Day 317: Comparison Pt 2

cOMPARISON2This blog is in addition to a previous post, Day: 127, where another dimension in Comparison has come up within and as me, so I will investigate it until I have completely correct it within myself.

Why is most, if not every thought we think, about someone else and never about what I did, unless it’s a judgment or a form of gloating about what we’ve done? What I find interesting is that, these thoughts all relate to comparison in some way, where we compare ourselves to someone else, another person and, believe it or not, most of the time we don’t realize that it’s comparison, we just think that “Oh this or that person is/was on my mind”, but at the end of the thought, you’ll notice and interesting thing, that is that we done placed ourselves as better than this or that person, in some way and/or lesser than them, which is obviously an superiority/inferiority complex, but also a form of comparison.

Whether it’s the way they look, what they have on (what they we’re wearing), how they acted and behaved or the process they’re walking, I mean and this is all done in the secret of our minds, when we’re alone, by ourselves, with our thought, keeping us company, throughout our day and funny thing is, it’s not like, when we see them we’ll tell them; “Hey just today I was thinking that I was better than you” or “Hey I thought about how I was lesser than you last night”, No way.

Most of the times, when we do tell someone that we were thinking about them, it has to do with our desire to be with them and/or to have sex with them, so we make up this elaborate concocted story about how we had a dream about them or envisioned ourselves with them in some romantic setting of sorts and then of course the sex. And if they feel the same about you, they’ll fall for it every time and thus the truth about what you were really thinking about them, in comparing yourself to them, never comes out. I mean we have to take responsibility at some point, for our thoughts.

I once or a few times listened to an interview and learned that AIDS is also spread through Comparison and Judgment, not only through having sex. But this is not to scare you, but only makes me aware of what I have been accepting and allowing myself to participate in within my mind, at moments when I’m alone with my thoughts.

Another thing that I realized is that each moment of the day is of vital importance and so, what if each moment that we think about someone else, in comparison or period, we’re missing out on something of vital importance? Now if that’s the case, then I’ve missed out on a lot of shit, that could have changed my life, for the better a long time ago, so where the hell have I been. What I realized is that the most important of the vital important things that I’ve missed, was and has always been right in front of my face (and yours to) the whole time, which is LIFE, yes who we are in essence. So in essence, when you really look at it, how can you really compare yourself to who/what you already are, as all as equal to the next person, that person you chose to compare yourself to. I mean it’s you, it’s always been you, looking at yourself in the mirror in your mind, through the eyes of another, comparing YOU to YOU and ME to ME. So for this;

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have defined comparison a seeing what this or that person is doing or has done and then in my mind place myself as either superior or inferior to them.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to at times in my mind, when comparing myself to others, see myself as superior or inferior to them and not as equal to them.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have had a superiority/inferiority complex, because of the judgment I have place upon myself.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see/realize/understand to why not see and follow someone’s lead as in seeing what they have done as productive, in them changing their life and using this as an example of comparing my process to see if I have followed their example to better/change myself as I see they have done.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have almost every thought I think, about someone else and never about what I did, unless it was in judgment or a form of gloating, then my thoughts would be about me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have thought that I was superior or inferior to others, in either case I was separating myself from them.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have separated myself from others, under the assumption that I was different.

I forgive myself that I have accept and allowed myself to have throughout my life, used my desire to tell someone that I was thinking about them, as a lie made up, out of lust in relation to only having sex with them. And if they felt the same, I would continue to perpetuate this lie, never really letting the truth be known about how I would compare myself to others, but only sharing my wants/needs/desires.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have taken so long to take responsibility for the thoughts I thought in comparing myself to others, (no excuse), because this is how a life in my mind was.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have spent a lifetime in my mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have at times, in moments when I’m alone with my thought compare myself to others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have at vital important moments in my life, (which is veiled every time I think), think about others and probably have in some way or another, compared myself to them, instead of taking that moment in time to investigate myself to understand who I am as life.

I commit myself to redefining Comparison from that which I have defined it as; “Seeing what this or that person is doing or has done and then, in my mind placing myself as either superior or inferior to them”, to that of; “Following someone’s lead as in seeing what they have done as productive, in them changing their life and using that as an example of comparing my process to see if, I have followed their example to better/change myself as I see they have done.

I mean, I never really saw myself as superior to anyone, why’ll currently walking my process, but in a way as inferior, as if I’m doing this by myself and don’t really know no body, but see that all I have to do is to open my mouth and ask for help, which is what I need to become comfortable with doing, and then the point of help with what come up, so I’ll start here.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to since I’ve been walking my process (in a way) see myself as inferior to others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have the thought come up within and as me of; I’m doing this by myself and don’t know no body, which is obviously and excuse and a point I need to get over on my side and open my mouth and ask the question of “How”. I mean it’s not rocket science but would appreciate the help, so I must ask.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not be comfortable with asking anyone shit, although, I like interacting with other and accepting the assistance and support from them.

So when and as I see myself in my mind having these thoughts coming up within and as me about other people, where I then in some way or another end up comparing myself to them, as in placing myself as superior to them, as I have done in my past or inferior to them as I have also done in my past and why’ll walking process, in my own mind at times and have excused it as, I don’t know nobody, instead of realizing it’s really not the point of comparing myself to others, but the point of wanting to get to the same place as someone else, without asking the question of “How” and being patience within my process, by slowing myself down and taking baby steps, because no one really has anything to do with the walking of my process, that’s on me and so, I stop and breathe and tell myself to stop being so God damn “piney” and too stubborn to speak, because everyone needs help and a cross reference in walking this process. I see/realize/understand that comparison sounds like Come HERE Son, listen and learn, as in me telling myself to stop thinking in my mind and reach out and ask the question of how.

I commit myself to no longer comparing myself in one way or another, in being superior or inferior to others, but instead, I see where the fault lies within myself, where lying to myself is no longer an option, but to reach out and share myself with other, instead of comparing myself to others and no longer let it be a rarity of my nature, but to see myself with clarity and correct my patterns/ways/behaviors.

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About carltontedford

In Process.
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