Day 352: My Problems

My-problemMy problems are my problem and your problem is your problem, but I make them my problem, because it seems as if I have too many problems to deal with at the moment, so I need your problems to over shadow my problems and someone to blame for my problems and that way I don’t have to face my problems for the moment, but push them aside in the back of my mind, with the excuse of looking at your problems to find a solution for mind, which in all actuality is a big problem in itself, because if you look at the word Problem, in the sounding of the word, what you see is PRO-BLAME, where I have become a pro at blaming my problems on you.

I never wanted to face my problem, especially when they became too big, I mean the bigger they got the more I resisted, then watch them get bigger and still not deal with it, I mean how much do we have to go through before we realize what we’re actually doing, to ourselves our physical body and other people around us, in our world and reality as if our problems are not enough.

In the midst of my problems, nothing else seem to matter, except everything that’s going on in my mind with the back chat and the internal chatter. I mean all I can think about is the situation at hand and how things have played out thus far and what will happen, then I end up losing track on the things I have to do like my responsibilities and appointments and what I’ve committed myself to.

This has been the way I have always been throughout my life, where I would easily lose focus and drift off in my mind, when doing what I had to do while still thinking about my problems, and not once in the midst of my problems did I come up with ways to solve them, but as I mentioned before think about what other people are going through, instead of dwelling in the solution I would be thinking about you. Even as I’m walking through the problem and enacting the solution, I’m still choosing to think about what’s going on, which causes more confusion.

This is obviously something I’m used to and have embedded within me as a pattern/habit/behavior, the way that I’ve been looking around to everything and everyone else as a savior, instead of seeing/realizing/understanding if I’m at fault, then I am also the solution and need to implement it at all cost, without thinking too much into what I already know, because in doing so, I’m only adding onto the inevitable compounding consequence, so I should see it (my problem) rectify it, and move on with my life and no longer place myself in a position of being wrong or right, but do only what’s best for all life, and that way problems don’t arise, because I’ll be respecting everything and everyone and me as life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make other people’s problem my problems, from the perspective of thinking I have too many problems to deal with, so I need someone else’s problems to over shadow my problems and someone to blame for problems I have and that way I don’t have to face my problems for the moment, but push my problems aside in the back of my mind, with the excuse of looking at someone else’s problems to find a solution for mine, which in all actuality is a big problem in itself, because if you look at the word problem, in the sounding of the word, what you see is PRO-BLAME, where I have become a pro at blaming my problems on others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have never wanted to face my problems, especially when they became too big.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to, the bigger my problems became the more I resisted.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to in the midst of my problems, nothing else seem to matter, except everything that was going on in my mind with the backchat and internal chatter.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to, all I could think about is the situation at hand and how things played out thus far and what will happen, then I would end up losing track on the things I have to do, like my responsibilities and appointments and what I’ve committed myself to.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have back chat and internal chatter about my problems, that would make me end up losing track of my responsibilities and appointments and what I have committed myself to.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have been this way throughout my life, where I would easily lose focus and drift off into my mind, when doing what I had to do, while still thinking about my problems, and not once in the midst of my problems, did I come up with ways to solve them.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to even while walking through the problem and enacting the solution, still chose to think about what’s going on, which caused more confusion.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have embedded these pattern/habit/behavior within and as me of looking around to everything and everyone else as a savior.

When and as I see myself taking on other people’s problem, because I think my problems are too much to bear and don’t want to face and walk through my own problems, but instead use other people’s problems to over shadow my own and in the midst of my problems still have this back chat about how things have transpired and will transpire, without thinking and coming up with ways to solve them, which causes more confusion, I stop and breathe. I see/realize/understand that my problem is my problem only and others problems won’t solve my problems, so it become useless to dwell on or use other people’s problems to over shadow my own. I also realize that I need to see my problem, rectify it and move on with my life and no longer put myself in a position of being wrong or right, but do only what’s best for all life, and that way problems don’t arise. I commit myself to respecting everything and everyone and me as life.

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About carltontedford

In Process.
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