Day 518: Energy Fixes

energy-fixesVitamin Pack, Energy Drinks to Micro Dots and pills that’s pink. Uppers and Downers, mushrooms and weed, is but a few things I’ve done when chasing after energy.

Face, it we’re all guilty of being in need of a fix, like having a bottle of champagne with a lemon twist, then becoming angry and throwing a fit, that the bottles almost gone and you paid for it. I mean why complain when you created this, to obtain a rush to the high, into a state of bliss, saying to yourself it’s my body, I’ll take the risk, but hate the feeling that comes after this.

From Relationship drama, to whose sleeping with who, if you talk to my girl, I’ll talk to yours too, then get mad at each other, claiming what kind of friend are you, is this the kind of things that friends really do, in some cases I would say Yes, it’s true, because I’ve been through this fix before and complained all the way through.

Making Energy Fixes more than just substances, the addiction to conflict in all its abruptness, what’s this feeling inside me coming up, of wanting to argue, scream, yell and fuss, as if when I huff and puff your whole world will collapse, then after the fix, real quick in need of a nap, because you’re mentally drained an just want to go hide away, then wake up to chase after another fix the next day, like pressing replay until the day you die, I mean who would have believed that the fiction in fixes are all a lie.

Unawareness when participating in energy fixes is but abuse, while knowingly choosing to hide behind the excuse of having no power to do anything, so I need this fix to set me free and give me the energy I so dearly need, that of course comes at a price, that I can’t clearly see, until it’s too late, all because I wanted to stay awake to not miss a thing, but what’s really gone missing is me. Where were you?

Who am I, is more like it, when participating in energy fixes, I’ve become a slave to the mind, to my emotions and feelings, on and extreme ride of a high to the lows of a cry, to seeing my life flash right in front of my eyes, how long must I remain a character in disguise, hoping that the time would just fly by and at the end of the day I’ll say I tried, but not once ever asking myself the question why.

Why do I do this, what’s wrong with me, what’s wrong with the way I see things, what I experience and what I believe, what is it that I really wanted to be. I’ve became forgetful, I’ve forgot who I really am, I’ve forgot the responsibilities of being a man, my plan was to only do this on the weekends, and now I’ve lost everything including my friends, so now I’ll just take myself on another binge and repeat the same thing over again.

But something have to give, I’m tired of living this way, I’m tired of going out every night and seeing the same old faces, with the same old story at the same old places, it’s like I’m trapped in a time loop while stuck in a cage, I’m having Déjà vu, I’ve seen this before, I’ve walked down this street and I’ve been through that door, I’ve gotten sick in this bathroom and I’ve slept on this floor, but enough is enough, I’m tired of this shit, Is what happens when you chase after an Energy Fix, you become addicted to it.

Change will only come when you’re done playing these game with yourself, when you’re done making excuses for BE-ing LAME with yourself, Blaming everybody else for the position you’ve put yourself in, I mean I’ve been there and done that and went back again, but nothing ever changed so I made myself stop, I’ve been putting myself through an awful lot, by thinking that I was being fixed by taking energy fixes, as an elixir to the pain and my mental condition, like I was living a fictional life in a reality I created and every minute I was in it, I really fucking hated it.

So, what really assisted me to get over this point, was when I found this group called Desteni, that showed me how I’ve been the one creating my reality into the way it is, and how I am the only one who can change it, by changing MYSELF. There Free Online Course DIP Lite, greatly assisted me with getting to know myself and my mind and how to stop myself from chasing after these Energy Fixes and in using the tools that’s there for you, I was able to transform myself from chasing after Energy Fixes to Fixing myself. I would suggest clicking the link above and investigating it for yourself.

Funny story that brought this topic up, was first off, I never knew or would have come up, with these words Energy fixes, (although that’s exactly what it is) let alone knew what they were, so being that I haven’t taken any extreme substances in about a good 5 years, or a little bit less, about 4 and some change, the other day I was travelling in between states and about an hour into the trip, I became really tired for some reason and couldn’t keep my eyes open, but knew that I had a long way to go, so what came to me was to get a 5 hour energy, so I did and took it and instantly became awake, like wow Ok and told myself I wanted stay aware of what I was experiencing and how long it would last, sort of an investigation into the fix that I received from this 5 hour energy drink, what I experienced was first a calmness, then I start feeling this positive energy coming up within and as me, which I immediately started applying self-forgiveness in sounding it out loud, for every thought that came up, where I couldn’t believe first off how strong this stuff was, and how I used to do this almost every day, back in my hay days, like “really, I did this to me” and at that point right there, was the point of me really realizing with awareness that I was having an energy experience from this Energy Fix, I mean because you really don’t know what you’re experiencing when you’re in the midst of getting high, all you know is that you feel good for a moment, but being aware of what you’re experiencing is a totally different story, like “Oh my God, to the misbelief that I’ve done this to myself first off, and is not something I would like to experience again, in the context of just wanting to feel good.

Then after a while, I begin to feel the low end of it all, with this negative energy coming up, almost like a chemical imbalance in your stomach, which blew me away to, where throughout the whole ordeal, I remained as still as possible, because any exertion of movement would trigger some form of reaction within and as me, which was also a cool cross reference that Self-Forgiveness really works when applied correctly, so I made it to my destination and back applying self-forgiveness the entire way, lol, but now know that Energy Fixes is really not the way to go, nor to be used as a resolution for anything, and in this case with 5 hour energy, they should have put Self-Forgiveness needed when consuming on the side of the bottle.

Thanks for reading

About carltontedford

In Process.
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