B. Over talk the other person and not listen to what they are saying.
C. Get someone else whose there to side with you, by bringing up the other persons past.
D. Throw a tantrum so that the other person will get scared of you, then listen to what you are saying.
E. Resort to hitting the other person until they agree with you.
F. Just sit there and don’t say anything, so that the other person will see that you are quiet.
Which one of these answers will you chose to do in a conflictual Situation? A. B. C. D. E. or F. Will come back to your answer and the correct answer.
In a conflictual situation (for most of us) the hardest thing to do is to remain stable and calm, being that a few factors are at play, that is very hard for us to resist reacting to. I mean no one likes conflict, for what it’s worth, but when we get to the point of anger, we will justify our actions, by blaming it on you for making us mad.
Let’s look at that for a moment. What really makes one mad? Is it the fact that we knew something was bound to happen and didn’t resolve the issue when it arose in the first place, because we were too afraid to face ourselves in that moment and bring it out into the open, but instead we let it fester/linger in our minds and in the minds of the other person, in which case the Issue Is- you, or is it that our secrets that we entrusted with the other person will be brought to light, so that everyone can see how full of shit we are, and so we then return the favor (of sorts), by bringing the other persons secrets out in the air as well ( and the crowd goes Ooooh).
Either way there is still no excuse nor justification for the way we conduct ourselves within a conflictual situation, if we are not directing the situation to the best possible outcome, because it’s our fault and only our fault, for our participation within and the outcome of the situation.
When entering any situation one must first check and see if there are any thought’s emotions or feeling, Internal Conversations or Backchat coming up within and as you towards the other person, and if so then you are not ready to enter nor resolve the situation, at that point entering would only perpetuate the escalation of the conflict even more than it already is, so my suggestion is to clear yourself first, before entering into a situation, and this is done through writing and/or sounding Self-Forgiveness out loud. (You can learn what it is, by going HERE and typing in Self-Forgiveness in the search bar).
After you have cleared yourself and during the conversation, to make sure you are realizing your breath in every moment of the conversation, as this will allow you to hear every word the other person is saying, and you will also notice if any word that they say, brings up any reaction within you, at which time you will be able to apply Self-Forgiveness in real time, meaning while you’re listening, this will stop you from going into a mind possession, where we then start to over talk, scream at, become angry at the other person, to no resolve.
Then when it’s your turn to speak, to stick to the facts of the situation, meaning, not how you feel, your assumption or bring up anything from the past about the person and/or any interaction you have had with them before, because that would be spiteful, and provoke a reaction from them, so stick to the points at hand.
Now comes the (somewhat) hard part, which is, the other person might not play by the same rules that you are, meaning they will blame you for the way they feel, they will bring up the past, they will assume and provoke you into a reaction, but this in itself should show you that direction is needed to resolve the situation, and if you react to anything they say, then all direction goes right out the window, that’s why it is important to follow these step, because in the end, you will not have to have the same conversation over again.
Although we have all done the following from A. to F., we must again realize that these answer are not conducive to any long term solution and/or resolution to any conflict, and the first thing we do is to afterward, not deal with the person anymore, which in some cases I guess is ok, but in essence a resolve is a better solution, because if any situation goes unresolved, when there was a chance to resolve it, then you’ll literally eat yourself alive from thinking about what you could have done differently.
Learn what make you react, HERE.