For the longest, I’ve always wondered how I would have all these memories popping up what seems out of nowhere in my mind, I mean I would be standing there, walking somewhere or sitting, doing what I’m doing, then all of a sudden a sound or a random thought, a song or a picture, something I see would start my mind to racing and generate/trigger a memory that I have stored somewhere within my body to come up and replay over and over again in my head. Being that I am aware of this, I then become frustrated and start saying Stop or No I Stop, but by that time it’s too late and the memory becomes stronger and louder (with sound effects and everything) all the bells and whistles, to where my frustration turns into anger, where I get mad at myself, because they’re just not stopping at my command, so I’ve been doing it this way for the longest time, which obviously never really worked, Hmm.
So then I started doing self-forgiveness out loud, but only after the memory would come up, which would work, for most part in stopping the memory and releasing myself from it, which was cool I might add, but how am I still allowing them to come up in the first place, where does it all start from, in other words, what’s they’re point of origin, because although I’m able to release myself from them in the midst of them already be ing there, I would save myself from a lot of headaches, if I could stop them before they got to the point of me having to do self-forgiveness in the midst after they had already came up.
Interestingly enough I saw and realized this the other day, where I was in the bathroom and had just finished taking a shower, at the sink having a shave, so when I turned the facet off the water drips, (with timing) sounded exactly like a sound that I used at the beginning of a song that I had created for this artist a few years back, as if the song was playing in the sink, which really got my attention, when the actual song popped up in my head the very next moment and started playing from the beginning through, as I watched it a lightbulb came up of, I’m having an “Ah Ha” I see moment, ok this is where the memory stems from and so now that I see this, I’m able to do something about it, which is, whenever I hear something, see something/look at something that brings up the RE-Mind me of… factor, where one re- MINE they’re physical body looking for a memory that fits the description of what you just saw and or heard, I do self-forgiveness at that point, the point of no return, where the memory won’t come up and won’t return because you’re cutting it off at the roots, and being able to see that just blew me away, so in that moment I applied self-forgiveness out loud and then in written text a bit later on, and haven’t heard from that memory since, it funny because even right now I couldn’t tell you how that song started if you were to ask me, I mean I just can’t remember for real, so that’s the realization I had.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see/realize/understand that memories are triggered by what you see, hear or think.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think/perceive/believe that by doing self-forgiveness in the midst of the ongoing memory, that it would stop the memory from coming up, not realizing the I needed to go to the root cause/point of origin of the memory and eradicate it from there.
I forgive myself I have accepted and allowed myself to be baffled as to why these memories wouldn’t stop on my command of saying Stop’ or No I Stop, then become frustrated that they wouldn’t stop and angry at myself for not making them stop, as I see/realize/understand that my mere frustration and anger was fueling the memories and making them stronger and louder (with sound effects and everything), all the bell, and whistles.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize to slow myself down enough to be able to see the origin of these memories and how they would formulate, so I could get to the root cause/point of origin and stop them.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to let what I see, hear and think about, when standing, walking somewhere or sitting down doing what I’m doing, to trigger memories to come up within and as me in relation to what I see and or heard.
And I know this may sound foreign to some, but memories only keep us in a perpetual time loop of going back/wanting to go back and repeat the past, skipping over the present/the Here and Now to re-live our past as our future, that’s why nothing New is ever being made, but only re-invented, for example, I was driving yesterday and saw a billboard coming soon another Ben Hur movie, I mean, how many times have this movie been made and remade, only with a different twist, keeping us stuck and used to the past, so by allowing these memories, we’re limiting ourselves to what has been and not seeing where we’re head, which makes the evolution of self, but a figment of one’s imagination, there is no self-expansion, no self-development and no self-growth, because we’re stuck within our memories.
One must remember that these memories are not who you are, but what you’ve been through, to get to where you’re going. They show the patterns of what we have accepted and allowed in our worlds and reality and in this world and the reality that we live in as a whole, so that we may change the nature of our ways, to be able to see how we created this mess, to stop reliving the past and Create and live in a better Future that is best for all of us, all life.
Carlton's 7 Year Journey to Life 