Day 327: Unmasking Self

Unmasking-SelfOften times we present ourselves with a mask on as a facade to cover up what’s really going on inside of us, in our minds. But most of the times in doing so, we end up showing the true nature of ourselves, meaning we end up acting out what we think about others, in our secret mind, no matter how much we try and hide it, it’s bound to come out, like it seeps through our pores or something, just like grass through concrete, where let’s say the city built this street or road and cover it with concrete and asphalt, but after a short while, you’ll start seeing cracks in the asphalt and concrete and then sure enough the grass starts growing/seeping through the cracks and there is no way to stop it, because you can pull the grass out and cover it back up with more asphalt and concrete and soon enough it will come right back through again, goes to show if you mask it, what you mask will eventually show.

Take for instant you’re having company over and you haven’t cleaned your home in weeks, (due to whatever reason you give it, too busy with work, haven’t had the time, whatever) so you decide to do a quick clean up job, just so when they enter for first face bases, the place looks presentable, so you’re sitting there having a good time with your company and all of a sudden one of your roach buddies comes up on the chair, where your company is sitting and wants to meet them to, so they crawls up on your guest sleeve to get their attention and your guest notices them and have one hell of an awful freight and jumps up and runs out your home, I mean I know this is a little dramatic but, what do you do, because what you were trying to hide, somehow seeped through the cracks and exposed itself/you.

Another instance, let’s say that you have a friend and in front of this friend you’re all buddy, buddy with them, but inside for some reason you really don’t like them, but you stay friends with them out of self-interest, meaning for what you can get out of them and/or for what they have and can do for you; Ok so whenever you leave this friend you either call up and/or go see another friend whom you tell everything to and you can trust this friend with your “life” (per se); So you tell them how you really hate being friends with this person and you’re only friend with them because they do this or that for you, but if they didn’t, you’ll tell them to take a hike and/or to get lost, because I never liked you in the first place and so your trusted friend then ask you; “Who is this person that you’re always talking about” and you don’t think nothing of it and give out this person’s name, at which time they say “OH” and you continue with your ranting and raving about how much you dislike this person and at the end of your conversation, your trusted friend says; “Hey I’m glad we had this conversation, thank you” and you say “for what” and they say; “Well this horrible person that you’re taking about is my family member and/or next of kin and I will make sure to let them know that you have such high regards for them”. What do you do, because once again, what you have tried to hide has seeped through the crack and exposed You.

I used to think that my personality was who I am and that having an ego was a cool thing, so when people would tell me, you have an ego, I would say yep and I wear it on my sleeve, I mean I had no idea of what I was saying, the only thing I knew was that I had to hide/mask all my imperfections and the things I really thought about people, under the assumption that in doing so, I would be more acceptable and liked, because that’s what everyone else was doing right, I mean, but they could hold it in and wear there mask for what seemed like forever and the saying was; “I’ll take it to the grave, before I say anything”, but for me, it was a whole different story, where lol, shit would start seeping everywhere and when asked, where did you hear this or that from and who said that, the answer was always me, and not to excuse it but, what I thought about people was mostly the truth about them, that no one else wanted to say and I did.

And of course the consequences of my actions wasn’t favorable to me, I lost “friends” and so on and so forth and learned the hard way, that you can’t really say everything that you’re thinking about to others and began to mask things more and more and more, within myself, with no outlet, which then caused me to really invert into myself and so I stopped going out, so that I could figure this shit out. And over the next couple of years, until I found Desteni, that’s what I did, where people rarely saw me and after starting walking my process, I didn’t want to see them anymore and thus I started, Unmasking Self layer by layer, so for this;

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have created masks to wear, in trying to hide everything that was going on inside me and in my world and reality, that I didn’t want others to see.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think/perceive/believe that I could mask what I really thought about others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to try and mask my imperfections, why’ll pointing others imperfections out.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have judged myself for my imperfections.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have judged others for what I perceived as their imperfections, as if I was perfect.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see/realize/understand that in order to find out who I really am, I needed to Unmask Self, in unraveling all the layers and dimensions of characters I chose to hide behind, up until I started walking my process.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to instead of investigating why I would have these secret thoughts about people, mask them more and more and more to the detriment of myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from others by become more inverted into myself, when I couldn’t hide what I saw as the truth of some people, where I would then talk about it to other people who was too scared to say anything and I ended up losing “friends” for doing so.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see/realize/understand at that time, that there are things that I should keep to myself and not talk about, but instead I would just blabber off at the mouth about other people’s business.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have blabbered about other people’s business, why’ll masking my own.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to would become angry if others were to, or did unmask my cover ups, as I had done to them, plenty of times before.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have unmasked others cover ups, to take the attention off of my own.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have been so secretive in thinking/perceiving/believing that what I was thinking was a secret, which I now realize that nothing is a secret, but had to learn the hard way, by shit seeping out at the most unwanted times, which was showing me that I needed to correct myself and unmask the secrets, I held within me, which I didn’t realize until I started walking my process. And so;

When and as I see myself trying to hide, suppress and/or mask any particular point that I see that I am not working on and/or resist working on within myself to transcendence, by putting on a mask in front of others, as if my shit doesn’t stink, why’ll pointing out what they’re masking, where the more I try and mask my imperfections and point out theirs, the more mine seep through the cracks and expose me for what I have accepted and allowed myself to not handle within myself, I stop and breathe and expose myself to myself first and foremost. I see/realize/understand that all these so called secret of myself, that I think as secret thoughts and perpetuate in my world and reality, is really not a secret, but a problem that will eventually show itself, if not handled, taken care of and corrected correctly, where then the consequences will only fall back on me. I also realize that pointing out others imperfections doesn’t do me any good as well, because when you point out others imperfections to someone else you are then showing your nature to that person, which results in being seen and treated and an untrustworthy gossiper with no friends. So when you do have information about other people, to look within yourself to see where you are still lacking to take self-responsibility for yourself and to correct you/me.

I commit to unmasking self, so that I am able to really see/realize/understand, live and express who I really am, once this mask/ the veil is lifted, that I have placed on my face to not have to face the self that I have masked.

I commit myself to no longer accepting and allowing myself to mask the things I see, that I still need to work on within myself and or resist working on me, but instead to unmask them and introspect and correct them one by one, until there is nothing left, but me as who I am as life, with nothing to hide or mask, then I will truly be living the definitions of sharing and showing Face, where I can then share and show how I have faced me and Unmasked Self for all the world to see.

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About carltontedford

In Process.
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