Day 399: Stick Around

Stick-AroundOk so, have you ever been somewhere, having what seems to be a good time/fun and didn’t want to leave, let’s say maybe hanging out with your extended family on a holiday or with a friend/some friends having a gathering or doing something that you enjoy doing very much, to the point of whenever you start doing this thing, you don’t want to put it down for nothing, I mean not even to use the bathroom; where with others you’re invited to Stick Around, knowing that you possibly have to go, but you keep telling yourself along with the peer pressure (per se) from whomever you’re with; “Ok just (5) more minutes” and when five (5) more minutes pass you’re still there, I mean everything and everyone is aligned to your presence, the conversations are cool, people are listen to you and asking you questions on subjects that you know about and have possibly investigated, so when you give the answer, you get the response of; “Oh wow, I never realized that”, “That makes complete common sense”, I mean you’re genuinely having a good time and who would want to give that up? So when you’re told; “No don’t go, stick around” it’s pretty hard to refuse; But, (yes but) the only thing is, is that you have responsibilities that can’t wait, so what should one do, because some of us become torn between handling our responsibilities and/or sticking around, having a good/genuine fun time.

So the point of sticking around came up the other day, where first off throughout my life, I have so many times traded in my responsibilities for having a good time, I mean it was to the point where, I’d compromise my survival, meaning not making it to work on time, feeling lethargic and unresponsive at work, blowing off appointments, missing project deadlines, to compromising a few of my relationship, all because I wanted to Stick Around and have more fun, as if this was the last time I would ever have fun, it even got to the point of losing a job over, that’s when you’re blinded by always being told to “Stick Around” and “I’m enjoying your company”, then it goes to you head and in the end, “If only I had left when I had the chance and went to handle my responsibilities and then came back, I wouldn’t be in the position that I’m in at the moment”, is what we tell ourselves when it’s all said and done.

What made me see/realize this point (That hadn’t come up for quite some time now), was spending time over a family members home for the holiday and having a good time the entire day and into the evening after the meal, where we all sat down to do Karaoke/fun, but I knew I had to go a take care of a few things work related before the next day’s work, which if I didn’t do that night, would have probably set me back today, so before I was about to leave, I felt this movement inside me and saw this pattern resurface, where now since I’m way more responsible and aware, I was able to see this pattern and place in front of me all the times I let sticking around/having fun come before handling/taking care of my responsibilities and the consequences that came with doing so and told myself; “Cool, ok here we go again” and to top it off, everyone wanted me to Stick Around, by saying why don’t you go first, (which was really inviting); But, (yes but again), I had to go, so I said my goodbyes and left. And when I got to my truck I felt a sense of relief, being that for the first time in a long time from being faced with this situation in my past, did I chose taken care of my responsibilities, instead of Sticking Around and having fun.

I forgive myself tht I have accepted and allowed myself to have in my past enjoyed sticking around, hanging out with family, friends and or doing something I really liked much, instead of handling my responsibilities, where in doing so, I’d compromise my survival, meaning not making it to work on time, feeling lethargic and unresponsive at work, blowing off appointments, missing project deadlines, to compromising a few of my relationships to the point of losing a job and a partner along with a few friends over.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have defined fun as a never ending experience that takes precedence over all else, then handling my responsibilities.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself have abdicated my responsibilities for sticking around in places of perceived fun.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have not resisted the peer pressure of others saying “Stick Around” and “I’m enjoying your company” and purposefully lose track of time to negating my responsibilities.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Stick Around out of the self-interest of being accepted, being listened to, being heard, asked questioned on subject matters I know a bit about and of course because of women.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have not taken handling my responsibilities seriously, in my past to where at one point I found myself without a job and a roof over my head, by choice, because all I wanted to do was to Stick Around where the fun was.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have compared myself to others while having fun, where I would say to myself if they can have fun all the time, why can’t I, not realizing that they most likely handled their responsibilities, which gave them the ability to have fun all the time, which I took as, so can I, in paving the road of consequences for myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have created consequences for myself to walk through, up until this late point of realization, where this time I wasn’t late and now see/realize/understand the necessity of leaving places when it’s time to handle my responsibilities, as that’s not the last time I will have fun, but the fun will stop if my responsibilities are not handled. And so;

When and as I see myself faced with the situation, when out having fun, whether with family, friends or on my own doing something that I love doing, and it is time for me to leave, because my responsibilities are calling, where I feel this movement coming up within and as me, of wanting to Stick Around and/or told, asked to Stick Around, I stop and breathe and take this as a sign to get the hell out of there, because I see/realize/understand, that my responsibilities are of utmost important which allows me to go places and to have fun, but without doing so, I re-enter the scratching and survival mode, where I possibly would lose everything I have and that’s not happening again, so;

I commit myself to jump to the call of duty (per se) in taking care of my responsibilities and not letting anything get in the way of that, such as sticking around places of perceived fun and not leaving when I know I should as to eradicate myself from the pattern of Sticking Around.

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About carltontedford

In Process.
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