What gets me about this word is when it’s used in the context of; “You’ve got some explaining to do” and “You owe me an explanation” and “Explain to me why you did/think, this that or the other” (As if it would really make a difference to the outcome of the situation). Then you have; “Wait, let me explain” and “I can explain” and to yourself; “How am I going to explain this to them/her/him,” which seems to me that our Plan is now compromised, because we didn’t get the response we hoped for, which now makes it an ex-plan that we have to explain to the next person who is now questioning us.
At this point it may seem rather useless being that the one asking us to explain ourselves, already have made up in their minds the non-acceptance of what we did and/or will say, in some cases such as parents, and explaining will probably just piss them off even further, huh, as well as not explaining, so you’re caught in sort of a double conundrum, where damned if I do and damned if I don’t kind of thing. Now as kids, children, seeing how this made us feel shaky with fear, where we’re put on the spot, we then start using it on our friends, where if they divert in the slightest bit from any agreed upon plans, and not tell us, we’re entitled to an explanation, because that wasn’t according to plan, which brings in the point of reacting in the first place, so why react when what has happened already happen?
What’s interesting is when you come to a consensus, a plan, a way of doing something together with someone, (being in the mindset that most humans are) what’s not realized is that, there is a control mechanism set in play, unspoken about to each other and assumed to be valid, so when/if the consensus is altered/breached in any way, this set off an alarm (so to speak) in our minds, to spitefully check the other person who crossed the line, so when we do get in touch with them, see them, talk to them, the first things we say to them outside of “Hey” is: “You’ve got some explaining to do” and/or “You owe me an explanation” and/or “Explain to me why you did or didn’t do this that or the other”…, that’s when you’ll get; “But wait let me explain” in some cases and in other cases; “I don’t have to explain nothing to you, you ain’t my momma”, which brings it back to where it all started from and now a sore spot/soft spot has been opened up, because you’ve heard this so much growing up throughout your life from your parents and suppressed your reactions, that when it’s said by a friend, a partner in a relationship or a boss, we pop our top, becoming extremely angry and project it onto/towards the next person who said it, but that’s not who we’re angry at, we’re really anger at the point of having suppressed our reaction for so long and now that we’ve heard it again from someone we didn’t expect that would say if, it brought back old memories, thus conflict instead of conversation ensue within the relationship.
Taking things upon ourselves, when in any form of agreement, relationship is not always the best thing to do, when one has come to a consensus on doing things a certain way with someone, this I’ve learned the hard way is not initiative, but self-interest, no matter how you spin it, if you don’t explain before you enact a change of plans, (for most) your ending explanation will probably be your last and thus you’ve compromised the relationship.
I mean there is a million reasons +, different reasons, explanations that the mind gives as to everything we do, see, touch, say, smell, taste, act upon, suggest and think, that’s not us directing ourselves, so when we alter what we have set in stone with someone else, best believe it’s not us directing this altercation, it’s our mind as a thriving voice/thought in the pursuit of conflict, in which we think is us having an epiphany. If all else differs, then check your starting point for having come to such a consensus with the other person.
On this level an explanation is just admittance to a fuckup, that could have been avoided by explaining your idea of implementing an alteration to what you and the other person have set in stone from the get go, that way you will continue to be on the same page with whomever you’re in a relationship with.
Thanks for reading.