Day 510: Management Pt 2

management-pt2More on Management – Being that as if when you reach your Man-Age/Wo-Man-Age you’re supposed to be able to manage yourself, I mean in our house hold, once you turned 18 you were pretty much kicked out, meaning it was time for you to go out on your own and face the world, to manage yourself, taking from all that you’ve learned up until this defining point in your life and make something of it, so however you were raised is what you would take with you, and how you would live this out for the rest of your life, the good, the bad, and the ugly, as the things we see that needs to be managed, while using management as a controlling/covering mechanism of sorts, trying to control and/or cover up the amount of bad and ugly that would get out to the rest of the world, if not managed “properly”, instead of investing in self, a form of correction, by investigating the bad and the ugly, but at the end of the day, say I meant to manage things differently.

So, this word came about the other day when an old friend of mine got my number from another friend and called me unexpectedly out the blue, and mind you me and this friend was something else together, when partying our behavior was a Wii bit overly expressive, encapsulated within our own little banana world, if you get my drift, (I mean of course neither of us is that way any longer) but during the conversation, he mentioned how he had all these old photos of us together that he would send me if I wanted and of course I said ok, so after the conversation he sent some of them over to my phone, once I saw them, I was like WOW and said “Oh my God” to the mental state that I was in while taking these photos, I texted him back; Wow, he laughed and reminded me where we were at in the summer of 2008 I then text him “Now that’s bananas, fuck I have to forgive myself for the shit I did back then man”. He then replied; HaHa “No shit son. We were off the hook son” and as I went to respond to him, I started writing Man… something or another and the word Management popped up through the help text feature on my phone, so I stopped and looked at it, then told myself, this word sums it all up, better than any other thing I could say, so I sent it to him and he responded with “HaHa yeah!, and basically that was that.

What opened up for me was to have a closer look at this word and my participation and lack thereof within it, where I managed to inebriate myself time and time again, with these energy experiences and saw that as having fun, so in fact I wasn’t managing myself at all, but letting myself be managed/controlled by my mind and whole heartedly believing that being in this state was who I really was, and as they say birds of a feather flock together and so it was a group of us, all doing the same thing, but this is about me, not them. So;

How could I go from growing up, being a religious fanatic, then getting out on my own with no awareness of what I was getting myself into, to being comfortable doing what I was doing, all the way to the point of perpetuating this unrulily behavior and enjoying it at the same time? The simple answer is, that’s what happens when you grow up sheltered, blinded by a belief system that keeps you dumb down to what’s really going on in this world and reality, I mean there’s no real home training that prepares us for what’s to come once you get out on your own, the only thing that’s said is, don’t do drugs it’s bad, don’t have a baby out of wedlock it’s bad, think on positive, good things and that’s good, read your bible and go praying on your way and you’ll be fine. Well I got News for you, when I left home I read my bible and went praying on my way and prayed so much that God answered my prayers of wanting to be free and do what I wanted to do, straight into the mismanagement of my life, my world and reality, the mismanagement of all my relationships, the mismanagement almost every job I had, the mismanagement of just about all the friends I had and the mismanagement of any means I ever had to survive and hypothetically speaking, found myself like the prodigal son, wallowing in pig shit, being that I had lost everything. This is what happen when you think you know how to manage yourself, but never seized the opportunity when given a chance to answer the question, Who Am I.

– Next: Corrective Management

To be continued…


About carltontedford

In Process.
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One Response to Day 510: Management Pt 2

  1. Pingback: Day 512: Management Pt 4 | Carlton's 7 Year Journey to Life

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