though” or “The way they treated me was completely unacceptable”, although I’m in a much better place now = I haven’t as of yet gotten over it completely, I mean you can see this person and have a normal conversation with them, even go out with them (maybe) lol, doesn’t mean that the resentment of what you hold within yourself about what they did to you is gone, on the surface it may seem so, but underneath the façade we really resent this person.

I guess we deem it easier to keep the blame factor alive and bring it up as a talking point when someone else has a gripe against this person as well, by saying things like; “You don’t know the half of what they did to me” and accept the point of gossip more than the point of forgiveness, simply because we haven’t forgiven ourselves and let this memory and the point of resentment go unconditionally.

And every now and then we Re-Send a Mental projection of damnation towards them (Re-sent-ment), secretly saying; “Damn you for doing this to me”, spiting their existence in a way, but then turn around when you need them, claiming; “It’s all good”, that’s my boy’ or She’s still my friend though”, it’s a wonder how we keep up this game, going from resentment to mentally draining ourselves to falling asleep with a chip on our shoulder, then waking up refreshed because we let our mind rejuvenate itself with new, more efficient Whitty way to get back at them without them knowing, then feed off of the energy that comes with it, claiming I feel good today for some reason, not realizing that good feeling comes from resentment and is detrimental to our well-being in the long run.

Running away from seeing the gratitude in what you’ve been through, that made you a stronger person today, has the capacity of catapulting you back knee deep in the shit you once pulled yourself out of and through to back standing again, and if you’re not careful a well fed mind possession can do that to you, where you lose all focus on reality and your process, and through resentment you re-send your ass back through the spiteful behavior of another human-being, because first off as it seem we haven’t learned our lesson the first time to be humble and grateful for this experience we’ve been through, and secondly we just manifested this onto our own self again, by harboring “Hidden Resentment” towards the person in question.

The question is what would we want for ourselves, would we want to be forgiven once realized our mistake in the matter, I mean I’m sure it’s probably hard enough for the person who perpetuated this act onto/towards you to live with themselves, to live with what they did to you hanging over their head, especially if you really know this person, so by compounding what they’re currently experiencing with the hidden resentment you hold against them, you become equal to that which you resent them doing unto you and therefore, share the consequences of what happened to you.

Even on a smaller level of let’s say embarrassment, meaning someone, a friend embarrassed you in front of a bunch of people, and the only thing you can think about is getting back at them, so what clouds you mind is this hidden resentment and thought of what you should do at the opportune time to return the favor (so to speak), the consequences will still be the same as if it was on a major level, it doesn’t pay to harbor hidden resentment in Any way, I’ll tell you first hand, haven been on both sides of the coin, where the most recent for me was during this last transition phase in my life =

To be continued…

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About carltontedford

In Process.
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4 Responses to Day 540: Hidden Resentment

  1. danmalara says:

    Wow, really insightful. Thanks man.

  2. Sarah Son says:

    Cool blog! I’m facing a similar point. This was very supportive.

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