Day 453: Critique

critique(Note to Self) It’s one thing to ask question, if you know what questions to ask, obviously one has to know what’s going on with you in order to set you straight in a way, critique what you’re doing correctly or not doing correctly, Constructive Criticism is always welcome, but rarely given to all equally and of course you have those who don’t like any critiquing at all, but with me it’s not the case, I’ll accept it all, if given by someone with a starting point of what’s best for all or from someone who have walked the path that I’m currently walking, only things is, it’s hard for me to ask to be critiqued, if what I’m saying is not understood by those with the ability to critique me, (if that makes sense) if not, see what I mean. Lol

Everything I’ve done in my life, I’ve always wanted to be the best at, but felt like I wasn’t getting all the answers I was seeking, it’s like I wasn’t being told everything and/or when things would be explained to me, I wouldn’t readily comprehend what was being said, it’s like I needed to be sat down one on one with someone and go through point by point how to go about this, that or the other, I mean I hated overviews and generalization, just tell it to me how it is and I’ll get it. A good critiquing helps one to get on point, stay on point and not look back, especially when one is trying to do something, get somewhere, change oneself in life.

Be the best that you can be, be the change you want to see, very loaded word and seldom achieve if the process in between is not critiqued by someone whose been where you’re going, but once again it always helps to ask questions.

It’s funny how I keep telling myself this, but when it’s time to ask a question, where to begin, even when asked how are you, we don’t readily just start spilling our gut, although there’s much built up inside us, of things defining how we are in that moment, so we end up building ourselves up to open up to the person we’re asking (like testing the waters with them), which is crazy because you then start thinking about what that person would think about you saying this or that, So most of the time we keep the juice stuff to ourselves, not mentioning what’s really going on, because we’ve did that once, to a person we thought we could trust and the gossip spread like wildfire so not again, but everyone is not the same (another point that’s needing get over before you can be comfortable with being critiqued unconditionally by the person you asked the question to) and at some point in your life you will have to trust yourself.

All and all to receive a good critiquing, one must be open for suggestion and willing to ask question to receive and learn a lesson about what you’re seeking to implement/change/learn/live and apply in your everyday life – to remember any and everything you want to do, trying to do, attempting to do/walk and be; someone has gone before you, so it won’t hurt to ask questions, watch, listen, take notes if need be, to be the best that you can be, to be the change you want to see, but it all starts with being critiqued, because no one can walk this process alone.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to like being critiqued, but not speak up and ask.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that others should already know me and what I like, without sharing it with them.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think, what I have to say won’t be understood by others, so I don’t say anything, not giving myself the chance to get perspective from someone who has walked the path I am currently walking, so I stay stagnant within the points I need critiquing/perspective on/clarity on.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not gift myself that chance to receive critiquing/perspective/clarity on certain points, thinking I wouldn’t know how to explain them correctly and thus judge myself as not being able to formulate my words correctly when sharing with others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that others will judge me for what I say/ask perspective on.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to care too much about what others think about me, although I would tell myself; “Fuck em”, which shows that I am lying to myself, not wanting to face the fact that I need to get over this point by seeking help, once and for all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to assume that what I have to say will be looked down upon and scorned, although I know that some have walked through points that I’m still walking/working on.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to compare my process with others process, in thinking how did they get to said realization and how are they able to explain things this way, but not ask them.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think it takes me longer to comprehend some things, when others can pick up and understand them right away and thus (In a way) beat myself up about it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hate overviews and generalizations and think that everything should be simple and to the point for me to get it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think at times that others are speaking a different language and I just can’t pick up on it right away, when read things that’s being said, until I go back and read it again, asking myself why can’t I get it the first time I read it like everyone else. Within that, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to access the self-pity character within this last self-forgiveness statement.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when it’s time to ask questions think where to begin, then face a blank and I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to, instead of filling in the blank with what’s on my mind, I have this energetic feeling coming up within and as me, as if everything’s ok now, (just like now, when righting this self-forgiveness statement, where I wanted to add more to it) ok, but sabotaging my opportunity to take control of the points I’m walking and correct them, by getting perspective, a good critiquing on them. So

When and as I see myself, wanting to be critiqued, but not speaking up and ask, I stop and breathe. I see/realize/understand that although I am open for suggestion, I also need to open my mouth and ask questions, no matter how they come out, how they would sound, because at the end of the day no one is around to face me but me. I commit myself to asking for perspective on that which I need to see things clearly/with more clarity.

When and as I see myself thinking that others should already know me and what I like, without sharing it with them, I stop and breathe. I see/realize/understand that no one is a mind reader and this form of thinking as an excuse to not say anything, is what I’ve used over the years to limit myself, which I’ve consequentially found myself introverted with no effective conversational skills. So I commit myself to dropping all excuses of grandeur, to say what I need to say/ask to get back (if need be), and stay on track.

When and as I see myself thinking, what I have to say won’t be understood by others, I stop and breathe. I see/realize/understand, as this being an excuse, I am not gifting myself that chance to get perspective from someone who have walked the path I am currently walking, thus would end up stagnant within my process. I commit myself to gifting myself the opportunity of critiquing/assistance and support from other to get to where I’m headed, to who I am as life.

When and as I see myself thinking others will judge me for what I say, I stop and breathe and say Nigga please, because I see realize understand that I am accessing the self-pity character along with this judgment of myself, where I start thinking, what I have to say is less than others, which is a pitiful way to exist and not who I am, so I commit myself to stop JUst-DoinG-Enough, which is Judging myself, but to get out of this mode and expand myself, by speaking up

When and as I see myself caring too much about what others think, I stop ad breathe. I see/realize/understand that I’m the one thinking in this equation, so why bring others into my thought process, as an excuse to prolong the inevitability of me getting to the root cause of my problems. I commit myself to leaving others out of it, what they think, but instead to focus on me/my process and how to stop my thinking.

When and as I see myself comparing my process to others in thinking how did they get to said realization and able to explain things this way, but not ask them, I stop and breathe. I see/realize/understand that each one has their own process and are at different phases within them, and at the appointed time, I will get to the phase in which I see others at, to no longer revere what they do/say/write, but to see/learn/catch up and walk with. I commit myself to catching up and walking with, but not in a sense of rush, but in a sense of gaining perspective/critiquing from those that have walked before me, as equals.

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About carltontedford

In Process.
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