Day 289: I Know Vs. I Don’t Know

I-know-vs-I-dont-knowI KNOW

This is terminology that I’ve used quite a few time throughout my life, where I’ve used “I know” in a few different ways, as in; “I know what you’re saying but”… to add my point of view, as an exception to the rule of sorts, within that, I knew what the person was saying but didn’t want to accept what they were saying and only wanted to get my point across, to justify what I did or didn’t do, to see if they would accept my side of the story and if not, I would say; “I know but I’m right and you’re just not seeing it”. So sort of a stubborn act of denial in abdicating my responsibility for what I did or didn’t do. I’m sure some of us can attest to this.

Now early on in my life, during my adolescence years, I would use “I know” as a point of hiding from potential embarrassment and/or judgment from my peers, where I didn’t want to be seen as the one that don’t know anything of what they were talking about; because of the way I was raised different from the way they were, whenever they would talk about a worldly event that they saw happen in the streets or on television such as Sports or the News or something, I would say I know just to try and fit in, but had no Idea of what they were talking about. God forbid they were to ask me what I thought about it/the situation, shit I would have been lost, stunned like a deer in the headlights in saying; AHH AHH, but within that, not once did I ever consider to just say “I don’t know, because I didn’t see it”, which in the end I learned would have been fine, because others would end up saying “I don’t know” and nothing would come of it, so the question is why was I so scared to say “I Don’t know” and this “I do know” is because I judged myself for what I didn’t know and placed myself in the service of what others would think about me, which was a hard task to do, but I kept up this act for quite some time, that is until I got busted out, which is another story in itself that I will not be going into at this time.

I’ve also used “I know” as a way of kindly tell someone to shut up, because I was tired of hearing them say the same things over and over again. This one is interesting because, on one hand in saying “I know” showed that I had no patience and the reaction to that was, the self-induced experience of being irritated and on the other hand, being that I wasn’t much of a conversationalist, I didn’t see that the person who was repeating themselves was most likely looking for interaction to possibly fine a solution for a problem that they were having or they were simply trying to show me something, so by me saying “I know”, blinded me from seeing any of this that they were saying and or trying to show me.

I’m sure there are quite a few more reason why I would say “I Know” but these that I’ve just mentioned were the most profound that stood out within my life that I experienced the most.

I DON’T KNOW

The question that usually come after this is; “What don’t you know” as in a shocking reaction from someone unconsciously saying “WHAT” then “DON’T YOU KNOW”? Meaning you do know. (It’s funny because I never looked at it that way before). I’ve used “I don’t know” as a Spiteful way of say to someone that; “I don’t want to hear anything you have to say, because I’m not the center of your attention” in a way, so when asked the question’; ‘Hey do you know where this or that person is or have gone to” although “I knew”, I would spitefully say “I don’t know” and sometimes add to it; “Their not in my back pocket” which shows the resentment I had for this person, for no apparent reason at all, except to get even with them for not paying attention to me, which is still not a valid reason, but a piney, feeble attempt of excuse to make myself upset at them, meaning I had to set up the make up for the character I would perpetuate towards them, just to get attention from them.

That’s a shameful way to live, because in the end, what you really “don’t know” and realize is the consequences that you perpetuate onto yourself of, eventually losing all your friends and abusing your physical body with the reactions that follows, like very small chunks of meat being extracted from your Human Physical Body without you being aware of it, because we believe that any pain we experience is a normal thing that our body goes through, and so we have become use to this experience and as soon as we see the first sign of a wrinkle on our skin, we then wake up and realize that something is wrong, but still can’t pin point it and rush to try and cover up the blemish on our body, but still within that it become worse and worse and by that time it is too late, the damage is already done.

So what it all boils down to is why do we use “I know” when we don’t know and “I don’t know” when we do know? Simply put, this is Spiteful behavior, I mean you can use the words “De-Spite” or “In-Spite”, it doesn’t matter, it’s still spiteful behavior, spite meaning just because you think, can and do go against what someone else is saying, because it doesn’t suit your self-interested, separatist mentality, we think we are getting even, but if we really slow ourselves down and look at what we’re doing, then we’ll see that we have always been “Even” Equal to the next person and this spiteful mentality that we have been perpetuating is not who we really are, so something is terribly wrong with this picture, because we then realize how we have defined “I know” and “I don’t know” in spite of ourselves, without us seeing/realizing/understand what we are doing and at this point a Re-Definition is in order.

Therefore; in Re-Defining and saying the words “I know” should be followed with our perspective on that which we really know, have lived and taken action upon or to Not said at all. And from my perspective when it comes to the words “I don’t know” they shouldn’t be said at all, because to me by saying them is the act of limiting oneself, but replaced with “I’m not recalling or remembering at this present moment, but I will find out”, with an immediate action of doing so behind it.

This will all come into play with investigating oneself and realizing that everything that there is for you to know is/has always been right Here inside you. And in utilizing the tools of Writing, Self-Forgiveness and Self-Corrective Application with Self-Honesty and breath in every moment, you will be able to lift the veil of Spitefulness and see what you have hidden from yourself in plain sight. I mean that’s the journey that I’m walking of self-realization. How about you?

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About carltontedford

In Process.
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