Day 293: When The Mind Goes “Ham”

When-the-mind-goes-HamGoing “Ham” is a slang terminology used when someone or something is going Hard on something or someone/without stopping, hence the title of this post ‘When The Mind Goes “Ham”. So, have you ever experienced yourself having this unforeseen/way out there, thought to come up within and as you, that surprises you, that don’t stop and you ask yourself W.T.F., Where T. F. did this shit come from and this thought is so fuckin crazy, that you become nervous and then frustrated and then angry and immediately start looking for someone or something to blame, because there’s no way in Hell that you would or have thought along these lines, ever in your life, (Considering the nature and specificity of the thought) I mean like WHOA and you become so shocked that you’re stuck there for a moment, in trying to figure this shit out?

I’m sure some of you can attest to what I’m saying, but the point is, are you self-honest enough to admit to yourself that this has happened to you and then write it out to figure it out, because this is extensive and can get to the point where you don’t even want to admit it to yourself nor anyone else and would be happy if it just went away, just as quick as it came up, but it doesn’t work that way and you must realize that your thoughts are Not Secret at all, I mean if everything around you is aware, then how the hell do you think that you can get away with thinking anything without creating consequences for yourself. It’s Not happening.

When you think that you’re getting rid of it, by shaking your head and saying NO STOP, STOP NO to change the picture that keeps coming up in your mind and then becoming angry at it, the only thing that you’re doing is stimulating the mind to keep playing this back and forth game with you, where in one moment you think that it’s gone and then when you go to do the next thing, Boom, it pops right Back up in your mind, at what point do you realize that you are Mind fucking yourself?

I know the shock value is still there, but you really have to do more than just talking it out. Nine (9) times out of ten (10), the thought that comes up is in relation to a point that you thought that you have walked completely and/or have a handle on the point, as you are currently walking it and this is why the shock value is so high, because obviously this is another dimension to this point. And this is, When the Mind Goes “Ham”, to show you this new dimension that you didn’t even know existed, or did you?

Ok, so the other day I was busy doing my morning routine and “stopping my thought” in the moment as they would come up (as I always do) for real, for real and all of a sudden out of the blue, the most craziest thought and picture with the thought came up, that just blew me away, that I would even think of such a thing, and at first, for a while, I tried to stop myself from thinking this thought and seeing this picture, but no matter how much I tried, it still persisted and so I told myself to STOP, as I normally do and it didn’t stop, then I became nervous that it didn’t stop and I couldn’t believe what I was thinking, so I started to get frustrated and angry at myself for having such a thought to come up within and as me and that didn’t work out too well, so I applied Self-Forgiveness out loud and the thought stopped, but as I went about my day, I still carried this frustration inside me in thinking W.T.F. just happened and how did I let this particular specific thought come up within and as me and sure enough soon after I decided to let it go for the moment, Boom it popped right back up with full steam and so I repeated this cycle over a few times throughout the rest of the day, where it would go away for a while and then pop right back up in my mind.

The next morning when I got up, after my morning routine, I decided that I needed to write this out and what I realized within me writing it out was two (2) of the most simplest things, which was carrying with me the frustration that I harbored about the situation throughout my day, that kept the thought alive and coming up within and as me, as well as, not following through on my commitment statements in their specificity and thus I manifested this unforeseen hideous thought to come up and keep coming up within and as me, until I realized and investigated what it was that I wasn’t doing and needed to correct within myself.

What I see/realize/understand is that when and as you are faced with an unforeseen, hideous thought that seemingly comes up out of nowhere/out the blue, to in the moment you realize that you’re not stopping it no matter what you do, then stop and breath/drop everything (if possible) and go write it out or else you’ll just be accumulating consequence upon consequence, upon consequence to no end, until you write it out and get to the bottom of it, because this is When the Mind Goes “Ham”.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to let my mind go “Ham”.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to let my mind go “Ham” in bringing up the most unforeseen/way out there, thoughts that came up within and as me, that surprised me, that didn’t stop, where I then asked myself W.T.F., Where T.F. did this shit come from.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to then become nervous, frustrated and angry and immediately start looking for someone or something to blame, because of the excuse I perpetuated of there being no way in hell that I would or have thought along these lines, ever in my life, (Considering the nature and specificity of the thoughts).

