Ok so I was driving on the freeway the other day and passed this store with the sign as shown above = Sit ‘n Sleep, at which time I chuckled as this memory came up of me at the beginning of my process, all the way up until recently of the point I walked of, every time I would sit down and do something (work related of sorts and/or process related stuff) I would fall asleep, whether it was at my computer, whenever I would sit down and work even for a moment, I would fall asleep, if I was riding in the car with someone, I would fall asleep, if I was listening to someone speak for a period of time, while sitting I would fall asleep and it’s fascinating because right after that moment, I would be wide awake again, but interesting as I have mentioned before in a previous post, if I was to watch a movie by myself on my computer, I wouldn’t fall asleep, which is odd because, if I went to the movies in the theater I Would fall asleep, so I always wondered why every time, in the midst of doing somethings, I would Sit ‘n Sleep.
I mean this always baffled me because I knew that I wasn’t tired and in most of the cases, I had just gotten up hours before I would be in the midst of doing something, then Sit ‘n Sleep. People would say; “You need to get some rest” and I would say “I just woke up”, or in the past I would make some excuse as in saying (and I’m sure we all have), I wasn’t sleeping, I was just thinking or resting my eyes, exactly, I don’t know about the resting my eye part, but the thinking part we had correct, not knowing that our dosing off and/or Sit ‘n Sleeping was because of our thinking, and mind you, there are time that we’re just plain ole tired and in those cases we’ll dose off and wake ourselves up with a snore cough, then look around to see if anyone was looking at us. A funny one is (and I’ve been on both ends of it) when you don’t realize that you’ve dosed off and moving your hand or a part of your body to make it seem as if you are still awake, like shaking your leg or something, because you’re trying to fight it with every morsel in your body, that you’ve got and no matter how much you try, the mind just shut down (or you see someone do this), and I would say that 99% of the times it’s right in the midst of you doing, reading/watching something and about to have a realization, an “Ah Ha” moment, but then you miraculously dose off why’ll you Sit’ N Sleep and wake up frustrated and mad wondering why this is always happening to you/me.
So after some investigation and plenty of Sit ‘n Sleep moments, I first abdicated my responsibility by listening to what others would say to me, in saying that I had Sleep Apnea and used this as an excuse for a while to not have to face the underlying point/issue me, which ended up being the simplest explanation of Self-Realizations, meaning that I have become more aware of myself, of me, what’s going on inside me, and around me, to where in the past, I had no awareness what so ever, so yes I would stay awake in essence because I was being directed to live as this distraction as my mind, believing that the thoughts/feelings/emotions that I experience was who I am, but now seeing/realizing/understanding and knowing that they’re not, disrupts this distraction as my mind and so in return my mind wants to and do shut down to stop me from seeing and having realizations, “Ah Ha” moment; So I’ve always thought the same amount, it’s that I am more aware of my thinking and have the tools to stop myself from thinking and the mind knows that and don’t like it, so every chance it gets, (if I’m not aware for one small moment) I’ll Sit ‘n Sleep.
My solution was to, in realizing this to be the main reason why I would Sit ‘n Sleep, to first of all go back and open up and investigate the times in my past to see what the situations were around me sitting and sleeping, then from there, I saw this pattern that had formed and then fast forward to date, walking my process and could see how I am/have becoming more aware of myself and the difference from then and now, applied Self-forgiveness, Breathe through moments when I’m sitting, and if I so happen to dose of, not to become frustrated and angry, but instead to see this as progress, correct my breathing and proceed on with my process, to where now, when I Sit and in the midst of doing something, I don’t readily fall asleep, which shows that I’m getting somewhere in my process.
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