Day: 502: Can You Keep a Secret, And Why (Self-Forgiveness on Lying)

For context, refer to:

Day 499: Can You Keep a Secret, And Why
Day 500: Can You keep a Secret, And Why Pt 2
Day 501: Can You Keep a Secret, And Why Pt 3

Here I’ll do Self-Forgiveness on the aspect of lying, when asked if I knew something and told to keep a secret by someone else.

can-you-keep-a-secret-sfI forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to follow a pattern of initially lying to the person asking if I know something or another, by saying something different and/or No, not at all, when sworn to keep a secret from this person, as per the dream I had.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to compromise myself by putting myself in a position to take the fall for the person asking me to keep this secret and/or lie, by saying something else agreed upon.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be partial in keeping a secret for some for my own self-interested reasons.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when caught lying about a secret I was supposed to keep, then tell the person the truth about me lying as per in the dream I had and leave it at that, creating consequences for me to face later on in life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create consequences for myself, by first off keeping a secret and then lying about not knowing what the person asking the question is talking about, then admitting to it, and letting it go as if nothing just happened or would happened.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be sworn to secrecy when I was in the military and a friend who got caught doing something they wasn’t supposed to, ask me to go along with the lie he was perpetuating about not stealing a phone card if I was asked that he did it, and kept the secret until I too got caught as well.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to then go along with this lie to the detriment of myself and my military career in a way, but not completely.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to lie to the Captain who asked me to tell the truth about the matter at hand, to cover up for my friend’s mishap.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that my lying would help out, by keeping the secret of what my friend really did, to myself, which in the end didn’t work out for me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not take into consideration the other party involved and what they might be going through, all because of what my friend did to them, where I took his side and not the side of what was the correct thing to do and paid for it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have been so gullible to join into this mayhem, when I wasn’t in anyway a part of what my friend was doing/had done, all because I wanted to be accepted and seen as cool and loyal to them in a way, which back fires.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think/perceive/believe that this friend was really my friend and that I could trust him to stick to the program he created, but little did I know he turned on himself leaving the rest of us out there, to face our own consequences and that we did.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to then, when called back in to speak to the Captain, not seize the opportunity to come clean that was afforded to me, but instead choose to go down with the lie, having no idea what was in stored for me and that it was a setup, where I then had to face the consequences for my stupidity, not in a judgmental way.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that I could get away with lying about a secret when the other party finds out the truth, and thus face the consequences for doing so.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see/realize/understand that secrets are not really secrets, but preverbal thoughts waiting to come out, as they must and will, being that no thought is a secret, its as if you’re saying it out loud, when you’re thinking it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that lying to someone about not telling them what I know, will stop them from reacting, when in fact might be the other way around and who do I think I am to hold a person’s decision making process in my hand, in my mouth without spitting it out, because when push comes to shove and they figure it out, they’ll come running back to me, who is partly to blame for the action they’ve taken, because as they were right there on the cesspit of figuring things out, I withheld vital information that would have changed their fate and mine as well, from the consequences that I ended up facing.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have been selfish in taking on the task of keeping a secret from someone and lying about it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that others don’t need to know things that’s concerning them, as if I really had any say so in the matter.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not want the same to be done to me, but have perpetuated it onto towards others in my life, in relations to lying about a secret I was told to keep.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to lie about secrets I was told to keep, when telling the secret could have help the person I was lying to.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see/realize/understand the fine line between when and when not to tell a secret one comes to know, as I admit all secrets are not worth telling, just as all secrets are not worth hiding and by telling and/or not telling some, could have a dramatic effect on the person that may be detrimental to their wellbeing and life changing, in which case the secret should not be mentioned at all or vice versa, but only in the case where the mind is not involved and self-interest doesn’t play a role.

So, when and as I see myself being told to hold onto and keep a secret from someone, where I see that this may put me in a compromising position of having to lie about not know, injecting myself as a side taker between two parties, I stop and tell this person, “I’m sorry I have no room within me to house this secret, so it would probably be best to leave me out of it. I see/realize/understand the mechanism used to self-sabotage myself is within my acceptance of the information given and that if this person can talk about another in this way, there’s a good possibility they will at some point do the same to me.

I commit myself to no longer being the sounding board for someone spewing information about other, thinking and/or asking me to keep a secret from them and obviously, I must know this person, because they’re asking me to keep a secret from them, but instead to not agree to place myself in such a compromising position and make it clear to them, that they must talk to this other person about the information they have and not me.

When and as I see myself being dragged into a situation of telling a lie to keep a secret for a friend and/or anyone else, I stop and breathe and tell them “My name is bennet and I ain’t in it, so don’t bring this shit my way, as I have been in this position before, which was not a pretty picture to say the least and ended up with my head on the chopping block (per se) – that they should take responsibility for what they’ve done and get it over with as a lesson well learned to not repeat. I see/realize/understand that any persons asking me to be part of their mayhem is only out for self and should be question if I’m any type of relationship with this person. I also realize in hindsight the devastation it may cause to one’s survival/career or potential opportunity for advancement in one’s life as it did mine, being that all you’ll ever be is in the service of others, so Hell No and No Thank.

I commit myself to no longer placing myself in the service of other, to take part in any cover up, that they’ve perpetuated, because I have enough problem on my own and don’t need any extra bullshit.

So, As this is on Dimension I was looking at that need to be sorted out as per the dream I had; In the next post, I’ll do self-forgiveness on accepting things to keep a secret from others in your world as a form of participating in spite Behavior directed toward this other person you’re asked to keep a secret from, by the person asking you. You are just as spiteful as they are.

To be continued…

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About carltontedford

In Process.
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