Day 341: Forgetfulness

ForgetfulnessI have throughout my life, at times forgotten very important things that I had to do, where I would end up, not making appointments, forgetting what time I had to be at places, forgetting things when I’ve left home already and had to go back and get what I left and most importantly forgetting what day of the week it was/is. But an interesting thing is, when I’ve made up my mind to do something self-interest based for my benefit only or have something planned as in a ‘fun” outing with friends, I seem to not forget that. Or let’s say for example I was watching a Series on television or my computer, it doesn’t matter what it’s about, but it obviously sparked my interest to the point of wanting to hurry up and finish what I was doing, such as work or things, to get back home to pick up where I left off. Those things, we don’t forget, because they are in the forefront of our minds, damn near on the outside of our forehead almost, where you can see it and the look we give shows that we would rather be somewhere else doing what we liked.

Now this forgetfulness that I speak of is genuine, meaning not just saying to someone “Oh I forgot” or “I over slept” as an excuse to cover up the fact that you didn’t want to be where you were supposed to be or do something that you were supposed to do in the first place, I mean because I’ve been there to, where I really didn’t want to go someplace or do something and purposely/on purpose forgot and busy myself with something else, then use as an excuse if needed; “Oh I lost track of time, while I was doing something else” and that something else we make seem extremely important, but it’s not/it wasn’t. No I’m taking about when the next day comes and you think it’s the following day, but then look at your phone and realize; “Holy shit” I just missed chat on Wednesday.

I mean the rest of the day went by and you did everything else you were supposed to do and some, but not once did you really look at the time and day for what you have scheduled as a must do on Wednesday’s, so where were you in those moments, when this uneasy feeling came up of something’s not being quite right within you, but you couldn’t just pin point it and went about the rest of your day as if it was Thursday and now today comes around and you think it’s Friday, until you really look at the day and time on your phone and realized that you missed something important the day before. It sucks, because self-honestly speaking you really wanted to be there and interact, but you weren’t and you missed it.

This shows how fascinating the mind is and can be, because in one moment if you are not aware and present, but in your mind thinking about something else that is important, that you let overwhelm you to the point of forgetting what you had scheduled to do, then you’ll surely miss out on what’s more important and in my case my chats, so for this;

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be forgetful.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to throughout my life at times forgotten very important things that I had to do, where I would end up, not making appointments, forgetting what time I had to be at places, forgetting things when I’ve left home already and had to go back and get what I left and most importantly, forgetting what day of the week it was/is.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame others, someone or something for me being so forgetful and not once take self-responsibility for my forgetfulness.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to take self-responsibility for my forgetfulness completely up until now.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think/perceive/believe that it was normal for people to forget things.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define forgetfulness as a normality and not investigate why I would forget thing and just say “Oh it slipped my mind”, when in fact I buried what I was to remember in my mind behind my self-interested thoughts.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to investigate why I would forget things but instead chalk it up as; “Oh it slipped my mind”.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed my mind to have power over whether, I would remember things or not and within that I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to let my mind control and direct me and I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be defined by the direction of my mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have made up my mind to do something self-interest based, for my benefit only or have something planned as a “fun” outing with my friend and not once did I forget that.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have while watching a Series on television or my computer, that sparked my interest to the point of wanting to hurry up and finish what I was doing, such as work or things to get back home to pick up where I left off, not forget those things, because I had placed them in the forefront of my mind, damn near on the outside of my forehead, almost where you could see it and then gave a look that was visible by others, that I would rather be somewhere else doing what I liked, instead of focusing on what I was supposed to be doing.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have been at the point to where I really didn’t want to go someplace or do something and purposely/on purpose forgot and busy myself with something else, where I then would give the excuse if needed; “Oh I lost track of time, while doing something else” I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have then made that something else seem extremely important, but it wasn’t.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to forget what day it was and the next day came which is today and I thought today was Friday, until I then looked at my phone and realized “Holy shit” I missed Wednesday chat.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to miss Wednesday’s chat and went throughout the rest of that day doing everything else I was supposed to do and some, but not once did I really look at the time and day for what I have scheduled as a must do on Wednesday’s.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to heed this uneasy feeling that came up within and as me, of something not being quite right, but I couldn’t pin point it and went about the rest of the day (Wednesday) thinking it was Thursday and today comes around (Thursday) and I think it’s Friday, until I really looked at the day and time on my phone and then realized that I missed something important the other day, where self-honestly I really wanted to be there.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go throughout Wednesday during the time I was supposed to be on chat, thinking that it was Thursday, because I let something else important come up in my mind to the point of forgetting what I had scheduled to do, which was more important to me.

When and as I see myself being forgetful, where as a track record throughout my life at times, I have forgotten very important things that I had to do, then blame others, someone or something for my forgetfulness, instead of investigating why I would forget things and carry that with me up until this incident where I forgot what day it was, on Wednesday and missed out on the chat, because I let the thought of something else overwhelm me to the point of not paying attention to what day it was and what I had Scheduled as a must on Wednesday’s, which I thought was Thursday and today (Thursday) I thought is Friday, I stop and breathe. I see/realize/understand the importance of being present, HERE in every moment of breath, as this show how I have accepted and allowed my mind to step in and give me direction, whenever I consume myself with any thought and this situation being the extreme of that, to the point of forgetting what day it is and/or mixing up my days. I also realize that this point was showing me how I hadn’t completely walked through this point of forgetfulness to transcendence and here I go, so to speak. So I commit myself to remaining present with breath in every moment of the day, as to not accept and allowed myself to be overwhelmed with other matters, when I have something of importance to do on any specific day.

I commit myself to letting go of this pattern of forgetfulness unconditionally and no longer accept and allowed myself to excuse, my forgetfulness, as me having a more pressing matter that came up, not that this is the case, because it’s not, but as a past action that I have perpetuated throughout my life, time and time again and instead to take self-responsibility for my forgetfulness, by focusing on what’s in front of me to remember what I have to do or where I have to go that is of most importance.

I commit myself to no longer let my mind step in and give me direction at times when other matters come up, but instead to take matters into my own hand and prioritize what I have to do that must come first and what can wait, so that it is no longer too late and I don’t miss out of what day it is and especially my Chat on Wednesday’s.

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About carltontedford

In Process.
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