Day 429: One Night

One-nightThat’s all it takes to royally fuck your shit up, one night, one time of unawareness, giving way to the mind in chasing after an energy experience. Everyone “loves” a good party, I mean who can resist that, out having fun with your friends or family member, at a club, lounge or just a simple gathering, I mean it’s all in good fun, right, that is until you get side swiped, bombarded with thoughts and ideas of fitting in, having fun like everyone else, because they really seem to be having too much fun, so I need to join them and experience the fun they’re having, this is done by our own volition, where we then begin to violate ourselves without listening to ourselves saying, you’re making the wrong decision, I mean in some cases, you’ve told yourself, that you wasn’t going to drink tonight, that you wasn’t going to do drugs tonight, you wasn’t going to take that guy or girl home tonight, you were just going to be cordial and courteous to everyone, but what happened?

We call this the anomaly, an abnormality, only this one time, saying; “Well just this one drink won’t hurt, then another and another, until you find yourself up in a stupor; “a lack of critical mental function and a level of consciousness wherein the sufferer is almost entirely unresponsive and only responds to base stimuli such as pain”, as a worst case scenario, and if so happen we do the unthinkable and go home with someone, no excuses, yes we planned it, but only after we came to our senses we deny our involvement, calling it a One Night Stand, where for One Night we forget to Stand and that’s all it takes to lose ourselves in a world of hurt, literally.

There is no such thing as plausible deniability, when you should have paused and used your ability to critical thinking, now imagine that one night being the very moment before you react to someone or something, as food for thought, you’ll get the same outcome, a hangover, consequences for your actions.

But back to the One Night theory, anything can happen within that one night, but the downside to it is when you get home and/or wake up in the morning, thinking, “Oh no” what the fuck did I just do only but for a few moments of innate pleasure, if that, then ask yourself was it worth it, did you deserve doing yourself a dis-service, because you couldn’t stand as who you really are when it counted? One things for sure, it’s not the end of the world, but it sure do feel like it, when faced and self-placed in such a predicament. That One Night.

Ok so throughout my adult life, you could say that I was somewhat of a party animal, where I had enough of those One Nights to last me a life time, so in a way when I started walking process, I would make commitments that I couldn’t keep and would end up falling almost every time, standing in the face those commitments, so but it is a process and over a period of time, after standing everytime I fail, it became easier and easier to not fall, but it’s not to say that the temptation leaves or just go away, it actually intensifies, but my resolve has gotten stronger and stronger each time.

It’s been quite a few years since I’ve been out anywhere at night, so I received a birthday invitation the other day from a family member, for another distant family member, to go with them and attend the birthday party and of course it was at night and at a club, so I accepted the invitation went and picked this family member and her family up and went to the function, when we got there the party was in full swing and what was on the forefront of my mind coolly enough was my commitment, but not to the point of being an ogre or self-righteous, but in telling myself, I know exactly what and what not to do with no question, but to have a bit fun in the process and that’s what I did, I danced a bit and conversed with a few family and non-family members without going overboard and after it was all said and done I was able to look back on that One Night I remained Standing, instead of setting myself back in my process.

So the solution to those One Nights for me was persistence, having the persistence to whenever I would fall to keep getting back up/standing up, no matter what, and now it’s not a question of the environment that I’m in, in relation to this point or what I will or will not do, but who will I be when in different environments, and that’s what worked for me.

Thanks for reading.

About carltontedford

In Process.
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