Day 406: Redefining Stability

StabilityOk so lately I have been walking the point of stability and had to investigate first off what my definitions of stability were and what I found was pretty interesting and so I will be sharing how I walked through it, as first off at the onset of this current situation (I won’t go into details) that I’m walking through, I experienced pain in my right buttock down through my right leg, so I knew that it had something to do with my stability, so I decided to investigate to release myself from this pain and for most part, god dammit it worked, so this is what I did. Also I am only sharing the appropriate thing on this format as to not compromise myself in anyway, so STOP your mind and read this.

My definitions:

I have defined stability as being strong in the sense of being tough and able to fight and remain standing.

I have also defined stability as not taking any shit from anyone, as a demand of respect.

I have also defined stability as winning by any means necessary.

I have also defined stability as having someone to take care of me, instead of working to take care myself.

I have also defined stability as having a lot of money.

I have also defined stability as having a car.

I have throughout my life believed that I was stable, because I had things, where with these things I created a character of separation, where I thought these things made me better, more superior than others and stable, where I looked down on people who didn’t have things to make them stable. In other words, I thought things made me stable, not realizing that it was the things that I gave my power away to that Made me feeble, weak unstable. I never realized stability was being able to take care of myself and being out of my mind and able to with stand any situation that I faced without feelings or emotions or reacting, but remaining with breath in every moment, so that I could see with clarity and resolve the situation.

Sounding of the word (STABILITY)

Stab-ill-it y
Stay-bill it-me
Stay-being-me – meaning stay being who I am as life, no matter the situation.

Redefinition

So, I am redefining stability to that of staying being me, who I am as life, no matter the situation, where I remain un-wavered, firm in my resolve, un-shaken and/or moved in the sense of letting my mind direct/possess me, but to stand equal to and one with who self is – knowing living who I am through and through as life with every breath in every moment.

Self-Forgiveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have defined stability as; being strong in the sense of being tough and able to fight and remain standing, not realizing that being tough and able to fight is a portrayal of fear and not stability and so I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist as an extensive amount of and to portray fear.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have defined stability as not taking any shit from anyone, as a demand of respect, not realizing that, with my not taking shit cocky attitude I was manifesting shit onto myself out of fear again, because I feared being embarrassed by others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have defined stability as winning by any means necessary, not realizing that this is not stability, but fear and competition, where I wanted to be seen as someone greater than others and always win, so I could get attention from women all I wanted and from anyone I wanted to.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have defined stability as having someone to take care of me, not realizing that real stability is to take care of myself and having someone to take care of me is enablement and dependency, so I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have been dependent on others to take care of me and to have become used to the enablement I was receiving.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have defined stability as having a lot of money, not realizing that having a lot of money is not stability, but survival based, where greed and paranoia sets in, in becoming paranoid of not having any money and taking it to the worst case scenario as I’ve done in this current situation and so I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become paranoid of, what will happen if I don’t have any more money and lose everything that I put into this specific project.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have defined stability as having a car, not realizing that all I was doing was showing off in order for girls to see me and make it easy for me to get attention from them and get with them, so all and all, in essence I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have defined stability as the ability to get attention from a girl and be with them, by the material things I had, along with being able to fight, in a nutshell.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to throughout my life believed that I was stable because I had things, where with these things I created characters of separation, within that I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create characters of separation by having the things I had. And so
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have thought these things made me better, stable and more superior than others, where I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to look down on people who didn’t have these things that I thought would make them stable.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have thought that things made me stable, not realizing that it was the things that I gave my power away to that made me feeble, weak and unstable.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see/realize/understand that stability is being able to take care of myself and being out of my mind and able to with stand any situation that I’m faced with, without any feeling or emotional attachments or reactions, but to remain with breath in every moment, so that I can see with clarity and able resolve the situation.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to within being unstable, inflict pain onto myself and experience frustration because I was in pain, not realizing the longer I remained unstable the more the pain would increase, within that, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to increasingly experience pain due to the frustration of experiencing pain as the perpetuation of instability. So;

Commitment Statements

When and as I see myself being unstable and/or thinking stability comes from having things, a lot of money, someone to take care of me, being able to fight and winning and having a car and not taking no shit from nobody, where when faced in a situation instead of directing it, I become unstable and inflict pain onto myself in a nutshell, I stop and breathe. I see/realize/understand that these definitions are all fear based and have nothing to do with stability, which shows that I didn’t know how to live the word stability and so when this situation arose, I became unstable and thus I experience pain.

So I commit myself to living my redefinition of stability as the aforementioned description.

I commit myself to staying being me as who I am as life, no matter the situation.

I commit myself to becoming un-wavered, firm in my resolve and un-shaken.

I commit myself to being able to not be moved in the sense of letting my mind direct/possess me, but I commit myself to getting to the point of standing equal to and one with who self is – knowing living who I am through and through as life with breath in every moment, therefore I’m able to walk through the outset of this situation into a resolve that’s best for me and all parties involved.

(STABILITY)

Thanks for reading.

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About carltontedford

In Process.
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