Day 318: After This

After-ThisAfter this, I’m going to do that and after that, I’m going to do this. There’s really nothing wrong with plans, but when you constantly, continuously think about them in projecting into the future, is when you really have a problem. The problems that has come up for me is, first off, with plans, if I’m constantly/continuously thinking about them, then I lose touch with what’s HERE, meaning I’m not focusing on what I am doing at the moment and thus (if it’s work) would end up messing something up, where I would have to go back over and do it again or if it’s at home, I would forget little things, like where my keys are, because within that, also brings up a sense of rush/rushing to get to the point of“ “After This”.

Now on the other hand, within the same point, let’s say you are thinking about things that you must do, but sort of don’t like and/or don’t want to do them, by constantly/continuously thinking about, “:After This”, we then build up this resistance toward having to do the things we must do, but don’t really want to, and without the proper understanding of, what is this resistance and where did it come from, we end up given in to it and/or either doing our must do’s, half assed/postpone it or not do it at all. For me this is unacceptable, because throughout my life, I have resisted doing a numerous amount of things, that if I would have done at that time, would have made a huge difference in the way I was “Living Life” so to speak, (More like getting by). So within this what I finally realized is, first off I needed to stop thinking about “After This” and after that, because they were the “Trains” (per se) that would take me away from being HERE at any given moment. And secondly, whenever I would experience resistance to doing anything (after) “After This”, I would head straight for, that which I experienced resistance toward and start on it directly and what I notice is that this resistance would soon fade away, like now, my writing this post.

I also realized, once I started jumping right in to doing things that I resisted, still each time before I would do it, the resistance would still come up, but by me creating a new pattern of jumping right in to doing things and constantly continuous follow it, although the resistance is still there it has become subtler and I will continue to do this until it’s no more.

Fear also exist within the “After This” point, where if you are doing something, because you know that if you don’t, “After this” will be the consequences, then you’re really doing it in vain and not because you see the common sense in what you’re doing. I mean this in a way is what I have experiences throughout my life, growing up in a religious environment, that it took some time for me to get over, where I lived and did thing only out of the fear of punishment, not because I saw the common sense in it, now imagine if the punishment part was erased from the equation, then maybe I would have saw the common sense back then, even in religion.

Now what I realized is that first off (again), we have designed this, something hanging over our heads mentality, to keep us in line, keep us in check and that’s the only way that we would do things and/or believe in things, I mean all common sense goes out the window, because “I’m going to be hurt, so I’ll just follow along” and thus we end up leading ourselves astray.

That fear right there is what needed to be eradicate and once I got over the initial fear of being hurt/punished, I began to look at things with common sense and so the common sense within After
This, for the most part, really doesn’t exist, if I am always RIGHT HERE, RIGHT NOW. So; I commit myself to staying/being RIGHT HERE, RIGHT NOW, in every moment of breath and no longer, long for an After This moment, but to instead live in THIS moment HERE and NOW.

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About carltontedford

In Process.
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