Day 287: Train of Thought

Train-of-thought“Man I forgot what I was thinking”. “Oh well it’ll come back to me sooner or later, so what was I saying again”? How many time have this experience happened to you, where you lose your train of thought and say things like; “Man it’s right on the tip of my tongue, but I just can’t spit it out”? And after a while, if it doesn’t come back, we assume that it’s lost, gone forever. Most likely, if it is something random that you’re thinking about, then it’ll probably come back up. I find that this happens mostly when someone is asking a question of you knowing a person or what something is, like the name of a movie or a song/song lyric or something along those lines and if you wait for a moment and/or change the subject then it will pop back up eventually, but on the other hand, when it’s something that you’re thinking about doing, as in something that comes up for you to write about or maybe a self-realization in the moment, my suggestion is to stop what you’re doing and go and write it down immediately (that is if you don’t have your phone with you), because the mind is sneaky and it will do any and everything in its power to make you lose your train of thought and although what you were thinking about or had a self-realization about is still inside you, it’s becomes pretty tough for you to bring it back up, because you will now have an influx of thoughts coming up, back to back to back, as if your mind is helping you remember, but in fact it is just burying it deeper and deeper inside you, so what happens is if you don’t stop your mind in the moment, then you will become frustrated and react, which is just what the mind wants. But if you slow yourself down then you will realize the interaction with your mind that you are having in that moment, which was what I did and was just discussed.

I find this interaction to be pretty fascinating, where let’s say as an analogy you’re watching a cartoon and in the cartoon you’re at an intersection (which is your interaction) and its RUSH hour traffic going one way down a main street and the traffic signal is on green, then you have a five second pause as the light turn red for one car to come through the cross street (which is what you’re thinking about doing or your self-realization) and after that the light turns green again, meaning the mind as the traffic controller resumed its RUSH hour traffic (as thoughts) in your head, to try and bury the idea of what you were thinking about doing or your self-realization to the point of you believing that what you thought of or realized never existed and so you end up losing your train of thought.

I have, throughout my life experienced losing my train of thought quite a few time, sometimes on purpose, where I really didn’t want to think about certain things and so I didn’t, but instead replaced those thoughts with other thoughts, as if it made any difference, I mean the thoughts was just pushed aside and suppressed, which would then come out later on in my life, that I would have to face, so it really didn’t work, but whenever there was something that I wanted to remember as in my far but few in between self-realizations (back then), man they would leave my mind just as fast as a crowd of people scattering when they hear a gunshot going off. And I would soon forget that I even realized anything.

Then you have like today, where losing your train of thought, (when thinking about what to write about) brings up another realization, which is the point I am writing about now, where earlier today why’ll working, I had a topic to come up within and as me, for me to write about and told myself that as soon as I finished doing this one thing, I’ll write it down in my phone and of course as soon as I finished, I lost my train of thought and realized that no matter how much I tried to bring it back up, my mind wasn’t having it and as the analogy above, the RUSH hour traffic inside my head (as thoughts), ensued.

So at that point the next thing that came up was for me to become frustrated, which I saw ahead of time and stopped it and with that realization, the point of; “Train of thought” came up and once again I found myself going back into the RUSH hour traffic in my head, where for a moment this topic started to escape me, then I immediately stop myself and wrote it down in my phone.

What I realized first off is how sneaky the mind is and secondly, to if/as you have a realization to come up, as in thinking about something to write about or any other thing that you know would normally skip your mind to do later, to stop what you’re doing and write it down in the moment, that is until you are sufficient in stopping your thoughts enough to remember what you have realized. So for this;

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have forgotten what I was thinking and would say; “Oh well it’ll come back to me sooner or later, without investigating why I forgot what I was thinking in the first place.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have lost my train of thought and have said things like; “Man it’s right on the tip of my tongue, but I can’t spit it out”. And after a while when it didn’t come back, I assumed that it was lost, gone forever, not realizing that it was still inside of me just pushed aside, buried and/or suppressed.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to push aside, bury and/or suppress ideas thoughts and/or self-realizations that had come up and I lost my train of thought over and thought it was gone.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to write down the idea, thought of doing something or self-realization in the moment that it would come up, but instead to let time pass and would end up forgetting what it was that I wanted to remember.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have throughout my life experienced losing my train of thought quite a few time, sometimes on purpose, where I really didn’t want to think about certain things and so I didn’t, but replaced those thoughts with other thoughts, as if it made a difference, I mean the thoughts was just pushed aside and suppressed, which would come out later on in my life, that I would have to face, so it really didn’t work.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to earlier today why’ll working, I had a topic to come up within and as me, for me to write about and told myself that as soon as I finished doing this one thing, I’ll write it down in my phone and forgot that I told myself that, and of course as soon as I finished, I accepted and allowed myself to lose my train of thought, which made it that much harder to bring back up again.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see/realized/understand that the reason why we lose train of thought is because of the RUSH hour traffic (as thoughts) going on in my head, where I accept and allowed myself to be distracted by these thoughts, instead of being focused at any given moment on what I’m doing and so anything that comes up as an idea or self-realization is just like any other thought in traffic, passing by through my mind and so the thing is for me to stop my mind long enough to realize one of my realizations of how to stop my mind completely.

When and as I see myself losing my train of thought, where I forget what I’m thinking about and start to assume that it is lost and gone forever, instead of writing it down in the moment for me to remember, I stop and breathe and realize that it’s still there. I see/realize/understand that the reason why I lost my train of thought is because I have accepted and allowed myself to be distracted by the thoughts coming up within and as me, like RUSH hour traffic in my head, instead of being focused at any given moment on what I’m doing and so anything that comes up as an idea or self-realization is just like any other thought in traffic, passing by through my mind and so the thing is for me to write it down immediately in stopping my mind long enough to realize one of my realizations of how to stop my mind completely.

I commit myself to slowing myself down, when and as I have an idea and/or self-realization to come up within and as me and to write it down immediately so that I will remember it for later to do.

I commit myself to investigating and overcoming my forgetfulness, which is in fact me stopping my mind and being present at any given moment.

I commit myself to utilizing my breath in making it possible to slow myself down and stopping my mind.

I commit myself to creating a sound mind for myself, within myself and directing myself as in what to think, that is best for all in all ways always.

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About carltontedford

In Process.
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