Day 489: Self-Manipulation

self-manipulation“Believe me you, because I’ve seen it with my own two eyes, in my mind as clear as day, so whatever you say doesn’t matter, I will move ahead in implementing what it is I want to do with what I want to believe in and that’s that”. Self-Manipulation is believing the Back Chat in your mind, telling you, I know I’m right to be mad at this, that or the other person, because, they’ve made me feel a certain way. Self-Manipulation is when you get mad at something not going right in your life, in the moment you made a decision to sit down with yourself and work on you, but end up not doing it, because of this something coming up in your mind, stopping you from working on yourself. Self-Manipulation is making a fucked-up decision and justifying to yourself that it was worth it. Self-Manipulation is looking for a reward or praise as a starting point of doing something for someone. Self-Manipulation is making yourself believe that everything is going to be alright, when you know good and well that shit is fucked up in this a world, and in your world and in my world and reality, but instead of facing it, we’ll even take it one step further in seeking validation from someone else, like a Parent or a good Friend or a Partner telling us, it’s ok Honey, it’s going to be alright, because that’s all we’ve heard growing up, so the manipulation comes in when we believe this statement to be true. Self-Manipulation is the Abdication of Responsibility for oneself untaken, because we’ve attached ourselves to a Belief System allowing ourselves to Be the Lie, while operating under the Control of the System.

There’s more than meet the eye, when looking at who Self really is and have become, hidden away in hibernation, in the cave of Self-Manipulation, distracting ourselves from being Here standing up and saying ‘From Here No Further’ will I accept and allow myself to continue to Manipulate me, let alone other, but to us Self-Manipulation is the voice in our head as God telling us to submit to his will, submit to what I’m telling you, because you’re right.

Self-Manipulation is more than just the desire to be right, but the belief that we are, all the time, without investigating what the truth really is. I mean isn’t it true that we think we know ourselves, but don’t listen to what our self is really telling us, through a sign of pain, indicating you should be ashamed of yourself, for not Manning up and owning the deceit you inflict on me, but instead blame the pain on sleeping wrong, while admitting that you were sleeping when life came calling?

Self-Manipulation is something we do in private, away from prying eyes and so we think we’re right to come up with an outcome that only suits my minds wellbeing, caught in a web of Manipulation unable to see the damage we’re really doing to our Physical Bodies, while thinking this body is just a shell and the mind lives forever, but sadly mistaken it’s in reverse and not wanting to see it because, we’re too busy Manipulating ourselves, and others to follow suit.

Man-I-Pulled-It-Together-To-Late, is what we’ll end up saying if we don’t stop Manipulating ourselves, as I look back at the other day, how I Manipulated myself, when I went to sit down and write me out, where I faced a blank, and brought up something that wasn’t working right in my world in my mind, and fed off of this energy to the point of blaming everything else but me, using this point as a validation to not proceed, but cross my arms in hibernation from seeing that I was drowning in Self-Manipulation, then stood up, waking up to the fact that it was time for me to go to bed. Oh, what a Wasted Moment, so for this;

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience a wasted moment last night, when I went to sit down and write me out, but faced a blank at which time, I brought up something not going right in my world, as a validation, in becoming mad to not do anything, as I then crossed my arms and watched a movie, in hibernation from my responsibility in making the value of that moment susceptible to Change in Me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Manipulate myself into believing, I was justified in not doing anything, because of something unrelated to the moment coming up within and as me (in my mind), as something to feed off of, the idea of me facing a blank.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to let chasing after this energy take precedence over me Breathing myself through to the other side of this Blank I was facing.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use Self-Manipulation as a point of validating my improprieties, where I believe the shit that’s going on in my mind, during and throughout a situation and/or a definitive moment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take the Value of every moment for granted, in that moment, when I sat down to write me out.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to waste a valuable moment of my time on Self-Manipulation, not realizing moments add up as the definition of the life we live/want to live and future to have, being that these moment consist of whether we are enacting change in our lives or not, we’ll tend to pay the consequences either way, good or bad, meaning that it’s up to us, it’s up to me to create myself into change, into who I am in every moment of breath.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see/realize/understand the limitations of Self-Manipulation, that it’s always too late, after the fact in point of creation has gone by, did I manipulate myself into believing that, that wasted moment was validate, was justified, when it was just I who perpetuated in it, missing the chance of Self-Expansion.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to miss out on a valuable moment of Self-Expansion, by participating in the moment with Self-Manipulation.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself ‘to even now’ try and manipulate myself into thinking that’s enough, when the only enough, is what I’ve had of my mind always stepping in and manipulating things to go in its favor.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to live Self-Evaluation instead of Self-Manipulation, by putting myself on probation to see if/where and when am I still Manipulating myself, in my world and reality, to not see the me that I have become.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not what to see the me that I have become, hence at time I use Self-Manipulation to Blind myself for see and taking responsibility for the Man I called me.

So, when and as I see myself wasting a valuable moment of my time on thinking about something not going right in my world, unrelated to moment at hand, that I use as a validation in Self-Manipulation to not stand up and seize the moment, but instead become mad and sit there with my arms crossed and watch a movie, I stop and breathe. I see/realize/understand that time waits for no one, as the one I chose to be, was not on time and missed out on a cool moment of Self-Expansion.

I commit myself to seizing the moments of Self-Expansion – to not be interrupted by any Manipulating factor my mind present to me, as a form of resistance to not write me out, but instead to step pass the cesspit and walk through the door of Change in Me.

When and as I see myself wanting to hibernate, to hide in my Neighbors room in my mind, from facing me at every turn and waiting till it’s too late to do something about the me I have become, I stop and breathe and show myself to me, as I see/realize/understand that the me that I don’t want to see, is the me that will set me free when correctly corrected, so why waste time with Self-Manipulation, when it’s limiting factor is the devaluation of my life.

So, I commit myself to no longer devaluing myself by using Self-Manipulation to hide behind the idea of self in chains, but to see/realize/understand that with the Mind gone only self remains, so I should get to know me.

I commit myself to no longer accepting and allowing myself to waste a valuable moment on a thought of something not going right in my life, but to investigate and get to the root cause, meaning to continue and write me out, in this case, that would have changed me from feeling a certain way to correcting my ways.

I commit myself to no longer limiting myself with the use of Self-Manipulation, but instead to use Self-Evaluation that would produce an outcome of Change in Me.

I commit myself to continuing to Map me out, to continuing seeing what it is that I don’t want to see, to continue doing what it is that I was resistant to doing, and change from being me to who I REALLY AM AS LIFE.

Investigate more of yourself; Here.


About carltontedford

In Process.
This entry was posted in Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink.

1 Response to Day 489: Self-Manipulation

  1. I do accept as true with all of the ideas you have presented to your
    post. They’re really convincing and can definitely work. Still,
    the posts are too short for starters. May you please lengthen them a bit from next
    time? Thank you for the post.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s