Day 538: Visiting the Past Vs Re-living The Past

visiting-th-past-vs-reliving-th-pastOften time when looking back at the past/visiting the past, what tends to come up is the words, “I wish” or “Only if I would have”, where we somehow think that if we would have done things differently back then, we would be living a different outcome today, which is not really the case, where the saying then goes, “If I only knew what I know right now back then, man things would be different” and live out this mind recollection for a period of time, that takes us into re-living the past, where we end up making the same mistake, falling into the same traps and facing more of the same consequences we’re already facing, because this picture in our minds of “what if”, looks so appealing, as we appeal to the feeling it gives us, and the energy we extract from this self-created re-visualization, we use it as a time loop from our past, when living out our future, which make our life but a repetitive experience, coming from the past into living out a future projection of our past and always skipping the Here and Now, then wonder why things don’t change in our lives, why do this reality remain the same? For the simple fact that we never learn from our history, we only blame it on being His-Story, in abdicating our responsibility of realizing we had an equal part in creating the History we all live in today.

The same thing goes with visiting a friend, where we visit them, but don’t feel the need to move in, do we, and if it’s a real friend, we learn something from them, taking something with us from this visit, and go back and make corrections in our own individual lives if need be, so visiting, in this sense could be connected to learning, which is what I’m getting at, in a way, in this post.

Re-living on the other hand constitutes sameness, meaning I liked it so much, and/or wanted to alter what I did of the same thing so much, that I did it again… and again… and again…, like ground hogs day, but never getting to the point of understanding the message in it all, like if you spayed perfume on shit, do you think it would smell better or would it still stink, thing is it might mask the smell for a moment, (meaning you might think that your changing something by re-living and altered version of the past), but the shit still stinks (meaning you’ll end up facing the same problem and going through the same situations, if not corrected correctly), which is the case that I have lived time and time again.

What brought this topic up was, recently, I’ve learned of 2 friends from my past, (some decade + ago), lives just minutes away from me, on either side of the city I live in, and for context of these friends, we were all living in Hawaii and played Basketball together, amongst being tight as friend, where we got to know each other pretty good, so basically the good, the bad and the ugly, we have experienced together.

So before meeting up with these friends, what start coming up, was the point of not knowing what to expect in them, along with a little anxiety on how they would perceive me, as who I am now verses who I was before, that I then corrected within myself and met up with the first one, then together we called the second one, which was pretty cool, where the second friend now has a family with a son whose plays basketball and had a game yesterday, so we all met up at the game and had a cool time, in which afterwards only the 3 of us hung out and what was interesting was our reminiscing of the past was more like a visiting of the past, where what stood out in the conversation was the changes we’ve made in our own individual lives and the realizations of how we used to be, with the misbelief of some the things we did, while accepting the responsibility of it being our fault, which to me was somewhat unexpected, but appreciated at the same time, how there was no talk about wanting to go back and re-live anything.

Also what was assisting was, the first friend told me something that I had did, (unaware till the other day) in relations to him/unconsciously towards him, that sort of altered his life, that made me realize, that you never know the affect you have on others, aware or unaware when participating in the things you do and how it could be a changing factor in someone’s life, which opened my eyes to how in a way, what I perpetuated toward him, unaware that alter his life, was in the same way perpetuated towards me that altered my life, as a consequence for having done the same towards him. And although I truly couldn’t have known, I still forgave myself for this act and explained to him how I saw it, where at first, he was like “what” you didn’t know”, but when I showed him how this was the reason I faced the same thing in my life, he understood.

So, within that answered some questions in itself, that I had about how my life had taken a turn, which showed me my own creation as a cross reference to things being my fault, which I am grateful for. What I realize is that you can visit the past without going into, the “I wish” and “what if” scenarios and into wanting to re-live it, but only if your visiting becomes a learning experience and a realization process, in which case you’re able to correct what you see in the moment.

Thanks for reading.


About carltontedford

In Process.
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