Day 285: Deal with It

Deal-with-itNo one said that this process would be easy, but have you ever, within your process experienced the intensification of your body assisting and supporting you to stay out of your mind through the presentation of pain, where whenever you are focusing on one thing, or supposed to be focusing on one thing, but you allow yourself to be distracted and experience a sharp pain or you bite your lip a few times or something along those lines as well as other things not working correctly in your immediate vicinity in the moment of thought/distraction, to the point of almost crying and wanting to say fuck it, but you know that you can’t and won’t do that, because you also know that there’s NO where to give up to? I mean at the point of this experience you realize that you just have to Deal with it. And I can assure you that this is not an enjoyable experience.

This is somewhat what I have been experiencing these last few day, where I found my body assisting me to become more aware of what I’m thinking at any given moment, as well as my attraction to distraction, where as soon as my awareness shifted/drifted into distraction something happens, such as maybe my computer crashing or me biting my lip. Now the biting my lip part, comes when I’m out eating, where instead of focusing on and enjoying the experience of me eating, I at times have found myself drifting off into other peoples worlds and at that moment (lol) I unconsciously bite my lip, which immediately brings me right back down to my food and it hurts like hell, I mean after you’ve done that a few time, you almost want to cry and with now knowing the reason why this is happening, you just have to deal with it.

It’s pretty interesting how growing up whenever things would happen I would think that it was just something wrong with what I was working with. Not once did I ever consider myself to be the problem/the culprit/cause of things not working correctly and whenever I would bite my lip, I would react and become angry and blame everyone else in my vicinity except me, for me biting my own lip. I mean I always wondered why these things would happen and now I know and have to deal with it.

What do I mean by Deal with It? Well, back then there was still a level of ignorance that I could perpetuate, because I had absolutely no idea of how things worked and me being the trigger and cause to everything that takes place, happens to me, around me in my world and reality, but now being that I am walking my process and have realized that everything is me and happens because of me, I can no longer abdicate my responsibility towards myself, when things happen and/or don’t happen the way they’re “designed” to, meaning with my participation in my mind I manifest a malfunction and/or hurt myself by e.g. bite my lip etc. So dealing with it is, to assist and support myself to stop my mind in moments that I am focusing on something or supposed to be focusing on something and find myself drifting off into my mind and experience the consequences of things not working correctly and/or me hurting myself with a sharp pain of me biting my lip, by writing out why this happened and applying Self-Forgiveness in releasing myself from this pattern and stopping things from happening, by walking the corrective action. So my Deal is;

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have experienced the intensification of my body assisting and supporting me to stay out of my mind through the presentation of pain, because I allowed myself to be distracted, when I was supposed to be focusing on something, but instead drifted off into my mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to why’ll eating; instead of focusing on enjoying the experience of me eating, drift off into thinking about other people in their worlds and ended up biting my lip.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have bitten my lip a couple of times as a result of me being in my mind, thinking about other people in my vicinity why’ll eating, to the point of me almost crying and wanting to say fuck it, that is until I realized why this was happening. I should have been out of my mind focusing on my meal.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have been attracted to distraction, where as soon as my awareness shifted/drifted into distraction something happens, such as my computer crashing or me biting my lip.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when growing up whenever things would happen I would think that it was just something wrong with what I was working with. Within that, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not once did I ever consider myself to be the problem/the culprit/cause of things not working correctly.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to back then, whenever I would bite my lip, I would react and become angry and blame everyone else in my vicinity except me for biting my own lip, so within that not once did I ever consider myself to deal with it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have been stuck in my mind and not focused on things at any given moment, where I then experienced my body assisting and supporting me with the presentation of pain, recently in biting my lip and so I see/realize/understand that I need to assist and support myself to be aware of what I’m thinking at any given moment, why’ll focusing on something or else my body will pick up where I left off and it won’t always be an expected support, but at times an unexpected support that I would have to just deal with it, so it behooves me to stop/stay out of my mind and focused on what’s HERE in every moment of realizing my breath.

I commit myself to focusing on what I am doing in any given moment and to no longer accept and allow my awareness to shift/drift off into distraction, where something then happens such as my computer crashing or me hurting myself as in recently me biting my lip why’ll eating, but instead to step myself up in my process and really stop my mind with action behind my words, so that I am not forcing my body to do the job for me.

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About carltontedford

In Process.
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