Day 356: Things that We Do Pt. 2

Continuing from day 196: Things We Do Say/Unaware

Things-we-do-pt-2We frown until people look at us and then we smile.

When we wake up in the morning the first thing we do is look at our phone to see if anybody called us, then wonder why no one called us.

We always have that one friend who we can talk to for hours on end, about a bunch of nothing.

When we are in the midst of doing something we don’t suppose to be doing, even if we’re all alone by ourselves, we look over our shoulder to see if anyone is looking lol, then get jumpy if we hear a sound.

When we lite up a cigarette, even if we are inside with no wind, why do we put our hand in front of the flame, so it won’t go out.

Speaking of such if we use someone else’s lighter, why do we forget to give it back to them and automatically put it in our pocket, until they say; “Hey where’s my lighter” then we say; “Oh my bad, it’s just a habit” we all do it or have done it.

If we are in the middle of doing something interesting, we wait until the last minute to go to the bathroom and if someone is using it, we become frustrated and try to rush them out, because we really have to go and had to go a long time ago, but didn’t listen to our body saying get up and go, but to our minds saying you can wait. Fear exist within that. The fear of thinking that we might lose track of what we’re doing and/or not have the same drive when we come back, among other things.

If we see that everybody else have a specific toy, we want one to, because we don’t want to be the only one’s seen without one.

When we have someone’s undivided attention, why do we add extra to the conversation, thinking that the facts we are stating is not juicy enough, so we put our 2, 3, 5, 10 cents into it, to insinuate the point, not realizing we just fucked the whole shit up with our extra additives.

We say No when we really mean Yes. We say Yes when we really mean No, then get mad at ourselves for saying Yes and No.

We have no patience unless there is money at the end of what we’re waiting for.

We get angry at our partner if they look at a person of the opposite sex too long, then do it ourselves as if nothing wrong with it.

We tend to wait for others to tell us what we already know, and then do it.

When the room is silent, we look for things to talk about, then say the dumbest shit.

We only will do things when we see others do them, other than that we will not take the initiative to do anything, because we don’t want to be look at as the first one doing things, just in case it’s not the cool thing to do.

We feel left out when a conversation is going on all around us and no one is talking to us, then we think, maybe they’re talking about me or don’t like me, how insane.

We only praise others when it suits our own self-interest. “If it wasn’t for them, I would have been this or that way, thank you”. In other words, give me this or that or fascinatingly enough; “They helped me too” (wanting to be seen as a part of something that you’re already a part of), “Stop it” no real genuine Gratefulness/Thankfulness or Praise exist within and as some of us.

These are only a small number of things that we do that we have become unaware that we are doing them and if not pointed out to us, we will continuously unconsciously do them with no awareness of the patterns we have automated within and as us, so for this;

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have not realized I was frowning, until someone looked at me then I smiled.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have woken up in the mornings and the first thing I did, was look at my phone to see if anybody called me, then wondered why no one called me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have why’ll in the midst of doing something that I wasn’t supposed to be doing, even if I was alone by myself, look over my shoulder to see if anyone was looking, then get jumpy if I heard a sound.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have as a collective when lighting up a cigarette, even if inside with no wind, put my hand in front of the flame, so it won’t go out, as an unconscious habit that we have perpetuated at times.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have used someone else’s lighter and forgot to give it back to them and automatically put it in my pocket, until they say; “Hey where’s my lighter” then I say; “Oh my bad, it’s just a habit”.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to, why’ll in the middle of doing something (For me music) wait until the last minute to go to the bathroom and if someone was using it, become frustrated and try to rush them out, because I really had to go and had to go for a long time, but didn’t listen to my body saying get up and go, but instead listen to my mind saying, you can wait, within that I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to listen to my body telling me to get up and go to the bathroom, but instead listened to my mind say you can wait and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not get up and go to the bathroom when my body told me so, because I feared losing track of what I was doing and/or believed that I may not have the same drive when I came back to continue doing what I was doing, among other things.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have as a collective seen everybody else with a specific toy and wanted one to, because I didn’t want to be the only one seen without one.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have had someone’s undivided attention and have added extra to the conversation, thinking that the facts I was stating wasn’t juicy enough, so I put my 2, 3, 5, 10 cents into it, thinking that it would insinuate the point, not realizing that I just fucked the whole shit up with my extra additives.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have said No, when I really meant to say Yes and have said Yes when I really meant to say No, then get mad at myself for saying Yes and No in one case or the other.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have as a collective had no patience, unless there was money at the end of what I was waiting for.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself have gotten angry at an x partner for looking at someone of the opposite sex too long, then turn right back around and did it myself, as if nothing was wrong with it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have had a tendency to wait for others to tell me what I already know, and then do it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have when the room was silent, look for something to talk about, then say the dumbest shit, lol.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have at times throughout my life, only do things when I see others do them, other than that, I wouldn’t take the initiative to do anything.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have felt left out throughout my life at time when there were conversations going on all around me, then think maybe they’re talking about me or don’t like me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have in my past only praised others when it suited my self-interest and not as a genuine gratefulness/thankfulness or praise.

When and as I see myself following these automated patterns/habits/behavior that have become unconscious thing that I do with no awareness that I am doing so, I stop and breathe. I see realize understand that these are just but a few things that I have automated within and as me that I was unconscious in doing so, that are for most part mind directed and not self-direct and thus shows that I am not directing myself and so I commit myself to becoming more aware of every little thing I do as a pattern/habit/behavior and ways or things that I have come accustom to doing and to stop my mind from directing me and start directing myself, to the best possible me I can be.

I commit myself to doing things that are best for all and not only for me, without my direction, but to become the directive principle of me, my world and reality.

I commit myself to being aware of everything I do and correcting and change the things I do to doing what is best for all life, which includes me.

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About carltontedford

In Process.
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