Day 394: What’s Happening

Whats-HappeningThings only happen because you’re making them happen, there is no outside entity that makes things happen to you, that you’re going through in the moment. It’s not the universe giving you a sign or a test for a lesson to be learned, it’s you and your mind, and you have to deal with it, point and fact is that we never dealt with our mind to such a degree, because we’ve never realized our mind and/or realized that we’ve always been experiencing this our entire lives and only now, have we become aware that we’re doing so. The subtlest things you have to deal with right away, or else things will continue to spiral out of control, where you start off saying stop to yourself, to your thoughts, to you dosing off shortly after you’ve woke up in the morning, because you know you’re not tired, then eventually into giving up and saying fuck it, because you’ve let it escalate to the point of no return, from being overwhelmed.

This is the mind doing whatever it can/it takes to interrupt your routine of things, which usually happens in the morning times, where you’ll experience an influx of thought, then go into the lethargic feeling and start wondering what’s happening, did I do something wrong, why all of a sudden these thoughts and this lethargic feeling seemingly coming up out of nowhere?

The mind craves energy stemming from your reaction to what it presents, in the form of thoughts, pictures, memories, imaginations and fantasies and once we react, mostly in frustration and anger, if we’re aware of what’s going on, then it (The Mind) will present more thoughts, more pictures, more memories and more of our imaginations and fantasies to us, until we stop reacting to what the mind is presenting, which is not necessarily an easy thing to do at times, and whoever you are, you will experience this a lot especially when you become aware of your mind and thoughts, and once you learn how to stop your mind for a moment, this will happen in shorter intense doses, such as I experienced today/this morning, where;

I am always aware of my mind and what it’s up to, but like today, it kept bringing up these thoughts that wouldn’t stop, when I said stop, which I then became a bit frustrated and noticed that my mind begin to compound itself with even more, then more thought the more I became frustrated and then once I sat down to begin my writing, this extremely heavy lethargic feeling kept coming up, I mean like strong, where I would does off and wake up like Stop, W.T.F. and did this quite a few time, before I realized the topic ‘What’s Happening”, so now I’m having a look back at yesterday to how my day was and saw that at time I didn’t follow through with some of the commitments I’d made, which in fact opened up the door for my mind to pick and choose a time to interrupt my regularly scheduled re-program to show me what I missed. So now I see what happened and most importantly why this happened, that’s why it is very important to not wait, but investigate when you find yourself asking the question; “What’s Happening”.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to ask myself what’s happening this morning when I experienced an influx of thoughts, pictures, memories, my imagination and fantasies, cocktailed with a heavy lethargic feeling to follow, why’ll during and after doing my morning routine and into sitting down to do my writing.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see/realize/understand myself inducing these things onto myself, as in showing me that I’ve missed something in my recent past, that I need to investigate and correct.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to investigate and then find out that yesterday, I did not exactly follow the commitments and corrective application that I wrote that morning about minding my own business, but instead did the opposite when tested.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not follow the commitments and corrective application I wrote about minding my own business yesterday morning, but instead when tested, I failed and not completely correct myself and thus experienced and influx of thoughts, pictures, memories, my imagination and fantasies, with a heavy lethargic feeling to come up within and as me, this morning why’ll doing my morning routine and into sitting down to do my writing.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have throughout my life when something like this would happen, immediately rush into blaming something/someone other than myself for what I was experiencing.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to stand and take full responsibility for my lack of follow through with corrective action, on the commitment statements I write, not realizing that I’m compounding the same to happen to me, even more for the self-forgiveness that I’ve written yesterday morning on minding my own business.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to realize that by merely asking what’s happening, I manifest the heavy lethargic feeling I experienced to come up, because that question leave room for the mind to answer it for me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience a heavy lethargic feeling this morning once I sat down and started to do my writing, from wondering what’s happening.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become frustrated and angered at the first notice of wondering what’s happening, when I experienced this influx of thoughts and so on, from my mind, which made it even worst and accelerate even more, until I realized that frustration and anger is of no use, but causes more abuse to my physical body.

When and as I see myself wanting to say what’s happening, when I am experiencing and influx of thoughts, pictures, memories, my imaginations and fantasies, then into a heavy lethargic feeling, throughout my morning routine, then when I sit down and start my writing, I stop and breathe. I see/realize/understand that it’s not what’s happening, it’s what didn’t I do at which point, I need to go back and investigate where I messed up/fucked up/made a mistake and/or failed to follow through with my commitments, that would have left this window of opportunity open for my mind to interrupt my regularly scheduled re-program (so to speak), and there I will find out what’s happening/what has happen, by my own doings and so;

I commit myself to first off sticking with, remembering and following through with my commitments that I’ve made on points that I’ve written about, to not have to face this morning’s occurrence anytime soon or again and;

I commit myself to; being that I do know what’s happening; not ask the question of what’s happening, but instead to immediately investigate to get to the root cause, which I found of yesterday my lack of follow through with my commitments.

I commit myself no longer using/becoming frustrated and angered at the subtle but noticeable changes I experience during my morning routine, but instead to correct myself, by starting off with taking a breath to bring myself back here to see with clarity what I have missed.

I commit myself to see/realizing/understanding and correcting what has happened, whenever I experience things not being right within myself.

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About carltontedford

In Process.
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