Day 286: Because of You (ME)

Because-Of-YouBecause of you, I am writing this note, to Self to let you know, that I am noticing what I have done, to get us to this point, and what we’ve designed together, in separation from each other, but still oneself that’s flesh, in one body with one head and one chest. Before conception I knew who I was, which changed the moment I came, into this world in chains, crying because of the pain, but soon got use to the game, which blinded me from seeing everything, then had to reverse myself, and walk backward to find myself, and so my life began, standing outside of myself.

Because of you is not to blame, anything away from me, but to plainly state the obvious, in what I really see, as I bring up our history, the one of you and me: that because of you now, with different eyes I see.

For too long have I believed in what I was told, to not investigate anything, but to only follow, so aimlessly I roamed, never standing on my own, but crutch my way through life and still turned out alright, but not in the sense of the truth, for that is because of you.

I mean who else knows you but you?

Me for that matter I deceived, manipulated and cheated, thinking that I was different, why’ll complaining as if I was a victim, all the while I never listened, to what I was telling me about you, in all the things that I do, and to abandon what I knew. I know, but I didn’t know, in realizing what I knew, but couldn’t remember or see, how I had veiled myself from the truth.

Not once did it ever feel right, being the shadow beside me, same walk, talk and breath, same attitude and speech. Did I really know who I was, and where was I, all this time, how could I not have realized, that I’d locked myself in my mind? Hold up that’s not me speaking, is there something that you want to say… No, but instead, that’s the backchat that I faced.

Believe me you, because of me, (you) I couldn’t face, but would rather abdicate my responsibility instead of telling it straight, I mean fear had a monkey wrench grip around my neck, to the point of me losing my self and all self-respect.

But because of you, it was me who was tired of the shade, tired of the games and tired of being a slave, tired of the things that I really wanted to know, and because I did learn them, I wanted to let go, and right at the point of losing everything, a stranger thing happened which directed me to me. That is for the first time in my life that everything became clear, I was listening to the common sense of everything being HERE, and how I had separated me from myself by locking myself in my mind, and would have stayed this way until the end of time, but this time I choose “right” (per se), I’ve learned to correct myself, I’ve learned the You in Me, I’ve learned to check myself, so when and as (at any given moment) I feel the urge to step outside, I will remember that it’s because of you, that I’m still alive. So whenever I’m faced with a decision (within myself) on who to be, because of you, I’ll chose you, because you’ve always chosen me.

Appreciation of Self



About carltontedford

In Process.
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