It seems that the only thing we say to one another these days is; “It’s either my way or the Highway”, meaning take a hike buddy, if you don’t do what I say, it’s my rules under my roof and if you don’t like it, get out, and if you’re down and out, you have no choice but to follow suit, I mean what a hard way to live, where (once again) damned if we do and damned if we don’t, in using control as a method of reasoning, which is not conducive to an effective relationship of any form , girlfriend/boyfriend, husband/wife, friend or foe, we spend most of our lives, looking to control a situation, when all we have to do really is ask a question to the person/people/individual you’re trying to control, guaranteed the outcome would be best for both parties involved, but we don’t see it, being that the control factor has been embedded within and as most of us since childhood, which then become hard to break.
We believe if we don’t take control of the situation, everything will fall apart, not realizing that we are already setting ourselves apart from ourselves, seeking to control ourselves as the face of our friends, partners, associates, family members, animal or nature. I mean it’s something how when fear creeps in, we try to control it, but ends up suppressing it, then project this onto others, where we then yell and scream at one another, which is our way of dealing with this fear, but when the deal is done, we lose that someone/something we cared “so much” about the most.
Odd isn’t it how we automatically assume someone to be a certain way, do a certain thing towards us, that we then take personally and not communicate about the matter with them and when asked, what’s the matter, we say Nothing, we then revert back to this fear and want to control the situation, we’ve just created in our mind, by let’s say ignoring the person we believe is ignoring us, which when we finally get around to talking to them, we find that we we’re completely wrong for thinking such a thing, I mean shouldn’t control be directed toward self. Get a grip, control yourself, is what I remind myself when going into such a mind possessed state of wanting to control someone/something or the situation.
Ok so the other day I was on a chat with some people and the topic of discussion was Control Vs Communication, which was really cool, but what was interesting was, later on I was R.S.V.P’d to a function, where almost every person I talked too, in some way or another brought up this same topic of Control Vs Communication, I mean a pretty fascinating evening, where this guy was telling me how he likes to be in control of the situation, in relation to being ignored by his daughter, where he wholeheartedly believed she didn’t appreciate what he had done for her throughout the years (just now) and thought she didn’t want to spend time with him and so on and so forth. What brought things into perspective for me was, his daughter had just got a job, so the spare time she had was slim to none, realizing this, he couldn’t stop, bringing up one thought after another, in thinking something is amiss between us, I then asked him, did she tell you this? He said no, but I feel… I then showed him how he was creating all of this in his mind and that what’s up here in your head is the illusion, but what’s Here in front of you is real, meaning to communicate, go and asked her, schedule something with her instead of letting your mind control what you think, so later on he then walked her to her car and came back like; “Man you we’re right, all I had to do was to communicate with her” and it worked out, which was cool, but being that we are too attached to our mind, a moment later, he them brought it back up again (with a new twist), unaware that he was doing so, but understood, what he had done.
I mean wow in real time how our lives have come to the point of being controlled by our minds and not realize that we are, this is where Self-Communication is warranted, but when these words come up (Self-Communication), we think, “Crazy-Person talking to themselves”, so how do we expect to be able to communicate effectively with one another, if we don’t know how to communicate with ourselves.
The down fail of most if not all my relationship, was wanting to control what others did, said and/or the way they behaved, instead of communicating, I made demands, in which I Damned myself right out of the relationship and ended up alone. Goes to show that control should never be an option when dealing with oneself in another, but as I found out the hard way, after the fact, if I would have only opened up and effective line of communication, then the controlling factor would have been subsided within me in a way, where I would have probably saved more of my relationships. Thanks for reading
Learn how to Communicate and take Control of your own life HERE.