Day 454: No Follow Through

no-follow-throughGood intentions get you nowhere, because what you intended to do you didn’t do, which shows that you have no follow through. In the midst of saying that we will do something, most of the time we really mean it, but our meaning never justifies the end, because in the end there is no follow through, and the most common excuse we use is; “Well one thing led to the next, then the next, where I lost track of time and/or found that I didn’t have the time”, but never saying, I was in my mind and second guess myself. No once do we ever consider the person on the other end, patiently waiting for us to follow through with what we said, I mean at least communicate, which is my biggest problem, no communication, no follow through, is not conducive in getting to know someone, building a relationship/friendship with someone and/or for that matter any existing relationship, I mean I’m sorry this is just how it is and how I have been existing that I really don’t like about myself and want to see this part of me corrected, so I’m writing about it.

The stench of fear is always at play, in a way when it comes to Not following through with things, whether it’s our insecurities or being too scared to say I can’t, not going to, don’t want to etc., then explain why we believe so, no excuses just how it is, again what will that person think if we tell the truth, most likely nothing, but ok thanks for telling me, as a few other dimensions connected to, No follow through.

My main excuse is thinking I’m not ready, I want to see things more clearly, learn more, do more before I…, which it really doesn’t take all that, I have the tool and know the rule to change, to just do it, so it’s either I follow through or don’t say, leave the assumption in someone’s mind that I will, so man up, excuses aside and follow through. In handling this point;

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have good intentions to do things when asked, but not follow through with it, in the time I said I would.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think/perceive/believe that my good intentions are enough, and not follow through.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when saying I would do things, always leave some kind of back door open to getting out of it, by saying things like’; “Possibly” or “Let me see how things go with me” or “Sometime soon” or “I’ll see what I can do”, which is playing both side of the fence, trying to keep everybody happy and shit, leaving nothing solidified in any case, and don’t mean anything if (in the end) I don’t follow through.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to always think that I’m not ready for something, to do something, take on a commitment after thinking that I am, and saying that I will.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to leave others waiting for me to follow through with things and not communicate what’s the matter in me prolonging.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to after insinuating that I will do something, have this fear come up within and as me of, what if I mess up or make a mistake or something.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see/realize/understand that this fear is a level of resistance brought on by the mind that I’ve allowed to sway my decision and within that; I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed my mind to sway my decision from following through, to wanting to follow through, to maybe I’ll follow through, to pushing it off indefinitely, then beating myself up about not following through.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have all the excuses in the world, after I’ve allowed myself mind to step in and sway my decision to follow through and second guess myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not fully take into consideration others waiting for me to follow through with things, I’ve personally said that I will to them and for that, to all the being who I’ve personally said that I would follow through with something and haven’t as of yet, I’m sorry and asking you to please forgive me, as I am now taking a stance to follow through with things and no longer accept and allow myself to commit to something that I’m not going to do, but do what I have committed to. So;

When and as I see myself having good intentions to do things when asked, but not follow through with it in the time I said I would to the person I said I would to, I stop and breathe and communicate to the person I said I would to, what the matter is, to not leave them hanging/waiting for me to follow through with something and not do. I commit myself to keeping a line of communication open with this person, if/as/when things change, the reason and possible solution.

When and as I see myself saying I’ll do things but leave back doors open to getting out of it, by saying things like, possibly or let me see how things go with me or sometime soon or I’ll see what I can do, I stop and breathe. I see/realize/understand that I am trying to play both sides of the fence here, trying to make everyone happy and shit, which in the end I leave nothing solidified in any case, causing my chance to step up to be pushed back, effecting not only me but others involved. I commit myself to giving solid answers and no longer leaving open ended doors and assumptions in the minds of others, to be a man of my word, to step up and follow through.

When and as I see myself thinking that I’m not ready for something, to do something, take on a commitment after thinking that I am and saying that I will, I stop and breathe. I see/realize/understand that this is but a mind production that I’ve characterized myself into, causing me to be confused and become indecisive and projecting it onto something I’m able to do that would stabilize me even more in my process. I see this as a defense mechanism of the mind, for me to stay the way I am and not expand myself, so I commit myself to cutting down the facade my mind presents to me of not being ready for things, but to gift myself that chance to prove to myself, that all it takes is to follow through one time and watch things in relation to this point get easier.

When and as I see myself insinuating that I will do something, then have a fear come up of what if I mess up or make a mistake or something, I stop and breathe. I see/realize/understand that this fear is a level of resistance bought on by the mind that I have allowed to sway my decision from following through to wanting to follow through, to maybe I’ll follow through, to pushing it off indefinitely, then beating myself up about not following through, which in the long run I experience the effects of the low/down and out Emotion, then into self-pity, and the cycle continue. I also realize that it doesn’t have to be like this, it doesn’t have to go that far, if I but only silence my mind and with no question follow through.

I commit myself to silencing my mind in relation to having internal conversations on second guessing whether I should follow through or not with something I said I will, as it is not a valid question, but a waste of one focused moment HERE, so I commit myself to following through when I say I will, as the statement of me correcting, transforming and changing me to being a man of my word, not only sometimes but all the time.

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About carltontedford

In Process.
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