Day 282: Little Moments of Frustration

lMOFThere is a pattern that I found within myself, where when the unexpected happens in one moment, I become frustrated and momentarily shut down, because I don’t have an immediate answer to what has just happened. It’s like W.T.F. just happen, for example let’s say I’m doing work (writing) on my computer and after I get to a substantial point within my writing, the program that I’m using shuts down and restart and all the work I’ve just done is gone, erased, nowhere to be found and so, I become irritated, frustrated and angry and the backchat that come up is; “All of this work I have just done was for nothing” and “I can’t remember the way I worded what I just wrote about, so fuck it, I might as well cut my computer off” and then want to give up and/or just walk away from it all.

Looking back on this particular point in the past, I can remember this happening at times, when I would be making music on my other computer (designated for making music), where I would get to a point of having a cool rhythm or melody down and things (ideas) would just be coming to me, and all of a sudden the program would just freeze up and/or shut down on me, and of course at that point, I forgot to save what I had. This would piss me off, but I would only be mad at myself for not saving what I had done thus far, so back then I had to realized that I needed to save things in stages throughout my process of putting things down, where I would add a sound in and then save it immediately. Within that an interesting point emerged, that of being, whenever I’d lose my work and DIDN’T walk away, but started back over, whatever came out the second time, was first off better than the first and cooler than what I would have imagined the outcome to be. So but yet and still, the part of me becoming frustrated in the first place is the point that I’m investigating.

Even today, it might not be something that I can pin point as to why something has just happened in the moment and me not being able to pin point it, is what I accept and allow myself to become frustrated over and look to project blame onto/towards something or someone in my vicinity, but even still when you look at it the frustration is useless, because there’s nothing you can do about in that moment, but the breathe the moment through and to reset and/or start over again, so that being said;

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience moments of frustration, when the unexpected happens, where because I don’t have an immediate answer to what has just happened, I momentarily shut down.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to within me shutting down, I wouldn’t want to start over, continue on and/or reset what has interrupted my progress in doing a particular things or another.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become frustrated at the point of me having to start over and/or having to reset something, instead of me breathing the point through, when and as the unexpected happens.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have been doing work (writing) on my computer and after I got to a substantial point within my writing, the program that I was using shut down and restarted and all the work that I did up until that point was gone, erased, nowhere to be found and so I became irritated, frustrated and angry.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and let irritation, frustration and anger be a preface solution in the moment the unexpected happened with my computer program, instead of realizing that this was not a self-directed solution in the moment, but a mind-directed solution, which wasn’t a solution at all, but a meal time for my mind consciousness system, where in that moment, I let my mind extract pure essence/substance from my human physical body and transform it into energy and only then after, I realized that my reaction was useless and abusive to my body.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the backchat of; “All of this work I have done was for nothing” and “I can’t remember the way I worded what I just wrote about, so fuck it, I might as well cut my computer off”, to come up within and as me in the moment the unexpected happened with my computer program.

Within this I’m glad that I didn’t, because I wouldn’t have realized and gotten the inspiration that I have to write about and investigate further into this pattern of experiencing little moments of frustration.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have experienced little moments of frustration in my past when making music, where I would get to a point of having a cool rhythm or melody down and things (ideas) would just be coming to me and all of a sudden the program that I was using would just freeze up and/or shut down on me, where I would get pissed off at myself for not saving what I had done thus far.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to, in not being able to pin point why something has just happen in the moment, within me not being able to pin point it, is what I accept and allow myself to become frustrated over and look to project blame onto/towards something or someone in my vicinity, not realizing that in that moment my frustration is useless, because there is nothing I can do about it in that moment, but to breath the moment through and to reset and/or start over again.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have projected blame onto/toward something/someone in my vicinity, when the unexpected happens and I am not able to pin point why that something happened, instead of utilizing breath in the moment and get to a solution and start over again if need be.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see/realize/understand that things will happen that I am not able to pin point as to why they happen immediately in the moment and the thing is to not react in anyway, but to remain stable in breath, so that I can see and walk the solution.

When and as I see myself going into the experience of little moments of frustration, where I would become, irritated, frustrated and/or angry when and as the unexpected happens and I’m not able to pinpoint immediately as to why things just all of a sudden happen in that moment and backchat arise within me of wanting to say fuck it and turn my computer off, give up and walk away from it all, instead of resetting what need be and/or starting over, I stop and breathe. I see/realize/understand that becoming frustrated, irritated and/or angry is not a self-directed solution, but a mind-directed solution which perpetuate abuse onto my physical body and so this pattern of reacting to the unexpected happening, that I have embedded within me needs to stop and so I commit myself to no longer accepting and allowing myself to become frustrated, irritated and/or angry when the unexpected happens in my life, but instead to remain stable and to breathe myself through the moment of the unexpected happening.

I commit myself to no longer projecting blame onto/towards something/someone in my vicinity when and as the unexpected happens, but instead to breathe through the moment and to reset and start over.

I commit myself to realizing that when things happen unexpectedly, to see this as something to learn from and to assist and support myself by investigating what I was doing, thinking and/or participating in my mind about, leading up to the unexpected happening and within that I will find the answer as to why the unexpected happened.

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About carltontedford

In Process.
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