Day 513: Nothing to Say

nothing-to-sayWhen words are on the tip of your tongue, but don’t want to come out right when speaking them to someone or write them down = you feel as if you’re ‘tongue tied’. In the moment when you’re flabbergasted, when the News is Jaw dropping, and you’re stuck with nothing to say, is a point of shock, where you become ‘tongue tied’, but feeling as if you’re ‘tongue tied’ is not only limited to this type of thing happening, but much more, so in this blog I will be discussing how this all came about in my life, to see if I can correct this blockage that I seemingly have of not being able to say or describe what’s on the tip of my tongue, that wants to come out and most of the time when it does, it comes out the wrong way, and I wish I wouldn’t have said anything.

Fast forwarding a bit, takes us to levels of comprehension, where it usually take me 2 or 3 times reading something to comprehend it completely and/or to the point of being comfortable with being able to respond with clarity on a specific subject matter, meaning it’s not that I don’t care about what’s being discuss, to the contrary, it’s that I want to respond showing my comprehension through a practical example, almost like being told to ‘use a word in a sentence’, showing that you understand it’s meaning.

It can be a bit frustrating when you just can seem to get your words together in the moment, but you know what to say and when you start speaking it’s like you’re stepping all over your words, meaning there’s no flow to it and especially when you’re speaking to an impatient person, whose always saying, just get to the point, as I have experienced in a past relationship, where I really became frustrated because I didn’t have the tools I do now to walk myself through this point and out of being frustrated.

I mean even with writing, if I have the time on my own, I can pretty much explain what I want to say, I guess that’s why I write a lot these days, because it’s stuff that I need to get out of my system, that’s been bottled up inside me what seems like forever, hiding behind feeling as if tongue tied, that I never got out, in the moment of speaking to someone, it’s like I took a long enough vacation from explanations, unless someone was patient with me, then I could get out what I had to say, I mean it’s not every little single thing that I can’t respond to or explain in the moment, it happens when the important things come up, like let’s say during chat, where I do understand in a way what’s being said and/or discussed, but when it comes to responding, for some reason I feel as if I’m ‘tongue tied’ or might I say finger tied, because what I start writing with my finger doesn’t match what I really want to say, so I just continue reading and/or taking notes, although, I’m getting a little better and I know it takes time and practice.

It’s fascinating how when you’re in front of someone who communicates pretty well, you want to be saying the right thing, which in the past made me stumble over my word even more, and I know to some, it doesn’t seem like there’s a problem, but only a person who’ve experienced the feeling as if they were ‘tongue tied’ before knows what they are experiencing on the inside, which in a way stems from feeling as if you don’t or didn’t have a voice at some point in your life, I mean when you’re constantly told to shut up you don’t know noting, as a child growing up, by your older siblings you start to suppress things, hold things in, to the point where, when you do know what to say, you don’t say anything, because you’re still hearing that voice in the back of your mind telling you to shut up you don’t know nothing, and that’s only around certain people.

Which brings in a the point of comfortability, because people who I’m comfortable around, it’s not a problem to explain what I mean, so the thing for me is, to get to the point of feeling comfortable enough around anyone, to be able to explain exactly what I mean, what I see/realize/understand and/or experience without feeling as if I’m ‘tongue tied or have nothing to say or being judgmental in thinking others may judge me for what I say, which is in fact is me judging myself, I mean being that I’ve been 40 plus years knee deep in the problem, I do understand that the point of solution will take some time for me to walk through, which is why I’m writing about it, because at times it’s too much, so excuse me while I figure this shit out, with something else to say.

To be continued…


About carltontedford

In Process.
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One Response to Day 513: Nothing to Say

  1. Pingback: Day 515: Nothing to Say (Self-Forgiveness) | Carlton's 7 Year Journey to Life

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