Day 482: Missing, The Obvious

missing-the-obviousWhat’s in front of me, what’s around me, what’s behind me, what are my strengths, what are my weaknesses, who am I in this moment, who have I defined myself to be, who am I within my words, ways and deeds, as all the obvious things I’ve been missing, not allowing myself to see, not once have I ever sat down and written these things out for myself to really have a look at, in its entirety. So, the question would come up within me; “I wonder where do I stand in my process”, what do I still need to work on or what have I done thus far in the progression of me in my process?

First off I have always throughout my life saw the complexities in things, where I would always read into things and try analyzing them, which would just complex them even more, not realizing that what’s complex is of the mind and the more simplistic things is what’s real, now knowing this and looking back on my life, I see a lot of things I could have simplified, so first and foremost, I want to start with simplifying my relationship to the obvious, then go back and map myself out, the simplistic things as the obvious I’ve been missing, so;

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have missed the obvious in the simplistic thing in my life that I need to work on.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have always complicated things in my life, instead of simplifying them.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not once get a clear picture of myself by sitting down and writing out my strengths and weaknesses, which would show me the obvious I’ve been missing.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go outside myself in search for me, looking for what I need to work on, that have always been right Here within and as me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hide things from myself, to not look at, because I didn’t want to see what I have become.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that all the answers I’ve been looking for is within me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not thoroughly investigate myself, by mapping myself out, in my relationships and day to day living, then asking for assistance to cross reference the point I’m working on, to see if I missed something.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed my mind to take precedence over my will power, in telling me I don’t know what to look for and I can’t do this, and I need help, then believing it, without first looking at what it is, for myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become frustrated at the point of me thinking/perceiving/believing that I’m not capable of seeing what it is myself, that I need to still work on, the obvious.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go through life in search of everything outside the obvious, meaning that I was looking to be told what to do, instead of investigating what I need to do with myself. Within that, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become accustom to being told what to do, since adolescence, with my mom, dad, my older sibling and the church, then into the military and onto the job market, where I gained a sense of dependency in doing exactly what I’ve been told to do, to the T and that’s how I learned things.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not have had a sense of investigating who I am in my life, before I started my process and so while walking my process, I’ve made it harder for me to see the obvious, so I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have made my process that much harder by hoping the obvious would fall into my lap, instead of seeing that it’s already there, so;

When and as I see, myself missing the obvious in the simplistic things, in my life that I need to work on, I stop and breathe. I see/realize/understand that the obvious is the simplistic things and the simplistic things is refining my relationships and my everyday interaction with others, as well as the reactions I have to certain situations and things that I’m faced with throughout my day to day living, so I commit myself to paying more attention to and taking on the obvious in my life that I see need immediate attention, such as what’s going on in my conscious mind, the thoughts that comes up, the internal reaction I have when no one is around, and to investigate the root cause of them all, one by one, to move forward in my process, getting to the point of total stability and grounding.

When and as I see, myself wanting to complicate things, instead of simplifying them, I stop and breathe. I see/realize/understand, that to complicate things is to analyze them in my mind, but to simplify them, is to take responsibility in the moment, when things arise, so I commit myself to taking responsibility in the moment when things arise and no longer accept and allow myself to hide them from myself and/or push them down deeper inside me, but clean the surface, that’s where the problems lie.

I commit myself to getting a clearer picture of myself, by sitting down and writing out my strengths and weaknesses to obtain the answers to the questions I’ve had about where I stand within my process, to see the obvious I’ve been missing, then go back for cross-referencing.

When and as I see, myself wanting to going outside myself in search for me, looking for what I need to work on within me, I stop and breathe, I see/realize/understand that what I need to work on has always been right in front of me, so I commit myself to staying Here to figure me out, because the problem doesn’t exist out there but right here.

When and as I see, myself hiding thing from myself, not wanting to see what I have become, I stop and breathe, I see/realize/understand, that what I have become won’t change unless I look at it, accept it and change it myself. I commit myself to no longer hide me from me, but to place everything of me in front of me and work with what I got, to change me.

I commit myself to thoroughly investigating myself by mapping myself out in my relationships, and day to day living, then if need be, ask for assistance to cross reference the points I’m working on to see if I’m missing something.

I commit myself to empowering myself to walk through the points I’ve missed as the obvious, as in obviously I need to change this, that and the other about me, so I get to work.

Thanks for reading.

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About carltontedford

In Process.
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