Day 348: Back in a Familiar Setting

Back-in-a-familiar-settingIt’s been a long time since I’ve been back in a familiar setting, back in the town I used to live in, I mean a lot of things went down in this town, before I started my process where my transition phase from who I was to finding Desteni was tremendous, from the perspective of the things I’ve accepted and allowed myself to participate in and perpetuate onto/towards others. Without going into too much detail, in hindsight/looking back at myself was kind of head shaking, as in saying to myself ‘Oh no, I did that to and that and that, my god where was I and who was this character, so just driving around and passing different places I’ve been, brought up all these memories of my past, so what I decided to do was to every time I would pass a familiar setting, and a thought/memory would come up, I would apply self-forgiveness out loud and release myself from these memories.

I mean initially I had to check myself, because there were a lot of memories coming up, but I also realized that this was a cool opportunity to re-hash and release myself from these memories, I had somewhat forgot existed, I mean they have always been there, but I have been suppressing the lot of them, so it was pretty interesting to see what was opening up, as I was back in a familiar setting.

In being back there, the real test came when a friend of mine took me by an old friend that I hadn’t seen for a few years place, where being there was a test in itself, because what I had defined as normalcy back then, isn’t how I see things today, from the perspective of my now none participation in the things I used to participate in with them and so the test now was to remain stable as the changes I have implemented onto myself to date, and to also have a normal conversation in doing so, without going into any of the things I’ve now learned about life and my process, at the same time “if that make sense”, because usually and early on in my process this was the hardest thing for me to do, in distinguishing what and what not to say, which then I would become, nervous and anxious and then self-righteous and start looking at them in separation as if I was better than them, because I knew what they didn’t know, so sort of a proud type character that I perpetuated towards them, where anything they would say I would try and debunk it

Being this way only actual pushed some of my friend that much further away, not realizing what I was doing, where I didn’t consider them being at their stage in their process, which was in a way the say mentality I had, when I was a religious fanatic, so it took me a while to see this new of old pattern forming again towards other, now while walking my process.

What I had to do was to go back over and take a look at the “holier than thou” point/character, that I had walk within the religion point, because I was doing the same thing with the information, I’m learning within my process, towards others, where the superiority/inferiority polarity point came back into play, whenever I was back in a familiar setting and around old friends.

It took me some time to get over this point, where I had to slow myself down in the presence of old friends and just listen more than I would talk and over time, I started realizing them in their own process to the point of stop thinking I could save everyone, but just focus on my own process and now it showed when I was at an old friend’s place. Investigate yourself.


About carltontedford

In Process.
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