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to then become so shocked that I was stuck there for a moment, in trying to figure this shit out, but how could I possibly figure it out being stuck.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to throughout my life have been one who wasn’t Self-Honest enough to admit to myself that this had happen to me in my past, in relation to the type of thoughts, I experienced coming up within and as me, growing up.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have been one who did not want to admit to myself nor to anyone else (the thoughts that I was experiencing) and would have been happy if it just went away, just as quick as it came up.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that I could get rid of this thought by shaking my head and saying NO STOP, STOP NO to change the picture that kept coming up in my mind and then became angry when they didn’t stop, not realizing that within that, all I was doing was stimulating my mind to keep playing this back and forth game with myself, where one moment I think it’s gone and then, when I go to do the next thing it pops right back up in my mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that I could just talk it out and the thought would be gone, boy was I wrong.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be shocked at the fact that this thought was in relation to a point that I thought I had a handle on, that I am currently walking, not considering there to be another dimension to it and that’s why my mind went “Ham”.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have thought that I could just say stop to any thought and it would just go away, without investigating the ones that persisted and then became nervous, frustrated and angry at myself when it didn’t stop, for having such persistent thoughts to come up within and as me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to apply Self-Forgiveness out loud, where the thought then stop, but I carried this frustration inside me, (throughout the remainder of the day) in thinking W.T.F. just happen and how did I let this particular specific thought come up within and as me, where sure enough soon after I decided to let it go for a moment, it popped right back up with full steam, where I then repeated this cycle over a few times throughout the rest of the day.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to write out the situation in the first place, when I realized the thought wasn’t going away, but instead let it persist.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see/realize/understand up until I wrote it out, the reasons behind this thought persisting being that I carried the frustration with me that I harbored about the situation throughout my day, that kept the thought alive and coming up within and as me, as well as, not following through on my commitment statements in their specificity and thus I manifested this unforeseen hideous thought to come up and keep coming up within and as me, until I realized and investigated what it was that I was doing and needed to correct within myself.

When and as I see myself accepting and allowing my mind to go “Ham” where I take for granted the seriousness of the situation and think that I can just stop a particular thought and picture from coming up within and as me by just saying STOP and NO, and as it persist I apply Self-Forgiveness and it stop, but I still carry with me the frustration that I harbored about the situation throughout my day, in not realizing that this is keeping the thought alive and coming up within and as me, I stop and breathe. I see/realize/understand that the thought came up in the first place is showing me another dimension of a point that I am currently walking and within that dimension, I was not following the commitment statement that I had wrote and committed myself to follow, when faced with this specific point and so the extremeness of the point arose within me for me to investigate it more and no longer accept and allow myself to side step my commitments on this specific point AND ALL other point for that matter.

So, I commit myself to no longer accepting and allowing myself to take for granted the seriousness of any situation, in trying to just half ass a solution to a problem, but instead to write it out and investigate the real reasons behind things happening, in this case why this unforeseen hideous thought came up.

I commit to no longer becoming nervous, frustrated and angry about things happening, in this case a thought coming up that I didn’t immediately stop, but instead to thoroughly investigate, from the get go (through Writing, Self-Forgiveness and Self –Corrective Application) the reason this thought is persisting, that way I see what I need to correct within and as me to release myself from this thought and completely walk through the point in question.

I commit myself to no longer letting my mind go “Ham”, but instead to be aware of what’s coming up within and as me and investigate thoroughly why this is happening.

I commit myself to remembering to follow my commitment statement and no longer harboring the frustration of me forgetting, where I thus in turn manifest an unforeseen hideous thought to come up within and as me for me to remember.

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About carltontedford

In Process.
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