Day 382: When Enough is Not Enough

When-enough-is-not-enoughIn relations to doing more, working on self while surviving in this world, I find that it is easy to get caught up in what you’re doing to survive and slowly fine yourself, not doing as much as you were within your process to date. Although you realize, see and stop yourself from going into reactions and what comes up in the moment as your thoughts and back chats about things, at times I feel like there’s something missing, what have I missed, what am I not doing, this uneasy feeling shows that at times enough is not enough and there’s a bit more that I could be doing in working on myself.

In this circus of what we have defined as living life, being able to juggle is a necessity that one must have, survival demands it or else struggle ensue, compounded with a slew of thoughts/emotions/feelings as the bombardment of the mind, I see how it’s easy for one to break down, have break down, experience the overwhelming sensation of wanting to give up, then eventually give up. This is only but one aspect, as if enough is not enough, then you have those of us walking process, which is a feat in itself, which helps extremely with understanding ourselves the mind and the reasons behind surviving, as we are in this world, but shouldn’t be of this world, meaning our wellbeing is a necessity, but to continue to participate as if there’s no awareness/consequences to what you’re doing is now unacceptable, because the level of ignorance you once had is now gone and so one must do more.

There’s a fine line for me sometimes between my process and survival, from the perspective of, walking my process as a must, while surviving as a necessity, it is true that your environment dictates the means in which we survive, I mean if you have had a certain means of surviving for so long, it’s not that easy to just jump into something else, something new, but to realize that it’s only a means not a way of life anymore.

Another thing that I realize is that we can get caught up in doing our certain routines, which for most part involve our process and survival and start believing that is enough, when the little things dictates the more that we/I can be doing. The question then comes up, what is that more that I can be doing, when it seems as if I’m doing what I can, within this each person is different, which cause for introspection of each individual of themselves to realistically see where the more can be implemented into each one of our lives, that doesn’t mean that we have to stop what we’re doing, but only add to the lot that we are doing and it might be as simple as reading a bit more or going back over to understand with even more clarity an old assignment or interview or vlog that we’ve watched, this is cool because as I am writing the more is coming to me.

It’s interesting because I’ve always thought of the more as being a complete overhaul to the way I was doing thing, but I now see/realize that’s not necessarily the case, it’s the extra additive that we do in our processes that makes us great human being, great in the sense of taking self-responsibility for oneself and one’s environment, world and reality, by getting to know oneself more through re-inspecting where one has had expectation of doing enough and became comfortable with the bit that was being done, thus the uneasy feeling of “what am I missing” or “I feel like I’m missing something” comes up. So for this;

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have thought enough was enough in relations to what I am doing in my process, then experienced this unsettled feeling as if I was missing something, where I then asked myself the question what am I missing.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have found myself getting caught up in what I was doing to survive and slowly fine myself, not doing as much as I were before to within my process to date.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have thought that I was doing enough.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have define my living as a fine line between walking my process and survival, not realizing that the two (2) goes hand and hand, where my process is there to assist me while having to survive.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have not realized that my means to survive is not my way of life anymore, but just a means, as this is what I have done for so long and although I have to survive in this would, the thing is to be in this world and not of this world as we have made it to be.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have gotten caught up doing my specific routine, which for most part involved my process and survival and started to believe that was enough, not realizing that the little things dictate the more that I can be doing, by adding to the lot that I am doing that might be as simple as reading a bit more or going back over to understand with even more clarity an old assignment or interview or vlog that I’ve watched and/or read as the more that I was missing.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that just because I’ve read or watched something in relation to my process that that’s it, but in fact there is more to learn when going back over older material as now every time I do, I have a realization as to what has being said that I didn’t pick up on before and/or that I read and didn’t comprehend completely, that helps me now.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed to have always thought of the more as being a complete overhaul to the way I was doing things, not seeing/realizing that that’s not necessarily the case, it’s the extra that we do in our processes that makes us great in the sense of taking responsibility for myself, my environment, my world and reality, by getting to know myself more through re-inspecting where I have had expectations of doing enough, but it wasn’t enough. So;

When and as I see myself having this unsettled feeling as if I’m missing out on something or have missed something, to come up within and as me, as the insinuation of there is more that I can be doing, where I have in my past thought that by doing the more was a complete overhaul of what I would have to change in my routine and get caught up with what I’m doing as being enough, I stop and breathe. I see/realize/understand that enough is not enough when one has stagnated oneself in one’s process in believing that I am doing all that I can, where in considering the more as the little extra additives like reading a bit more or going back over old interviews, vlogs or assignment, is what I need to do as what I’m missing. So

I commit myself to doing the more.

I commit myself to being here more, in order to do more, out of my mind.

I commit myself to no longer accepting and allowed myself to think that I am doing enough when more can be done, just have to take the steps and do it.

I commit myself to seeing the more as me or enough as enough of the bullshit to get down and learn me through investigating the more of me that I’ve missed.

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About carltontedford

In Process.
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