Day 298: Projecting Ahead

Projecting-AheadBefore I started walking my process, I’ve always wanted to see what’s around the corner (per se), from the perspective of looking ahead to what I would do next in my day, week, month that was enjoyable to me and something I deemed cool to look forward to doing, that would take somewhat of the edge off of the moment that I was or would experience. I mean you know how when you would have those moment of resistance coming up in doing something, but it had to be done (Although back then I didn’t know what resistance was) like for example going to church, where I would Project Ahead in my mind and already be back home playing with the newest toy I got. Even before church, I would think about having to go to church and then get bummed out and Project Ahead to already coming back home to play with my new toy and that would make me feel better and push through the resistance I would experience about having to go to church.

So this pattern of Projecting Ahead I continued to follow throughout my life, where when in high school, in some classes I would Project Ahead to being in the cool classes that I liked to be in, such as PhyEd (Gym) lol, that would get me through the classes I didn’t like, so there was always something for me to look forward to, or that I put in place for me to look forward to doing, to break the monotony of what I was currently doing.

I mean what a way to live, in always Projecting Ahead into the future which consist of, missing what’s Here in the present. Looking back on it, this is also how I missed out on a lot of things, by not being Here, as well as not allowing myself to comprehend certain things in learning, in school and thus I was an average student, even though what was being taught wasn’t something that I would be able to live and use in my future, so my motto was, why not Project Ahead into the future, to a potential happier time and place and so that’s what I did, always imagining doing something after what I resisted doing.

So once I got out on my own, it didn’t stop. Take for example working and Projecting Ahead to the weekend, to all the fun that I’ll have partying, drinking and doing drugs with my “friends”, this definitely made it easier for me to get through my work week, (especially being in Hawaii) I couldn’t wait to go into town (Waikiki).

Then I was introduced to relationships (which is another story in itself), where I used Projecting Ahead to shut myself off from my partner, whenever I didn’t want to hear what they had to say, which most of the time, whenever you don’t want to hear what your partner has to say, then they are speaking the truth, but the funny thing is, whenever you really don’t have anything to Project Ahead to, then you start wishing that something would happen, like a “Family Member” calling your phone to get you out of the shit, which never happens when you want them to, but they will call when you are trying to making your point. Lol

Obviously, I brought this pattern with me once I started walking my process, but oddly enough only when it got to the having to do work part, where once I realized, there was no other thing that I could run back to for that happy feel good feeling, that’s when “reality set in” and things got real, from the perspective of, Ok now I really have to face myself head on and at that time everyone had stop calling me and I had no friend nor family, so the resistance was enormous, as I had nothing (per se) to push me through the times, where I HAD TO DO things and this is where I learned about effective Self-Forgiveness. I mean it got to the point of me Projecting Ahead to go grocery shopping and going to do laundry, lol for real it was like I was pulling at anything to look forward to get me through, what I’ve walked myself into, (my process).

But yet and still I persisted and continued to apply my Self-Forgiveness on this resistance as well as other things that was and still currently comes up to day and what I realize is that the resistance does fade away, each and every time you push forward in doing what it is that you have to do, it becomes easier and easier and thus the lessor I needed to Project Ahead to get me through and so for this if applied effectively Self-Forgiveness works, that I do know.

These days Projecting Ahead still comes up, but not to the point that I require something outside of myself to push me through, as I have gotten to the point of walking through any resistance that comes up, so yes the resistance comes and I see it, direct it aside and walk through it, because now my Projecting Ahead is in relation to me knowing that, if I for one moment slack on any of my responsibilities, It’ll be like throwing a monkey wrench into a machine and watching everything/(my life) slowly fall apart, piece by piece and I cannot have that, at this stage in my process, so fuck that.

For this, I am, redefining Projecting Ahead from that of; Something I do, in order to get me through (in imagining a happier time and place) the resistance I face when doing something I must do, to that of; Knowing that if I for one moment slack on any of my responsibilities, It’ll be like throwing a monkey wrench into a machine and watching everything/ (my life) slowly fall apart, piece by piece and I cannot have that.

Learn how to direct yourself within your life and your process, to no longer Project Ahead, but to be HERE instead. This is how DIP Lite Free Online Course

Advertisements

About carltontedford

In Process.
This entry was posted in Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s