Ok so there’s this point that I see that I still have to transcend, walk through completely, that came back up/resurfaced the other day of jumping the gun so to speak, where I would haphazardly read through things and take only portions of what I read and piece them together in my mind as what was being said and in this last incident when a question was asked, I only read part of the question and assumed the question to be totally opposite of what it was saying, I then rushed to answer the question, then went back and re-read the question in its entirety and realized the answer I responded with was not even remotely close to what the question asked and of course, I wanted to bang my head on the table, because I knew better (but I didn’t), from the perspective of having been through this point before and now I see/realize/understand that there is still underlying points that I hadn’t realized about this specific point until now, that I still need to investigate, so I will do more investigation in opening up this point further in walking some Self-Forgiveness.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not read through things completely before I speak or respond to them, in this case of a question being asked, I haphazardly read through only portions of the question and pieced them together in my mind as what was being said and rushed to respond and only then after, when I went back over and re-read the question in its entirety, did I realize how I miss-took what the question was asking and the answer I responded with was the total opposite to what the question was saying.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to rush to answer things without completely reading what is being said slowly, in its entirety.
I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to slow myself down when reading through things, but automatically assume (as I skim through them), the meaning of what I just skimmed through to be something totally opposite of what I didn’t read through completely.
I forgive myself that II have accepted and allowed myself to haphazardly skim through things that I read and afterwards end up not comprehending what was said.
I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see/realize/understand the underlying point of this being, going into rushing to be the first to answer things, in this case as a form of seeking of attention in a way of wanting to be accepted, which shows that I’m not seeing/realizing/understand that I’m already accepted, but haven’t accepted myself being accepted completely as of yet and thus, I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see/realize/understand that I am accepted by the group because I’m Here and that this assumptive behavior is not acceptable, because it’s a form of mind possession, where I possess myself into believing myself to be on the outside, while inside the group.
I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to also see/realize/understand that this stems, first off from comparison and inferiority in a way where, instead of focusing on my own process (Me), I compare my process to others and then see myself as inferior in process to them, while letting it slip my mind that they’ve been walking process for quite some time longer than I have and what I need to do is be patience, stop separating myself from my mind/others and walk my process as it’s designed for myself, because I can only work on me.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself compare my process to others as a momentary lapse, not remembering that others have been walking their process for quite some time longer than I have, which in doing so, I end up making careless miss-takes, because I am then seeking attention, when I should be paying attention.
I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to focus and pay attention at all times to what I’m reading and/or what’s being said, but instead let my mind attend to my business, in telling me how to walk my process, which stimulates a lack of progression within and as the walking of my process creating stagnation, which prolongs my Journey to life. I mean haven’t I prolonged it enough, plus I know better, so;
When and as I see myself not reading through things completely before I speak or respond to them, in this case of a question being asked, where I rushed to answer with what I though the question was asking/saying and ended up responding with an answer that was not even remotely close to what the question was saying, I stop and breathe. I see/realize/understand that there’s a deeper underlying point that I needed to open up, as to the reason why I rushed to answer, which was me comparing my process to others process and judging my process to be inferior to theirs, so my rush to answer was me seeking attention, because I let myself be mind-possessed into believing that I’m not being completely accepted, by the group, which I’d say in now looking back on it, was one big mind-fuck and shows that it was me all along, not accepting the fact that I am already accepted, because I’m Here, I also see/realize/understand that I need to focus and pay attention at all times on what I’m reading to not let myself be miss-taken and not let my mind attend to my business in telling me how to walk my process, which stimulates a lack of progression within and as the walking of my process creating stagnation, which then prolongs my Journey to Life, which for me is unacceptable, because I know better, but to instead direct me, so; I commit myself to directing me.
I commit myself to no longer accepting and allowing myself to lose focus and attention on what I’m reading and/or read as that’s where miss-takes Lie, but to instead read though what it is, slowly and completely before responding, because in not doing so, I will make a fool out of myself and fool because I know better and one can only be a fool if one knows what and what not to do, but still do what’s one knows not to.