Day 404: Dear Diary

Dear-DiaryMeaning, I’ll die before you READ IT. Anything that ever had to do with, writing, keeping logs as such = hated it, especially if it had something to do with me putting my business out there (per se) as I once called it, no way man, no thanks, so when it came to diaries, I really didn’t understand why people would write them, I mean what was the point in it all, is what I would like to talk about in this blog post.

I’ve been with a few people who kept a diary, the last was with my ex-partner some years ago, where it was always sort of fascinating to see them writing religiously day in and day out, although it didn’t really interest me as to why they would write a diary, but I was curious as to what they were writing about, but still paid little to no attention to it being done and for most part during our relationship, I respected the secrecy with no prying eyes, although… and I’ll get to that in a moment, but let’s get into a few perspectives on how I see the use of a diary existent within and as humanity today.

First point, being that we can’t remember shit, the majority of us use this as a platform to remember things, so we can go back to our diaries to recall our interaction with a particular individual, situation, thought and/or idea, to move or not to move forward into, let’s say implementation, correction as a remembrance of a most recent forgotten past. Within this I see a diary as an extension of the mind, physically, where instead of searching through our memory banks in the mind to bring a thought back up, we can just go to our diary and flip to May 25, 2016 to see what we were thinking, as in; “What were you thinking when you said and/or did this”?

On that note a diary can be used to remember a state of being, Feeling and Emotions expressed in a certain situation, towards someone or something, so when the person and or situation come up again/back into our life, we can just go into our diary again and bring up how we responded to and or acted in said past or similar situation and correct ourselves if need be.

A diary as a form of release mechanism, is one of the most commonly known ways of usage, where all the things one thinks but Don’t say, as to how one is feeling/feel about a certain situation, interaction with a certain person (mainly in all relationships of all sorts), about the person, likes and dislike, how they respond to what you say, how they act and move in a particular way, your conflicting interest with them, to what you like about them, but too scared to say, if you tell them they’ll get the big head, we use this as a judge and validation to deal with or no longer deal with someone, holding them accountable for how we’ve assessed the situation in our minds, without saying a fucking thing, which stops one from really getting to know the person in question, as our assumptions could most likely and for most part be wrong and in some cases we claim that we’ve dodged a bullet, which may well be, but not a valid reason for none communication, Especially if you’re in a relationship with someone, communication is a vital tool where things can be solvable/resolvable which could make the relationship salvageable and more enjoyable., in which case the diary is being used as a mean to manipulate oneself and to validate your escapism from the other person.

Then you have for some, the diary being used as a life biography in a way where everything one has accomplished, we document and store to be shown off later on in our life, to those interested.

Commitments are also prominent in diaries as well, where, we write down what we say we are not going to stand for any longer, as we do realize that this is not a healthy way to live, for our own sake (that we tell ourselves), but soon enough without properly investigating the actual cause of placing ourselves in such a situation, we fall right back into the same situation we said we will not stand for any longer, with another person, as this statement is correct, we didn’t stand for, when the situation presented itself again, we fell right back into the same pattern of being inferior again, within this, all we’ve done is excommunicated one person out of our lives for the next, that’s why it is vitally important to get to the root cause, which is us and our participation within placing ourselves in the same situation again and to do that, Self-Honesty with Self-Forgiveness is required, so that when we get back to the commitment point of what we have written in our diaries, it’ll stick this time, because you’ve properly investigated things surrounding the entire situation thoroughly.

So back to the point of my ex-partner and their diary, close to the end of our relationship, I became more curious as to what was in it, I mean we wasn’t communicating so I wanted to see what I was missing, so with prying eyes, I had a look and was astonished to see how detailed it was and the first thing that came to mind was communication, where if I was more of a receptive communicator, a listener, not so closed off and readily available, things wouldn’t have gotten to the point that it did between us, and so my eyes was now open, but little too late, which shows the diary also being a sounding board of expressing things that one partner would like to say to the other, but the other is being a dick, irresponsive and all we say as Men is; “Why do she always want to talk” or “She’s on her period again”, I mean where is the support, where was my support, in which case a diary has taken our place, and by that time there’s nothing you can do about. Lesson well learned.

What it all comes down to is, a diary as a point of writing can be and is very useful, in being somewhat of a log for your Emotions/Feeling and Reactions, at times through your life, I mean now looking back in hindsight, I wish I would have kept a diary to remember some of the shit I’ve put myself through, mentally and physically, which makes it a good source to have when walking one’s process from Consciousness to Awareness.

Sort of like writing My Journey to Life Blog, only difference is, I see the emotions, the feeling, the reactions, the anger, the frustration, the blame, the justifications, the back chat that comes up and internal conversations and then correct myself for my participation within it all.

So if you write diaries and have them all stacked up and don’t know what to do when certain situations come up, HERE is a platform that will help you, when going through your diaries and learning about you a free Online Course called DIP Lite, where there you’ll learn how to stop the internal fight, within yourself, in your mind with feeling and emotions, that makes your writings become somewhat of a Devolution. The Revolution is you.

Thanks for reading.

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About carltontedford

In Process.
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