Day 449: In Common

in-commonJust because you don’t have anything in common with someone anymore, does it dictate that your friendship with this person should be terminated? People change with the times, what may be good for the goose may not be good for the gander any longer, but it doesn’t mean that the goose and the gander shouldn’t be friends or can’t hang out any more. The commonality is then within the time they’ve known each other, there’s never a complete miss in everything you have in common with a person, a friend, an associate, meaning, you still have something in common with them, just not an immediate energetic experience, for example one might still like going out and the other might not like it any more, is not a cause for complete separation, but on the same but slightly different note, is not to judge the one that still do what they choose not to do any longer, that would be self-righteousness, where now you’ve gotten to a point of thinking that you’re better than your friend, which is unacceptable, causes division and could lead to the demise of your relationship.

When you think about it, common sense is the commonality within and as each and every human being, it’s what we have in common, but seldom realized or used in relationship as having something in common with someone else, because these day, common sense is just too boring, there’s no fun in it, as society has dictated. This is in relation to friendship that I’m talking about.

I must admit and have learned that you have to have some things in common when going into a relationship with a partner or else the conversations and time together will be amiss, as I have learned the hard way, being that almost all the relationships I’ve been in with someone, lacked any substantial commonality, so when it came to having a conversation, I had nothing really to talk about, but would just listen, I mean it was hard to even answer simple question, for instance; “What do you want to eat”, my answer would be; “Whatever you cook” or “What do you think about this or that”, my answer would be; “I don’t know, “What do you think”, then feed off their answer to give my own, where’s the commonality in that. I truly believed that I was in the right, by leaving things up to them, all the time, then learned later, that wasn’t cool, but by that time it was too late, every time.

In hindsight there was this feeling that I had within my telling me that I have nothing in common with anyone that I whole heartedly believed, which made my standards way too high to even find someone who I thought was compatible to me, which shows a level of separation I existed as, so but when it boils all down, I’m sure I had things in common with the people I had relationships with, but was too blinded by the ideal that I was better than them and always looking for something/someone new and obviously at that time I had no idea how my mind worked, so it was open season all the time in my head.

An interesting thing happened to me the other day, that made me want to look at this point/open this point up even further, where a friend was visiting, and while they were here, in one of our discussions, they had mentioned how we didn’t have anything in common anymore, so my response to that was, does that mean we should be friends any longer, which of course they said no, but couldn’t quite grasp why was commonality so important, when we’ve know each other for a substantial amount of time, within that, the point of things we used to do together came up and how I don’t participate within the same energetic experiences any longer, saying it in a way as “just by choice”, which was dually noted and well accepted by them, as for a while now they’ve known and have seen some transitions/changes that I’ve made within myself and called it out, but to make a long story short, what this showed me was how I had throughout my live, cut off, ran away from, excommunicated, and simply abandoned, those people in my life who I thought I didn’t have anything in common with any longer, purposely sabotaging my relationships with them and In some cases severing all ties, which shows the level of ignorance I existed as, so for this, for starters;

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that I had something in common with someone, based all in self-interest.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use my self-interest as a bases for commonality, where if their interest didn’t suit mine, I would think we had nothing in common and thus cut them off, run away from them, excommunicated myself apart from them simply abandon them and in some cases sever all ties.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think/perceive/believe the things I did was greater/better than the things others did and thought they weren’t on my level and so, I had nothing in common with them.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have known someone for a period of time, but when I felt they changed, would tell them that we didn’t have anything in common any longer and would walk away from the relationship we had, leaving them to ponder as to what just happened.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have sabotaged most of my relationship with a partner, because in the beginning I never sought to look for the commonality between us, but instead go after their looks, showing that I really never got to know the person unconditionally, to find out if we had anything in common or not.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to disregard the things I had in common with others in relationship, because I perceived the relationship becoming boring and had no patience to talk or listen to my x-partner and would always go looking for something different.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that common sense as commonality was boring and not something I would say I had in common with someone.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have thought that commonality was based on how well me and an x-partner had sex together.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that sex was the only thing in common with someone needed in order to have a successful relationship, not realizing that there is much more beside having sex that constitutes having a successful relationship.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have had high standards when it came to being with someone, being that I compared myself, the things I knew and did as greater/better than what others did and know and thus assumed that we wouldn’t be compatible, because we wouldn’t have anything in common.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see/realize/understand that commonality takes getting to know someone unconditionally and not just the energetic experiences you share with them, but the intimacy deriving from the conversation you have with them, in learning what they think, why they think, how they think, their aspirations and goals, likes and dislike, their satisfaction’s and what makes them unsatisfied, reactions, to the words they speak, that all sums up who they really are, compliable to who you really are.

If you really have a look at it, you’ll realize that you have things way more in common with someone than you think.

So, when and as I see myself basing my commonality with someone off of my self-interest and their interest, in relation to the energetic experience we have or don’t have together, I stop and breathe. I see/realize/understand that this energetic experience doesn’t dictate the true commonality that can be reached, if this energetic veil is dropped and I get to know this person unconditionally, as the understanding of what really brought us together will step forth to be explored, opening the door for a successful relationship to be achieved.

I commit myself to looking deeper into someone I meet, (to have a potential relationship with), into who this person really is, unconditionally to see if any true substantial commonality steps forth, or is it all just an energetic mirage and if so, to check and correct my starting point.

When and as I see myself thinking/perceiving/believing the things I do/like and know are greater than that of what someone else, do/like and know, where I would then set high standards, without investigating who this person really is, but assume we have nothing in common, I stop and breathe. I see/realize/understand that within this, I am separating myself from others as superior than them and judging them without even knowing them, which is me being egotistical, causing the consequence of finding myself alone, stuck in my own self-created little bubble world of solitude, disconnected from the people in my world and around me. I commit myself to letting go of the ideal that I am better/greater than others, that the things I do and know, holds some weigh over them, as this Is bullshit, but to instead see/realize and know that I am/they are/we are equal/the same as each other, none greater or less than.

I commit myself to no longer thinking, that just because it doesn’t seem as if I have anything in common with someone anymore, doesn’t mean that we can’t be friend any longer.

I commit myself to finding the commonality in the friendship I have outside of the energetic experiences.


About carltontedford

In Process.
This entry was posted in Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s