In my previous post I wrote about the ability to help someone, but what I didn’t do is write Self-Forgiveness for what I discovered within myself as far as my participation within having expectation of being helped and the reactions I experience whenever I received or didn’t receive help that someone told me they would and/or that I expected from someone, and everything else in between, a point I haven’t completely forgiven, so for this;
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have needed help throughout my life financially, but was too scared to ask for it, because of the fear I existed as, in being told No.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist as the fear of being told No, if I was to ask for financial help from someone and thus put myself in compromising positions for not asking.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to put myself in compromising position, because I existed in fear of not asking others for help, when I needed it.
I forgive myself I have accepted and allowed myself to assume that because I’ve helped plenty of people out throughout my life time, when I needed help others would be there for me and within that; I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have expectations of other people helping me out and not following through with it, even though they said they would, I should not have any expectation.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to put my trust in others words that they would help me out and then became reactive when they didn’t.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allow myself to become reactive when I realized others to not do what they said they would.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give my power to the words of other people, in reacting to what they said and didn’t do.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to throughout my life at times have given with the expectation of receiving in return when I needed it, as some kind of good karma type of thing.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have believed in the karmic aspect of giving and receiving, instead of giving as you would like to receive, the message of Jesus, Unconditionally.
I forgive myself that I have accepted an allowed myself to at times throughout my life think others owe me for the help I’ve given to them in the past, which shows that it was probably out of self-interest, but doesn’t overshadow the fact that I have given unconditionally at times throughout my life, which I should have been doing/should do and continue to do, every time I give.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have said before to myself; “man when I get some money, I’m not going to help anyone”, which was a momentary reaction to no one helping me out when I needed it the most, but then would turn right around and help the next person out, out of self-interest, where I now see the pattern I was perpetuating.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have helped others out, out of self-interest and not unconditionally all the time.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react to things in the moment and then realize my reaction was unwarranted, but not correct myself on the matter, in which case the reactions would come up again.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to although I’ve given without thinking twice about it, at times had ulterior motives in some cases going through my mind, such as when I would help others in moments they didn’t need it, but I offered, which isn’t cool as well, because in the end my offer doesn’t incline them to help, if and when I needed it, which was a realization I had to get to.
When and as I see myself believing the word of others helping me financially to the point of, when they don’t, I go into a reaction about it, I stop and breathe. I see/realize/understand that my reactions are not conducive to the situation at hand, whatever I am faced with in the moment, and causes unwanted friction, frustration, anger and conflict, which is only detrimental to me and not the other person. I also realize to not have any expectation when words in promises are spoken to me by others, as this type of assumption leads to conflict and irrational decision making in relations to my relationship with the next person. So;
I commit myself to no longer react to such statements of grandeur from others in any way what so ever, but instead to take them for face bases and if so happen it comes into volition so be it, and if it doesn’t so be it, my thing is not to react in any way, but to remain stable within and throughout any situation I am faced with.