Day 270: The Man in the Mirror

Man-In-the-MirrorIn 1988 Michael Jackson released a song called Man in the Mirror which was written by Glen Ballard and Siedah Garrett. Within the song a few of the lyrics are; “I’m talking to the man in the mirror” (meaning oneself) and another lyric he used is “You got to make that change”, to me, mean only you can change yourself. What I also see within the songs lyric; “I’m talking to the man in the mirror” is seeing my reflection through the eye of others, meaning what others perpetuate (say/do) something negatively, out of spite towards me, is showing me the nature of myself in what I have accepted and allowed myself to have perpetuated (said/done) something negatively, out of spite towards/unto others, that I haven’t taken responsibility for as of yet and so this means, “I got to make that change” within myself and no one can do it for me, but me.

Throughout my life, whenever someone was to come up against me (per se) in a negative way, where let’s say they were angry in some way or another for some reason or another and was trying to take it out on me, I would take that as a threat and instead of calming and directing the situation, I would end up perpetuating the situation into escalation and become angry with them, where I would react to what they were saying and/or projecting towards me, which would then go into a heavy threating each other and/or making each other Feel Bad/Embarrassed by pushing one others buttons. It would then at some point calm down, but I would still walk away with Backchat going through my mind of thinking; “Who do they think they are” and “Don’t they know who I am” and wanting to get even with them for embarrassing me. Not once did I ever consider investigating myself in using the “Man in the Mirror” analogy or might I say “Reality” of things; well because back then I was still under the blame the Devil spell of things, so it was always someone else’s fault for the way I felt and for that, I wouldn’t like them anymore or even want to be around them and if so happen they were around, I would try and get as many people on my side to not like them either, all because of my lack of taking responsibility, for what I saw within them as the “Man in the Mirror”.

Since then and throughout my process, I have realized and have taken responsibility, every time I was shown the nature of myself in looking at the “Man in the Mirror” through the eye of another, but wasn’t always receptive of what I saw and was shown, I mean it’s not that easy to see yourself and face yourself and remain stable throughout the process of someone trying to cut you down in/with every word you say. It takes practice, breathing and self-honesty in every moment to not be moved into a reaction, when being shown what you have done to others as well.

So the other day I was working with some and was shown different things in the way this person was acting throughout the time we were working on a project together, where they were being as if they were meticulous with things as in things had to be directly center and square and portraying as if they weren’t there, things would be messed up or something. I took notice and just keep working and then start noticing that after I would do something this person would go back over after me and re-adjust what I just did, so I continued working and made sure that I was realizing my breath to not go into any reactions.

As we continued I needed this person to help me with something and so I asked and they came straight away and why’ll we were doing this thing together, another person was standing there and said how they saw a fly and the fly stood still why’ll that person gently touched it’s back and I in a way said, how cool and the person who came and helped me (which was the original person in question) said; “If I see a fly I’ll kill it” at which time I said “please don’t do that around me, that’s life” and that person immediately said; “Why are you being so hypocritical” and I said what do you mean and they said “you kill and step on things every day and don’t care”, so instead of reacting I simply said; “That’s not entirely true and that before I walk anywhere outside, I firstly apologies to any form of life, that I might not see and step on” which they responded with “No you don’t” and so I gave them an example of earlier that day and how, “whenever I walk someplace and was walking to the restaurant on the next corner, I’m always watching where I’m stepping to make sure that I don’t step on any ants and/or anything that might be in my path”. And interestingly enough at that moment for some reason this person recanted their aggression and said; “Yeah I do that sometime to”. This then ended the one sided confrontation and the rest of the day was cool.

Within that I saw myself as the “Man in the Mirror” and how that was me in my past, where I wanted to be the center of attention in a way and would cut people down with everything they said and did, to try and make myself look better than them, in that moment. I also see that I am making that change from being that person, to who I really am as life, just as long as I keep investigating the “Man in the Mirror” (myself). So for this;

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have said/did something negatively, out of spite towards others, but when shown to me by others doing the same to me, not see my reflection as the “Man in the Mirror”, in taking responsibility for what I have done to others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to throughout my life whenever someone would come up against me (per se) in a negative way, where let’s say they were angry for some reason or another and was trying to take it out on me, I would take that as a threat and instead of calming and directing the situation, I would end up perpetuating the situation into escalation and become angry with them.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have reacted in anger with others as they would try and take their anger out on me, instead of directing the situation into a calm resolve.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have why’ll being angry at/with someone, go into heavy threating them and/or making them feel bad/embarrassed by pushing their buttons as they were, doing the same to me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have then after the situation had calmed down, still walk away with Backchat going through my mind of thinking; “Who do they think they are” and “Don’t they know who I am” and wanting to get even with them for embarrassing me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the Backchat of; “Who do they think they are” and “Don’t they know who I am”, to go through my mind after the fact of a situation calming down, all because I believed I was embarrassed.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not once consider investigating myself in using the “Man in the Mirror” analogy or might I say “Reality” of things during those times, because I was still under the blame the devil spell of things, during those times.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have always made it someone else’s fault for the way I felt and for that, I wouldn’t like them anymore or even want to be around them and if so happen they were around, I would try and get as many people on my side to not like them either.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to try and manipulate others into not liking someone else because of my confrontation with that someone.

I see/realize/understand the what others are showing to me in trying to build a confrontation with me is the nature of myself, as the “Man in the Mirror”, in which I have perpetuated onto/towards others , that I haven’t taken complete responsibility for doing as of that moment and if I have, then it is to test and to see if I react to and get drawn into the confrontation or if I direct the situation to the best possible outcome, in which I would then see that I am in the process of and/or have “Made that Change” in transitioning from the reactive person I use to be, into the more self-aware person I am now to be able to see myself when being shown the “Man in the Mirror”.

I commit myself to continue to utilize the “Man in the Mirror” analogy/Reality of things in being shown myself and my nature as the reflection of what someone else is perpetuating towards/onto me, by no longer reacting to their mind state in whatever moment it is, but instead to see myself as them and to direct the situation to what is best for all, which include all parties involved.

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About carltontedford

In Process.
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