Growing up I had a thing for being respected and/or disrespected, where I believed in order to be respected you have to give respect, but then found out that that’s not always necessarily the case, where of course it was a given to respect my elders, but how would I achieve respect from everyone else, from my peers and kids my age? I always prided myself on treated everyone the same with respect and if I was disrespected, I would take it hard, being that all I ever did was respect others as I saw it.
I gave people the benefit of the doubt if I felt they had disrespected me, in believing that someday they’ll turn around and have a change of heart, by seeing that I was respectful towards them, so why not respect me, wouldn’t you agree, but for some reason, it didn’t work that way, my respect got taken for a weakness and I didn’t even see it, but always held onto the good soul thing, where I believed that everyone had some good in them, that only needs time for it to come out, boy was I wrong. It took me until I was a grown man to see this.
In hindsight, I see how I had develop this pattern of wanting to be respected by my peers and others in my world and would fight for it, as if respect was gained through verbal or physical abuse; No it isn’t, that’s more like being feared as a show of respect, which isn’t respect at all, but convoluted fear going both ways, where the one demanding respect is fearful with self-judgment and insecurity issues and lean toward a controlling factor, fear projections to get what they want. And the other become subservient to the will and demand of the other person, under the impression that in order to get respect you have to give respect, in both cases when it’s all said and done, more of a division is set in place, instead of a mutual respect, unsaid agreement, being able to see eye to eye and respect each other for who they really are.
This came up while writing, doing a Mind Construct in one of my assignment in the SRA2 course, where it opened up, when I was a child and experienced my first situation in wanting to be respected, there was this kid at the church I went to, who I felt always disrespected me, one evening we had got into a confrontation at alter call, where he called me outside after church to fight, (to make a long story short) we fought it out and got caught by the pastor and then had to face our parents and so on and so forth. The thing is when looking back on it, I see that we both wanted to be heard, but didn’t want to listen to each other, which would have been a sign of mutual respect, but instead our Ego’s set in to try and force the respect out of each other lol, which didn’t work of course, we just ended up stop playing with each other, but would still speak to one another, which is not cool for a child, because if not handled correctly, one would grow up harboring resentment towards the other person, unable to explain why they feel this way, which in essence was us showing ourselves us as kids or might I say our parents, the sins of the fathers.
What was hard to grasp but soon realized was that it was the other way around in relation to respect, where respect is not received by just giving it, but has to be lived as an expression of who you are, who the individual is, you have to first off, respect yourself, in order to know what respect really is, not a fear based respect, passed on from parent to child, generation after generation, no but to become an actual practical living example of who you are in every moment, respecting you, yourself as life, as the life around you, as life as a whole, as life as humanity, as life as the Earth, as life as Nature, as life as the Animal Kingdom and all of existence, then this planet will be a place that’s best for all life, but it starts with you Here, without longing for respect, but to be the respect that you would like to see given to you and each and every living thing on this planet.
So after writing out my Self-Forgiveness and my Self-Corrective Statements on this timeline in my MC, I now see/realize/understand, what respect is and how it should be lived.
Thanks for reading.