Day 479: Knowing That I Can Vs. Doing What I Can (Self-Forgiveness)

knowing-that-i-can-vs-doing-what-i-can-sfI forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to throughout my life have known that I can do something, but wouldn’t do it, as in just subjecting myself to the knowledge and information of it, without applying it to my life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have spread the knowledge of what I knew to others, without practicing and/or doing what I would tell others to do, myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have only done just enough to get by in my life thinking that knowledge is power, instead of realizing that the power comes in doing what I can, with the knowledge that I have.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to in the midst of a conversation, rush to the point of saying “I know right”, then turn around and ask but what do you mean, to the other person as if I really knew what the other person was talking about in that moment, which I didn’t.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have not been listening to what the person was saying, but instead thinking of what I wanted to say, when the person was finish, so in order to expedite to the completion of what they were saying, I would say ‘I know right’ as a prequel to the interjection, that I was about to perpetuate in cutting them off.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have been told that I should be or should have been doing what I can, instead of just knowing that I can, then say ‘I know’, but still don’t take it to heart (per se) and would continue my action-less speaking.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have thought people was trying to tell me what to do, instead of realizing that they perhaps, sees or know of my intended potential, therefore I would say I know, because of me not seeing what they were saying, but wanting them to just shut up. Not cool. Within that
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have not willing accepted what others would tell me that was assistive, because I didn’t allow myself to realize to change me, before they said something.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have thought that knowing was the battle and as long as I know that I could do something, time would wait for me to do it, telling myself; “I can do it at any time”, while watching my life become more fucked and slip away from me in the meantime.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have thought if I gave others the knowhow I had to do things, they would possibly do them for me, which backfired every time, because once they realized they could do it on their own, they didn’t need me anymore, leaving me stuck within the point of not doing for myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to let lip service be all I existed as, where I knew I could do more than what I was doing, but as long as people was listening to me, I felt I didn’t have to do anything, out of the belief that I was handing them the key to life/survival or something, when I didn’t know what life worth living was in fact.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have existed as a form of laziness in a way, not doing for myself but expecting others to do the leg work for me, which didn’t work, won’t work because, I realize I have to walk things/points for myself in order to effectively experience change within and as myself and my life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when I got to the point of forcing myself, having to do what I can, I experienced the cross reference of things working out, but would accept and allow my mind to get easily bored then think I need a break from things and find myself reverting back to my old ways. So;

When and as I see, myself thinking that knowing that I can, is enough, instead of doing what I can, I stop and breathe. I see/realize/understand effective living requires action behind my word and/or just knowing how, that I can, as I see/realize knowing is just the look of something per se, without trying it on, doing it.

I commit myself to doing what I can as the action behind the knowhow I possess.

I commit myself to no longer just spread knowledge of what I can do, but instead to do it myself then share how I have done it.

I commit myself to realizing that the power is in doing, not just knowing that I can, or just having the knowhow.

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About carltontedford

In Process.
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