Day 505: Music as The Movement Inside Me

music-as-the-movement-in-meAs recently as 4 year ago, I was a music fanatic, in relations to how it made me feel, whenever I would listen to it for a period of time in one setting, jumping from memory to memory, from emotion to feeling, from reaction to relaxing, I mean it defined every morsel/fiber of my being, putting me in the mood of the moment, depending on which song was playing. They say that music calms the savage beast, but what they don’t tell you is that music is that which created the savageness in the beast of man in the first place.

Take a snare drum for instance, which keeps a steady rhythm, as solders march off to war, motivated to pounce on and destroy the enemy (The inner me) that I don’t want to face within myself and correct, so instead, I’ll destroy the likeness of me, that I see, within another culture or society, believing it to be the fix I needed to ‘think’ straight, so the rhythm of my heart beat can run at a normal pace, because whenever I look at myself in the mirror I become afraid and see a threat, created by the mind telling me the safest bet is to snuff it out and kill me, very interesting. In Deed, I perpetuate this act listening to the soundtrack of death, foot stomps and armor clanks aligned with the ‘SLAT’ of the snare drum hitting the rim bank.

Same as the Pomp and Circumstance March during a graduation ceremony, bringing up the feeling of accomplishment after creating more of a veil between the knowledge of who you really are and who you have become as a Doctor, lawyer or a liar, then march out into the war of the world and participate in a system design to destroy everyone and everything in it.

They say the G cord invokes different mood swing from feel sad to being happy, to become aggressive when played at different tonalities, velocities and rhythms, if so, that being said is why we run to the saddest song after we break up with our mate, sitting all alone, going through emotional turmoil and after the water work, we’re ready to face the world and do it all over again, which should be a sin when claiming this sappy song supported me when I was down and out, truly meaning, I fed into this emotional desert, which solidified the blame I have projected toward, onto my Ex now partner in question.

When things are going well, I need a more upbeat tempo song to keep the good times rolling, the club is usually the place to receive this fix, cocktailed with a designer drug and a bottle of bubbly mix, I have no care in the world, which is partly correct in the moment, because the Mind, have given you a back seat view of how sloppy and happy you can be, that’s why when you wake up, where ever you wake up at, you say, what happened to me, and as it slowly comes back to you with the music still playing in your head, you tell yourself I’ll rather be dead than to do this again, then rinse and repeat.

Being frustrated at something that has transpired in your life, that you had no control over in the moment, (because you were outside yourself seeking happiness) makes one angry and want revenge, so I need the grungy dark type music, with a deep bass line and Hard kick drum and snare, because I just want to kick someone in the rear, but instead I’ll just sit there with a beer and a mean mug on my face and bop my head to this murderous track, while thinking way back about everything I didn’t do, but should have done, but couldn’t do because I was too scared of what may happen and wanted to run, when it was my fault to begin with, certainly biting of more than you can chew to end this.

To be continued…

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About carltontedford

In Process.
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One Response to Day 505: Music as The Movement Inside Me

  1. Pingback: Day 507: Music as The Movement Inside Me (Self-Forgiveness) | Carlton's 7 Year Journey to Life

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