Day 528: Caring vs Condoning (Self-Forgiveness) Pt. 2

Picking up where I left off: Day 527: Caring vs Condoning (Self-Forgiveness)

caring-vs-condoning-self-forgivenesspt2I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to throughout my life, used the word care in the sense of ‘Taking care of”, meaning my expectations of being taken care of, was at the fore front of how I have defined this word, which consisted of being enabled, then depending on this enablement, because I’ve been used to it for so long, so if someone said they care about/for me, I expected them to in a way take care of me as well.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to expect others to do things for me, in relationships and when they didn’t, I was confused and took it as a sign, for me to not care about them as much either, and in doing so, I sabotaged a lot of the relationships I was in, all because of the different ways I have defined the word care/caring.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to condone myself for the way I was, where the things I did, I excused as necessary, that I needed to do them in order to uphold the character I was in at the time.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to condone, what I did to myself, in disregard of my body.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to condone the way I treated people in my world.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to condone the emotions and feelings, coming up within and as me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to condone my reacting towards other, instead of seeing where in my world have I done the same to someone else, that was being done to me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to for the longest, condone myself sitting around and being lazy, at times throughout my life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to condone abdicating my responsibility to life, for self-interested reasoning.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to condone the way others would treat me with disrespect, within that, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to condone myself treating others with disrespect as well.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to condone what others did out of the fear of being spited/rejected/ostracized and alone and by condoning some of the things people in my world did, I then found myself alone.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define condoning as the excuse that Con-done-it meaning (Consciousness done it), not ever owning up to, it being because of my acceptances and allowances that I let myself be directed into condoning the things I did to myself and in this world.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to just have sat back in my mind and condoned my life going to hell in a hand basket, really quick, until I stopped myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to wait so long to stop myself from letting my life go down the tubes, to the point of when I found the truth of things, I initially didn’t believe it, I didn’t believe that all this time, what I was condoning was not the truth of the matter and that, I was condoning the opposite of consideration, the opposite of self-trust, which was in essence being dishonest with myself and at the same time believing I was being honest.

Goes to show, what we live as we condoned, into the downfall of a life gone extremely wrong, as self-condonation.

To be continued…

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About carltontedford

In Process.
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