Self-Forgiveness on Day 519: S.Y.T.A
Nobody wants to face themselves, and there is certain thing you just don’t talk about, well, why not? How blind, lying behind the veil do we have to be, before we realize the devastation, spreading your thoughts around, have caused us in this world and reality. The responsibility lies within each and every one of us, so for this;
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give my opinion when conversing with others, starting with the words :”I Think”, that comes from the thoughts in my head conjured up by my mind giving me an answer to how I should live or should be, that I then spread around to others that moves throughout the world, as if my ideals are sound and coming from a place of understanding the point of what’s best for all, which is but instead an opinionated assumption, believed and woven into this reality as one pebble in the sands of dismay that we’ve created to live in, in this world today.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe what I think is real, when half of what we think is assumptive in nature, meaning we lie to ourselves when spreading opinions, believable to the point that others act on what we think and make uninformed decisions against someone they probably don’t know, all because of what we think, gets spread around like an addictive disease.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to excuse me saying ‘I Think” as a way of trying to get to the point of understanding them/they, why they do/did this that or the other, instead of asking myself, is what they do/did relevant to who I am, will it change me as a person, then move on to face my own problems, situations, things in my life that goes on, from investigating to solution.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have become mind possessed with my own problems and then other people’s problems, but have only spread what I think about other people’s problems around, as if what I think about them is valid, and within that I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have spread gossip around.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to, because of what “I Think” and believed what others think, have changed friends quite a few times in my life time, instead of giving myself the chance to really get to know the person in question and thus ended up sabotaging a lot of potential relationships and a few relationships I was in, all due to thoughts being spread around.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not have previously seen my fault in the matter and thought that I was just having a normal conversation with someone, who I thought would be there forever, but then something happened where we weren’t friends any longer, and found myself on the other end of thought being spread around about me, which I couldn’t understand until I realize how I have been doing the same to/towards others.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that we do know what others are thinking and feel about us, in a way, from the perspective of having thought and felt a certain way about someone else., while trying to disassociate ourselves from the fact that we have done the same to someone else, as one of the calling cards to how fucked up we’ve created humanity in this existence to be.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that some of the things I would tell people, they couldn’t wait to go back and tell someone else, hence the change of friends, then with the New friends I’d start all over again, as if the slate is now clean and I’m the nicest person in the world, but then find myself repeating the same pattern that I have before, over again, remaining wrapped up within the thoughts I’ve spread around, not realizing that the New friend has done the same thing towards someone else to, but this topic will not be up for discussion any time soon, between us, being that birds of a feather flock together and (in humanities case) hide how we really feel about each other, from each other.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have made a part of my personality, from what I’ve heard as Adult talk growing up and took it with me throughout grade school, into high school and used this spreading thoughts around, to be accepted, then into being an Adult myself and onto the Job market, and used it to get ahead, not realizing that it was my head on the chopping block, (per se) considering ‘Do unto others as you would like to be done unto, making spreading your thought around a way of life, in my world and reality.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have not realized the words “I Think” is sort of an admission of guilt that made this world into the way we experience ourselves in it today, messed up, corrupt, a pleasant disaster, pleasant because I was not seeing how bad things really is, (and still haven’t seen the full gist of it all), being that in my neighborhood all is quiet, living behind an illusion of grandeur, thinking as long as I’m ok that’s all that matters, which is far from the truth of things, that’s why I’m now taking responsibility for my participation in the matter.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have accepted without question a neighborhood watch program, not realizing this program gives you the right to watch your neighbors and come up with an assumption as to what you think they’re doing and spread your thoughts around the neighborhood about them, under the guise of stopping crime, while hiding behind the walls in our homes, to live out this spiteful behavior, my participation is Null.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to time and time again have invited this type of behavior into my home stating that I am accepting and allowing it to exist within and as me, as well as within the confines of my home, which I now see as a stumbling block to self-change/expansion/growth and development, stopping me from reaching my utmost potential and I can’t have that, so I commit myself to stopping the spreading of thoughts within and as me, as well as me in my world and reality, to just not participate in gossip at all.
Self-Forgiveness on Day 520: S.Y.T.A. Pt.2
No subject should go untouched if you expect to change, if we expect this world to change, I mean things aren’t going to miraculously straighten itself out. The only 180 there is, is within you, in stopping what you and I used to do and accepting the Truth, so Yes, we did this to us. Continuing…
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have not wanted to admit the tricky part being the ignorance I let plague me, when accepting being labelled repulsive names and reacting to them as if this is who I really am, then would return the favor of sorts, labeling others back with other name calling methods, words coming from thoughts, then spread around and believed and accepted, being one of the most simplistic form of separation, that really shouldn’t warrant any reaction at all, but we do, showing how lost and gullible we really are.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have really felt a certain way in my past when called out my name, but would make up a different name to call myself and agree to it being acceptable for people to call me that. Within that I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be defined by the names others would call me, instead of just laughing it off knowing that this is not who I really am, I mean now the labels we have accepted in society are really funny created words to me.
I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see/realize that it was just the mind that I have allowed to stand in my way, like a Chinese puzzle waiting for me to figure myself out, that I believed is who I really am, so I would follow around what I spread around, that’s was in my head like a Zombie, while biting the life out of any shred of common sense and decency I ever had.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that I was speaking my mind, when in fact I was too busy following it, in accepting and allowing my mind to speak through me, like a Ventriloquist puppeteering my every move, being that I saw the mind as who I am, while separating myself from it.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that secrets are not really a secret, but one of the best ways to get any word out, being that we all like secret and everybody wants to tell someone one, so in essence we spread our thoughts around like a wild fire in secret form, that eventually gets spread throughout humanity and accepted as the norm. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to spread my secret thoughts around to others, thinking they would remain a secret, which never did and always came out in a way. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself for having spread my thoughts around, after finding out how messes up this is and experiencing the consequences for doing so.
To be continued…